I failed out of college.
我是大学辍学。
I ended the 2nd semester of my freshman year with a 0.9 GPA.
我在新生第二学期时只有0.9的GPA。
You read that right: a 0.9 GPA
对的，你没看错：0.9的GPA。
When the school year ended, my parents drove four hours to campus to help clean out my dorm room and take me home.
那个学期结束时，我父母开4小时车来学校帮我收拾宿舍东西，然后带我回家。
During the ride home I remember staring out the car window in complete silence the entire four hours.
我依旧记得回家的那四个小时，我就望着窗外，一句话也没说。
I was devastated. I had no idea what I was going to do.
我当时很绝望。我不知道自己未来要去做什么。
My parents were upset.
我的父母也很难过。
They were disappointed.
他们很失望。
They didn’t have anything to say.
他们没什么话说。
Neither did I.
我也是。
Their disappointment was nothing compared to the numbness I felt. I was far more disappointed in myself than they ever could be. It was completely my fault and I knew it.
其实他们的失望远不及我自己当时的麻木。比起他们的失望，我对自己的失望更严重。那绝对是我自己的问题，我自己也知道。
I struggled all through high school, so it was no surprise I struggled the way I did when I started college.
我上高中时就十分痛苦。所以我在大学时的艰难并不是不可预期。
I was terrible at taking tests. I had such a difficult time studying. I have no idea why. It was something I lived with that I cannot explain.
我对于考试很不适应。我学习时也各种纠结。我不知道为什么。我就只能和这样的自己生活且毫无办法。
In grade school I had special tutors to help with my test-taking anxiety. I can’t say it helped much.
小学时，我有自己的特殊教师来辅助我处理考试焦虑。但是觉得没什么太大帮助。
As I finished my final year of high school, I did not know if I would get in to college. I only applied to one college.
高中毕业时，我没想过会考入大学。我当时只申请了一个大学。
I was accepted to attend the only college I applied to.
而那个我唯一申请的大学接收了我。
And now I failed out of the only college I applied to.
现在，我在这所大学辍学了。
I struggled all through Freshman year of college until it got to a point where I felt I had no chance of success. My grades were terrible. So, I did not show up for any of my final exams. There was no way I could study well enough to get passing grades on my finals.
新生那学年，我一直挣扎着，直到某个时刻，我知道，自己估计没什么机会成功了。我的成绩太差了。所以，我一项期末考都没参加。我当时觉得自己绝对不可能撑到大学毕业。
I gave up.
我放弃了。
During the four hour drive home, I became painfully aware that I could have done better. I didn’t bother searching for an excuse to justify the horrible mistake I made.
在回家的那四个小时的车程里，我痛苦的意识到，其实我本可以做的更好。我没有尝试自己找寻方法来纠正自己所犯的错误。
I had to figure out a Plan B.
我需要另寻出路。
Not even a week passed after moving back home with my parents before I started piecing together a plan.
回家不到一个星期，我就开始制定计划。
Even though I ‘failed’ as far as the university was concerned, I knew I was not a failure. I certainly did not feel like one.
即使我自己“搞砸了”大学，我知道自己并没有失败。我不认为自己是个失败者。
I dug myself into a very deep hole and I knew it was up to me to pull myself out.
我曾给自己挖了一个坑，我却也知道，只有自己能将自己再救出去。
I had to figure out how to approach life differently. I wasn’t doing it right. And it felt horrible.
我要自己找到不同的生活之道。我之前做的不好。自己也觉得很糟糕。
I knew I had to try again.
我知道自己得重新尝试。
The problem was, since my GPA was so poor, I got suspended from attending that college.
问题是，我的GPA太糟了，我被学校暂停了课程。
I called the admissions office and asked how I could come back to earn my degree. They told me I needed to go to a community college for a year and earn a 3.0 GPA, then I could reapply to be accepted back.
我给教务处打了电话，询问如何才让我返回学校完成自己的学位。他们告诉我，我需要去社区大学完成一年的课程并取得3.0的GPA，然后才能被重新接纳。
My entire experience of life changed from that point on. I was never the same again.
我整个生活从那时起，改变了。我从此不同了。
All of a sudden I had a goal to accomplish. I never set ambitious goals for myself prior to that moment. I was social and active and participated in sports, but I was mostly just showing up. I never associated much of a purpose or goal with anything I was doing.
突然间，我有了自己的方向。我以前从不设定雄心勃勃的目标，但那时起，我开始了。我变得热爱社交、生活变得积极并参加了体育项目，即使我可能只是简单出勤。我以前从不为了一个目标而如此积极。
I now had a goal, fueled by an intense desire to accomplish that goal.
现在我有了一个目标，并且充满了去实现它的热情。
I did what the admissions office told me to do. I got a job. I took courses at the community college. I accomplished the GPA they required.
我按照教务处的要求找到了工作、参加社区大学、得到了他们需要的GPA。
A year after failing, I reapplied and was admitted back in to the same college so I could finish my degree.
辍学一年后，我重新申请并被学校重新接收，并完成了自己的学位。
By the time I graduated with a Bachelor’s degree, I was getting grades that earned me a spot on the Dean’s List several semesters in a row.
截止获得学位时，我的成绩曾连续几个学期出现在院长名单（优秀学生名单）中。
Why was failing out of college the best mistake I ever made?
为什么说辍学是我曾犯过的最好的错误？
This mistake was a wake-up call that helped me discover what I am capable of.
因为这个错误对于我来讲是个唤醒之铃，它帮助我发掘出自己的能力。
I experienced what it feels like to recover from a major failure.
让我知道从巨大的失败中爬起的滋味。
I shifted my mindset to one that is fueled with purpose.
让我能拥有目标感。
I discovered the power of setting ambitious goals that are created from my own desire to accomplish those goals.
让我发现了制定雄心勃勃目标的能量，让我知道这个能量来自自己内心对完成目标的渴望。
And most importantly: I remember feeling as though my entire life was over during that silent four hour drive home with my parents. The reality was, this failure ended up being a mere bump in the road. It was quite a rough bump at the time but it did not ruin me. I learned that our failures do not define who we are.
最重要的是：我记得自己生活完全垮掉的感觉，在那和父母回家的四个小时里。事实是，这个失败其实只是我生活中的一些磕磕绊绊。虽然它当时对我来讲是个大灾难，但是并没有击垮我。我在其中学会了：我的失败并不能定义我是谁。
Anna说：
你所有的经历：好的、坏的
都长成了你现在的样子。
愿你清明温暖、一世温柔。