米囧_人傻自有天来收

Today, I superglued my headphones back together. They weren't dry before I put them back in my ears. FML

请教个问题，如果不小心把耳机用强力胶水粘耳朵上了该怎么办，在线等，急！ 今天耳机变两半了，我就用强力胶水给重新黏起来了，结果往耳朵里面放的时候忘记了，现在就在我耳朵上。。。。不要笑，真的挺急的。   FML

Today, I spent some money to have a key made for my boyfriend so he could drive my car. Not only does he refuse to drive it, but he also refuses to take the key with him so he can at least unlock his door. FML

今天我把我的车多配了一把钥匙给我的男朋友，这样他需要的时候就可以直接开我的车了，结果他不仅不开车，钥匙也不带。。。。。最起码你自己开车门不行么？   FML

Today, after meeting a girl for the first time and having sex with her, I found not only my wallet missing but also the 128 GB pen drive that had my project I've been working on for 6 months on it. I have to give the presentation in 3 days. FML

今天，在第一次见到一个女孩并和她发生性关系之后，我不仅发现我的钱包不见了，而且还发现了128 GB的钢笔驱动器，这是我的项目，我已经工作了6个月了。我必须在3天内做报告。FML

Today, after I arrived at work, somebody crashed into my parked car and left a big dent. The impact pushed my car up onto the curb and I got a parking ticket. FML

今天我上班的时候车被人撞的凹进去了，问题是，这一撞给我撞出了停车位，现在警察在给我的车开罚单。FML

Today, I slipped and fell on a piece of plastic. I thought nothing of it until I went to the doctor's and found out that I fractured and dislocated my kneecap. I'm now in a full leg brace and crutches. Prom is five days away. FML

今天不小心踩到一块儿塑料，结果摔了一跤，本来以为没事儿，结果医生告诉我我的膝盖骨裂了，而且还脱臼了，然后把我的整个腿用固定支架固定起来了，问题是，还有五天就是我们的毕业舞会了。   FML

Today, I took my brother to the ER. His bimbo girlfriend told him he has "ironing board abs" so they had the bright idea of ironing her clothes on his stomach. When the Dr. asked him why he didn't stop if it burned, he said he didn't want to look "like a pussy". He'd have likely drowned if she'd gotten it right and said "washboard abs". FML

脑残是一种病 -- 我弟弟的肚子被严重烫伤了，你知道为什么么？因为她的傻逼女朋友告诉他他的腹肌看起来像一块熨衣板，于是他们就在他肚子上熨衣服，医生说，“你赶到疼的时候为什么不喊停啊？”丫回答说：“不想让自己跟个小猫似的”（猫代表柔弱，不够坚强）。照我说他女朋友下回应该聪明点儿，说丫的腹肌看起来像搓衣板，然后直接把丫搁水里淹死得了。FML

原文地址：http://www.shitmylife.cn/subject/info/10