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Sometimes relationships can seem like a lot of work
until you sit back and realize just how much you've been
given. A thriving, healthy relationship requires some
give and take, and is absolutely within your reach if
you and your partner are willing to do a bit of work. If
you and your partner are right for each other, all the
work will definitely be worth it in the long run.
Part 1: Things You Must Do Independently
1. Take responsibility for your own happiness. Save yourself several hours of arguing by remembering this one rule: it's not up to anyone else to make you happy. In a relationship your partner will try to please you and make you happy, but in the end you are responsible for your happiness.
2. Make good on your words. Follow through on your promises. When you say you're going to do something, do it. Don't say that you'll cook dinner, or get a birthday present, and then blow it off or simply forget about it. What this does is systematically destroy trust. And relationships need trust in order to thrive.
If you're bad at remembering things, write it down on a personal planner or calendar, and set up reminders on your phone.
Think about what your saying. Think of the good and bad parts about the topic. If you can't keep your word why promise something to someone when you know you will fail them.
3. Admit your mistakes. If you know you've done something to hurt your partner, intentionally or not, own up to it. Humble yourself and apologize sincerely, without making excuses or justifications like "I'm sorry you made me angry." you have to be responsible for your actions and cannot make anyone else feel guilty for what you have done or didn't do.
Commit to changing your behavior. If you notice yourself apologizing for the same mistake over and over, step it up a level. Tell your partner that you recognized this mistake keeps happening, and you want to train yourself to stop. Request help and ask for him or her to gently point it out to you when you're making this mistake again.
4. Be realistic. Every relationship has disagreements and days when staying isn't the easiest choice. But what makes a relationship healthy is choosing to resolve those problems and push through the hard days, instead of just letting issues and resentment faster. Working through your problems will help you be a more positive person.
Review your expectations. Do you see your partner as a person, with both winning qualities and flaws, or as someone you expect to be perfect? If your expectations are so astronomical that no one could live up to them 100% of the time, you're setting up your relationship for failure. Learn to embrace their differences. You can learn a lot from them.
Accept that conflict happens. If you expect to be in a long-term relationship, you're bound to have the occasional disagreement. Remember that one argument isn't the end of everything, and there's no person on earth that you'd agree with all the time.
Always ask yourself whether you're better off in the relationship than out of it. If you don't think you're better off in the relationship, then you probably should have a serious discussion with your partner. In a loving relationship, this question almost always gets a simple "Yes."
5. Listen to your partner. Sometimes, all your partner wants is for you to lend an ear and be sympathetic about one of their problems. Other times, your partner wants you to actively give them advice. Know which one your partner is looking for, and try to give them what they want. Being a good listener is all about paying attention to what they're saying and not blowing it off.
You can always ask "Are you looking for advice, or do you just want to vent?"
Listening to your partner will enhance your relationship in many ways. It will help you resolve differences without arguing; let you explore each other's personality more deeply; and even help you pick out an awesome Christmas present. There are no downsides to listening.
6. Show your affection in whatever way you can. There's a difference between knowing that you're loved and feeling that you're loved. Sometimes, we bank on the fact that our partners should know that we love them even when we don't show it. Don't rely on this too much. The best relationships use affection to show love.
Do something for your partner that you know they will truly appreciate. Whether it means getting up early to mow the lawn, taking the kids to karate, or baking that nutella shortcake, it's often the little favors that say the most.
Don't be afraid to show physical affection every once in a while. Loving relationships feed off of the little kisses, hugs, and back-rubs that are mainstays of affection.
Do the unexpected. It's one thing to kiss your partner after you come home from work; it's another thing to kiss your wife while you're skydiving, falling 10,000 feet (3,048.0 m) from a plane. It's the thought that counts, so put a little effort into it for huge returns.
7. Be loyal. Make sure they know that you will always be there for them. Put them first in your life as much as you possibly can. Not that you have to only see them ever, or never talk to anyone else, but they should know that they can always count on you. Also, expect the same loyalty from them. You deserve to feel prized in the relationship just as much as them.
8. Do not ever hide anything from your partner. Especially your feelings about them and your relationship—whether good or bad! This way you will be able to overcome all the difficulties and challenges together. If something bad happened in your past that still affects you in the present, they need to know about it.
