Leonard总结自己找女朋友不顺的原因是缺乏自信，准备扮演自信姿态，并对着Raj演练一番，Raj果然深受吸引。
Howard高兴地告诉大家自己将进入太空激光发射器小组，之前FBI会对他进行背景审查，让大家做好准备。Raj第一反应是担心被遣返。
FBI探员Page首先找的是Raj，由于说不出话，Raj赶紧找酒喝，偏巧酒瓶空了，Raj只好靠吃朗姆酒蛋糕来充数，可是Page没问两句话Raj就激动起来，生怕被遣返，高唱我爱美国的国歌……
Page又来找Leonard，Leonard趁机摘下眼镜对人家放电，结果人家表示有着身高1.89米的海豹突击队队员丈夫，Leonard才尴尬地表示没戴眼镜没看到人家戴了戒指。
Page来找Sheldon，Sheldon投诉了Howard不负责任的一堆鸡毛蒜皮之后不小心说出了Howard搞坏火星探测器的事儿，Page满意地走了。
Howard生气地来到大学餐厅告诉几位自己的审查没通过，进不了小组了。Raj和Leonard承认自己当时有点失态，Sheldon却什么也没说。
可是Sheldon因此失眠，为了弥补，他再次去见Page，但对方说此事没得谈，他愤而甩下一句话，又把Leonard当初差点被间谍勾引的事儿给卖了……
Howard得知是Sheldon坏的事，非常生气不肯原谅他。导致Sheldon坐立不安，最终为了挽回Howard的友谊，Sheldon把自己的专座让给了Howard，Howard非常感动地原谅了他，坐上专座后左顾右盼十分得意，Sheldon受不了了，夺回了专座，Penny一看，他只坚持了94秒……
I think I've finally figured out my problem with women. 我终于明白为什么我找不到女人了
What does that have to do with me and women? 这跟我找女人有何关联
Listen, I have to get a security clearance, so you guys might be hearing from the FBI. 听着 我必须得通过安全审核 所以FBI的人可能会找你们问话
They're just doing a background check on me. 他们只是为了调查一下我的背景而已
I'm Special Agent Page, FBI. 我是FBI探员Page
May I come in? 我可以进来吗
Now, to your knowledge, has Mr. Wolowitz ever committed a crime? 据你所知 Wolowitz先生有过犯罪前科吗
Here comes a cavity search. 开始掏家底了
What would you like to know? 你想了解点什么呢
How would you characterize your relationship with Wolowitz? 你怎么形容你和Wolowitz先生之间的关系呢
People are drawn to that, you know? 这点很吸引人的 你懂吗
Do you know of any groups Mr. Wolowitz is a member of? Wolowitz先生是否有参加任何组织呢
Sounds great. 听上去不错
Can my six-foot-two Navy Seal husband come with us? 我可以带上我1米89的在海豹部队服役的丈夫吗
I didn't see the ring with my glasses off, so... 我摘了眼镜没看到你的戒指
Want to get that? 你想去开门吗
Not particularly. 不是很想
Could you get that? 可以去开一下门吗
I suppose I could if I were asked. 要是有人求我去的话 也可以去的
Would you please get that? 可不可以请你开一下门
Of course. 当然可以
Why do you have to make things so complicated? 你干吗要把事情弄得这么复杂呢
I just want to ask you a few questions about Howard Wolowitz. 我只是想问你几个关于Howard的问题
For the record, I truly support the FBI in the mission which is expressed through their motto...? 老实说 我非常支持FBI为完成使命所立下的誓言
Correct. Now to business. 回答正确 说正事吧
Why haven't I heard back yet? 为什么我到现在还没收到任何回复呢
Well, the FBI crime lab does have a lot on its plate. FBI的罪案鉴证科事务繁忙
Would you mind if we talked about Mr. Wolowitz now? 你介不介意我们来谈一下Wolowitz先生
A little, but go on. 有点介意 不过说吧
Would you characterize that as responsible? 你觉得这叫做负责任吗
That's really not the sort of thing we're interested in. 我们对这类事情不感兴趣
Is there anything else? 还有别的吗
Where would you like to start? 你想从哪里开始说起
He refuses to pay fines when he's overdue with books I lend him. 我借给他的书 他延期不还 还拒绝缴纳罚款
If that's not irresponsible, I don't know what is. 我不知道还有谁比他更不负责任的了
Yes, let's talk about it anyway. 没关系 我们还是来谈一下吧
I think I have all I need. 我想我已经问完了
I was afraid you were going to fixate on that Mars Rover incident. 我还怕你会抓着火星探测器那件事不放呢
Guess who didn't get security clearance to work on the giant space laser? 猜猜谁由于没通过安全审查 所以不能参与太空激光器的工作了
Apparently, the background interviews didn't go well. 显然 有人在背景调查时说了我坏话
You guys wouldn't know anything about that, would you? 这肯定跟你们几个没关系 对吧
Well, actually, I may have gotten a little tipsy when I talked to her. 实际上 我跟她谈话的时候 可能有点喝醉了
