完美恋爱关系的十大关键
In romantic relationships, as with so much else, it’s the little things that count. Just as a mis-spoken word or odd look can throw a couple into a weeks-long feud, small and seemingly insignificant gestures can help keep a relationship on track. A little gift, an off-hand compliment, a moment of physical contact can vastly strengthen a relationship.
According to psychologists Nathaniel Branden and Robert Sternberg, who have both researched and written about the challenges of romantic relationships, these little displays of interest and affection can be more important than all the "active listening" and trust games in the world. Their research has suggested 10 keys to keeping both partners content, satisfied, and happy with each other.
1. Tell your partner you love them.
Although it’s true that actions speak louder than words, words often speak more clearly than actions. Take a moment every now and then to verbalize your feelings for your partner. A simple “I love you” or “You mean the world to me” can go a long way towards making your significant other feel wanted, cared for, and secure in your relationship.
2. Show some affection.
Small acts of physical intimacy – the hand on the small of the back as you brush by in the hallway, your arm around their shoulder on the sofa, your hand on their thigh when seated side-by-side, holding hands while walking down the street – give your partner a warm feeling and convey the love and affection you feel for them. The littlest touch can be as important, or even more important, than the longest night of sexual intimacy.
3. Show appreciation for your partner.
Let your partner know on a regular basis what it is that you like most about them – what you admire, what makes you proud, what their strengths are in your eyes. Building a romantic relationship isn’t just about the initial bonding – it’s about encouraging and supporting each other’s growth over the course of your lives. Help your partner achieve his or her potential by constantly building them up.
4. Share yourself.
Don’t keep your likes and dislikes, dreams and fears, achievements and mistakes, or anything else to yourself. If it’s important to you, share it with your partner. More than that, be sure to share more with your partner than you do with anyone else. While there is certainly a need for some personal space in even the closest relationship, give as much of yourself and your time as you can bear to your partner.
5. Be there for your partner.
It’s obvious what you need to do when your partner faces a major life challenge like the loss of a job or the death of a loved one. But it’s just as important to be supportive when your partner faces life’s little challenges, too – an argument at work, a rough commute, a misplaced check. Don’t let yourself be a doormat, and definitely don’t stand for physical or verbal abuse, but thicken your skin a little and be the voice of calm and reason when chaos strikes. Listen to what’s bothering them and offer whatever help – even if it’s just sympathy – you can.
6. Give gifts.
Take advantages of opportunities to give material tokens of your love. Just the right book picked up at the bookstore, a special dessert, a piece of jewelry or clothing you noticed at the store – anything small or large that tells them you were thinking of them. Leave a love note for them, or send them an SMS at work to “I love you” – again, the little reminder that they’re always on your mind will help your partner feel better about themselves and secure in your relationship.
7. Respond gracefully to your partner’s demands and shortcomings.
A big killer of relationships is unreasonable expectations. Unless you married a robot, your partner comes pre-loaded with a whole range of human failures and foibles. These are features, not bugs! Learn to recognize and appreciate your partner’s quirks for what they are: an essential part of who they are as people. Since our weaknesses are often at the core of our deepest insecurities, make sure you don’t pick on or otherwise go out of your way to highlight your partner’s flaws.
8. Make "alone time" a priority.
No matter how busy both of your lives are, make sure you commit at least an evening every week or two to be alone together. Have new experiences, share your stories, and just generally enjoy each other’s company.
9. Take nothing for granted.
Cultivate a daily sense of gratitude for your partner and the thousands of little blessings he or she has brought into your life. Remember that, if you’re happy in your relationship, your partner is doing a thousand little things for you every day to make your relationship work (as, hopefully, you are for them). Never take that for granted – a relationship is work of the highest order, and the second you stop it starts to slide away.
10. Strive for equality.
Make sure you follow the Golden Rule in your relationship: do unto your partner as you would have done unto you. Strive for a fair division of household duties and other tasks, and don’t expect or demand special considerations you’d be unwilling to offer in return.
当一个人深陷于浪漫的爱情中,对许多小事都变得计较起来.例如,一个口误或一个鬼脸都能让一对情人战斗一周之久,细小而看起来不重要的动作却有助于维持彼此的关系保持正常.一件小礼物,一句不加思索的赞美,一会儿身体的接触,都可以大大地强化爱情.
根据心理学家Nathaniel Branden和Robert Sternberg的介绍,他们都是研究有关浪漫爱情中的挑战,并撰写相关的文章.以下少少的兴致和感情的表露,(对于维持爱情,)会比一切的积极聆听和信任游戏更重要.他们的研究得出维持两者彼此之间感觉愉快,满意和高兴的10个关键.
1.告诉你的伴侣,你爱他/她.
虽然,行动比口号更加有力,但言语往往比行动更清晰.时而,花一点儿时间对你的情人表达你的感受.简单的一句"我爱你"或"你是我的一切"可以让你重要的另一伴感到自己是你相要的,关心的和保护的人.
2.表露感情.
小小的亲密的身体接触 --- 漫步在走廊中时用手搂着对方的腰,一起坐在沙发上时用手臂抱着对方的,并排坐时手放在对方的大腿上,逛街时牵着手 --- 能给对方一种温暖的感觉,也传达你对其的爱和情感.微不足道的接触也能是重要的,甚至是比那最长时间的性爱之夜更重要.
3.赞赏对方.