You should be able to discuss your sexual history. It is an obligation before you decide to be sexually involved with your partner. But you should make them feel safe and free from judgment, and you should expect the same from your partner.
9. Give them some space. Everyone needs their own privacy and some freedom, so don't constantly watch everything they do. Everyone hates to be watched, stifled and controlled.
Do not ever spy on your partner (reading their phone, stalking them on social networks, following them around). If they are cheating on you, you will find out. These things cannot be kept secret for very long. But if you spy on them and they are innocent, you will lose their trust and respect forever.
10. Express your feelings towards them. Always remind your partner of how much they mean to you, and what they represent to you. Women are not the only ones who need expressions of love and care, men need that too.
If you have a problem, you need to let them know—preferably in a clear and calm manner without any yelling or blaming. If your partner says `Are you OK?` and you answer yes, do not expect them to understand that you really meant no. Be honest and open.
Let them know it is safe to open up to you about what they are feeling. Reward their trust in you by sympathizing with them. You don`t need to say much, just listen.
11. Encourage your partner. Encourage their efforts and successes in their work/study. This shows how much you care about them and believe in them. It will also make their feelings towards you grow even stronger, and they'll know that they can count on you for support.
12. Always make sure to notice your partner and compliment them. It will make them feel appreciated. Has your partner got a new dress or has changed their hairstyle? Tell them how much you like it. It will make their day.
13. Keep sweet talking. A simple 'Good morning Beautiful/Handsome' would be an amazing start to your partner's day. Send texts like "I miss you babe" when you miss them. They would definitely feel more loved.
Part 2: Things That You Must Do Together
1. Revive date night. Going on dates, even if you've been in a relationship for years, is still important. In fact, it's especially important for couples who have been together long enough to grow comfortable. Try to go on a date at least once every month. Some couples make it a priority to go on one date every week.
If you're having trouble imagining date ideas, try recreating a date you had with your partner early on in your courtship. Do exactly the same thing(s), or put a spin on the date by reinventing it in a significant way.
Do something new and exciting. Doing something that gets your blood flowing and your heart rate up enhances feelings of togetherness between partners. If you're feeling brave, go on dates that makes you feel like a kid all over again: going to a comedy club, taking a cooking class, or test-driving a new car, to name only a few.
2. Practice forgiveness. Forgiveness is a decision of letting go of the past and focusing on the present. It's about taking control of your current situation, as you must offer it to your partner as much as you demand it from them.
Remember who forgiveness really benefits. Forgiving your partner absolves them from past mistakes, but it also frees you from carrying around anger and resentment. Don't view it as an entirely altruistic act—it's something you're doing for both of you.
3. Laugh together. Laugh at one another with the security of love. Laughter helps the world go 'round, and it may with your relationship, too. Laughter helps your body burn calories, increase blood flow, strengthen the immune system, and lowers blood sugar levels. [1] Laughter can be comforting, infectious, or an aphrodisiac, and many things in between. Don't forget to laugh.
4. Support each other. Being supportive means making your partner's happiness and well-being a priority, in ways big and small. Keep in mind that part of why you're together in the first place is that you're each other's biggest fans, so make sure you act like it. Try demonstrating your support in these ways:
Be a good listener. If your partner needs you to lend an ear, do it willingly. You don't always need to come up with a solution, just support.
Offer encouragement. If your partner is trying to make a positive change, start a new hobby, or undertake a difficult challenge, be their biggest cheerleader.
5. Devote time to each other. Make spending time with your partner a priority, even if it's a little inconvenient at first. Relationships need shared experiences to grow, and you're demonstrating that nurturing yours is important to you.
6. Develop better communication. Most people aren't born great communicators — it's something nearly everyone has to work at. The way you talk to your partner might seem small, but you do it several times a day and it does have an effect. Consider these fixes:
Don't use directive language. Try to keep phrases like "you should" or "you can't" out of your relationship. You and your partner are equals, and neither one of you should have the authority to direct the other.
Relay your expectations. If you expect your partner to do something, say it. Don't expect that he or she should read your mind, and don't rely on hints. Being clear about what you want gives your partner a fair shot at succeeding. (And keep the above point in mind: instead of "You should take the garbage out every day," say "I'd really like it if you took the garbage out every day.")
