怀疑人生的囧事合集

Today, I had a customer tell me that I don't look a day over 39. I'm 35. FML

遭遇毒舌，今儿有一客户跟我聊天，突然来一句，“你这瞅着怎么也不像是三十九的人呐”，老子才特么三十五好不好。FML

Today, I went to the doctor's to find out why I was producing small amounts of milky liquid from my nipples, even though I'm not pregnant. When she asked me to show her, I squirted on her shirt. FML

还没结婚呢，最近发现自己的奶子分泌一些白白的液体，所以去看医生，结果在给医生看的时候喷了她一身FML

Today, I prepared to do my early morning yoga, lowered myself on to the mat then felt a wet patch on my stomach. Turns out my roommate's cat had taken a piss on my orange mat and I'd been too tired to notice. FML

猫尿好骚，不要问我怎么知道的，早上本来想做瑜伽刚躺下，感觉我的瑜伽垫上面湿湿的，我室友的猫在上面尿尿了我居然没有发现，现在浑身都是骚的。FML

Today, I had to call out of work due to my house flooding. As if that wasn't bad enough, my bosspromptly（adv. 迅速地；立即地；敏捷地） accused me of lying because "the others from your town made it in today." I didn't realize we all lived together. FML

不管你信不信，我反正是信了。最近雨水比较大，今天我住的地方发洪水了，门都没发出，然后给我们老板打电话请假。“你们镇上其他人怎么都能来？”我们老板这么跟我讲。麻痹，老子怎么就不知道我们这里还有人跟我是在一起上班的。   FML

Today, a client wanted me to change the design I'd given him, again. I've been working with this client for a week now, giving him many designs throughout the week, and he rejected all of them. Today, after all of the changes he wanted, he said that I should just use the first design I sent to him. FML

设计狗一枚，给一个客户做设计，一个多星期，客户不停的提意见，不停的让我改，今天突然跟我讲，他想好了，就要我最开始做的那个（传说中的怀疑人生）。FML

Today, while working at Starbucks, an elderly woman came up to me asking to turn up the heat. It was at 73. After explaining to her that corporate all the way across the country controls our heat, she's reporting me to corporate and is insisting I should be fired or she won't ever return. FML

被人投诉了，在星巴克上班的时候，一个老女人突然过来让我把空调的温度调高，当时已经是73（摄氏22度）度了。然后我就解释说我们公司统一要求空调的温度不能高于73度，然后丫就直接打公司电话投诉“你们要是不开掉这个讨厌的家伙，我终生不会再来星巴克”   。FML

Today, after I arrived at work, somebody crashed into my parked car and left a big dent. The impact pushed my car up onto thecurb（n. 抑制；路边；勒马绳 vt. 控制；勒住） and I got a parking ticket. FML

车被人直接撞出了停车位，现在警察在给我开罚单，谁能比我挫。FML

原文地址：http://www.shitmylife.cn/subject/info/13