And I may have hit on her a little bit. 我可能有点想要泡她的意思
I may have thrown up rum cake on her shoes. 我可能把朗姆蛋糕吐在她鞋上了
It's good to know, when I need you guys, I can always count on you to step up and ruin everything. 每当我需要你们的时候 我总能指望你们跳出来把事情搞砸
I feel awful. 我好内疚
To tell you the truth, I thought if anyone was going to screw things up for Howard, it'd be Sheldon. 老实说 就算有人会搞砸Howard的安全审核 我也觉得应该是Sheldon的错
Well, your expectations have been subverted. 显然你的预期被推翻了
What are you doing up? 你怎么还不睡
That's all you have to offer? 你就不能说些别的吗
And it's been weeks since I took that accidental sip of Red Bull. 我不小心喝了一小口红牛也是好几周以前了
Did something happen today that's bothering you? 今天发生了什么事让你纠结
Well, I did mention the Mars Rover incident to that FBI agent and probably it cost Howard his security clearance. 我的确是对FBI探员提到了火星探测器的事 也许这害得Howard没通过安全审核
But why should that keep me up? 但我为什么睡不着呢
Because you feel guilty? 因为你感到愧疚吗
So you're saying my insomnia is caused by a guilty conscience. 你是说我失眠是因为愧疚感作祟
Do you have any evidence to support that hypothesis? 你这么说有什么证据吗
That seems fairly conclusive. 很有说服力
Thank you for agreeing to see me. 多谢你同意见我
Thank you for filing a complaint with my superior. 多谢你向上级投诉我
I understand you want to recant your statement about Howard Wolowitz. 我明白你想要撤销你对Howard的说辞
Then I'm afraid you can't withdraw it. 那我恐怕你没法撤销
This matter is already closed. 这没得谈了
I don't understand why you people are picking on my friend when there are much more serious security threats to pursue. 我真搞不懂你们这帮人要找我朋友的茬 这个国家还面临着其他更严重的威胁
For instance, when I first met Leonard, he was on the verge of giving away rocket secrets to a North Korean spy, and not one agent ever investigated that. 比如我最初遇到Leonard的时候 他就差点把导弹机密透露给一个朝鲜间谍 但却没有一个探员去调查这事
Sheldon, I want you to meet Neil DeGrasse Tyson from the Hayden Planetarium in New York. Sheldon 这位是Tyson先生 纽约Hayden天文馆馆长
Is that the guy you were telling me about? 你和我说的就是他吧
The person at fault for you not getting a security clearance is me. 害你没通过安全审核的人是我
Yes, but before you get upset, I want you to know I went to the FBI and retracted my statement. 对 在你发飙之前 我要告诉你 我去找了FBI的人撤回我的说辞
And they were okay with that? 他们同意了吗
No. If anything, I made it worse. 不 那啥 反而更糟了
In any case, I have been riddled with guilt, which is causing Gorn-infested REM sleep. So, I'm here now to say I'm sorry. 不管怎样 我充满了罪恶感 搞得戈恩人都跑进了我梦里 所以我来对你说抱歉
You've set my career back at least two years, and you think you can make it right with "I'm sorry"? 你害得我职业发展倒退了至少两年 你觉得说句道歉就能算了吗
I attempted to right the wrong, and then I failed to do so, I delivered a heartfelt apology. 我曾努力想要纠正错误 但失败了 所以我表示诚挚的道歉
Leave me alone. 别烦我
What are you doing here? 你怎么会在这
Could you be more specific? 能再具体点吗
Now, where were we? 咱说到哪了
Why don't you give it a try? 何不试试
What's on your mind? 你在烦恼什么
If only there were some way to force Howard to accept my apology so I could escape this miasma of guilt. 真希望有什么能强迫Howard接受我的道歉 让我逃脱这内疚的深渊
Impressive that you know that. 真不敢相信你知道这个
It's hard to believe I'm actually having this conversation with you. 难以置信我竟然跟你在讨论这些
You can't fix this with gifts. 这事不是送个礼就能算了的