定期地,让对方知道你最喜欢她/他的什么地方---你倾慕的东西,令你自豪的东西,对方在你眼中的强项.构建一段浪漫的爱情不是仅仅指刚开始的结合---(也包括)在各自的人生成长过程中,相互鼓励相互支持.通过不断地鼓励,帮助你的情人的发挥自己的潜能.
4.分享自己的一切.
不要对情人隐藏自己的喜爱和厌恶,梦想和恐惧,成功和挫折,以及任何有关自己的东西.如果有什么事情对你重要,就与情人分享它吧.更重要的是,保证与情人分享得比其他人要多.然而即使在亲密的关系中,人也必然需要个人空间,因此你给更多的耐心和时间,对待情人.
5.时刻准备着为情人服务.
当你的情人面临一个生命中重大的挑战时,如失业或所爱的人死去,显然,你要做一些事情.而当你的情人面临生活的小挑战时,你的支持也是一样重要,如工作争吵,坐车拥挤,丢了钱.当吵闹发生时,不要让自己成为出气袋,也确保不要动手或骂人,而只是令你的皮厚一点,并冷静而有理地解释.听一听什么令对方烦恼,即使算是同情,你一定会帮助对方.
6.送礼物.
把握机会赠送礼物,以表爱情. 如在书店中找到的好看书,一块特别的蛋糕,一件首饰或逛街时留意到的衣服---任何小的或大的礼物,都要告诉对方,你在乎他们.(出门时,)给他们留下爱心便笺,或在工作时,一条短信"我爱你".---话说回来,让他们老是在你的脑海中,也有助于让你的情人在这段爱情中,自我感觉良好和安全.
7.善待情人的要求和缺点.
爱情的一个大杀手就是不可理喻的异常情况.除非你与一个机器人结婚,否则你的情人天生就会有人的缺点和不足.这些是他们的特点,不是错误.学会认识和欣赏情人本来就有的两面性:一个作为人而潜在的部分.因为我们的弱点是由于我们最深处内心的不安.确保你不会指责,也不会纵容情人的缺点.
8.独处时间优先
无论你们俩的生活多忙,保证你至少一周一个或两个晚上让你们单独在一起.经历新的事情,分享各自的人生,或仅仅是享受相互之间相伴的感觉.
9.没什么是理所当然的.
日常中,培养一种对情人感恩的感觉,数以千记的小小的祝愿,会令他或她进入你的生活中.请记住,如果你是爱情中感觉到快乐,那是因为对方正在为你的每一天做了许多的小事情,才能让爱情如此继续(充满希望的,你是属于他们的).不要认为那是理所当然的 ---爱情是有严格准则的事情,当你不遵守时,爱情就会渐渐离你而去.
10.为平等奋斗
确保自己在此段感情中遵守了以下黄金定律:像对待自己一样对待对方.努力让一个决定变得公平,如家务和其他事情,不要仅仅因为你不愿回报,而期望或要求对方特别的照顾.完美恋爱关系的十大关键
According to psychologists Nathaniel Branden and Robert Sternberg, who have both researched and written about the challenges of romantic relationships, these little displays of interest and affection can be more important than all the "active listening" and trust games in the world. Their research has suggested 10 keys to keeping both partners content, satisfied, and happy with each other.
1. Tell your partner you love them.
Although it’s true that actions speak louder than words, words often speak more clearly than actions. Take a moment every now and then to verbalize your feelings for your partner. A simple “I love you” or “You mean the world to me” can go a long way towards making your significant other feel wanted, cared for, and secure in your relationship.
2. Show some affection.
Small acts of physical intimacy – the hand on the small of the back as you brush by in the hallway, your arm around their shoulder on the sofa, your hand on their thigh when seated side-by-side, holding hands while walking down the street – give your partner a warm feeling and convey the love and affection you feel for them. The littlest touch can be as important, or even more important, than the longest night of sexual intimacy.
3. Show appreciation for your partner.
Let your partner know on a regular basis what it is that you like most about them – what you admire, what makes you proud, what their strengths are in your eyes. Building a romantic relationship isn’t just about the initial bonding – it’s about encouraging and supporting each other’s growth over the course of your lives. Help your partner achieve his or her potential by constantly building them up.
4. Share yourself.
Don’t keep your likes and dislikes, dreams and fears, achievements and mistakes, or anything else to yourself. If it’s important to you, share it with your partner. More than that, be sure to share more with your partner than you do with anyone else. While there is certainly a need for some personal space in even the closest relationship, give as much of yourself and your time as you can bear to your partner.
5. Be there for your partner.
It’s obvious what you need to do when your partner faces a major life challenge like the loss of a job or the death of a loved one. But it’s just as important to be supportive when your partner faces life’s little challenges, too – an argument at work, a rough commute, a misplaced check. Don’t let yourself be a doormat, and definitely don’t stand for physical or verbal abuse, but thicken your skin a little and be the voice of calm and reason when chaos strikes. Listen to what’s bothering them and offer whatever help – even if it’s just sympathy – you can.
6. Give gifts.
Take advantages of opportunities to give material tokens of your love. Just the right book picked up at the bookstore, a special dessert, a piece of jewelry or clothing you noticed at the store – anything small or large that tells them you were thinking of them. Leave a love note for them, or send them an SMS at work to “I love you” – again, the little reminder that they’re always on your mind will help your partner feel better about themselves and secure in your relationship.
7. Respond gracefully to your partner’s demands and shortcomings.
A big killer of relationships is unreasonable expectations. Unless you married a robot, your partner comes pre-loaded with a whole range of human failures and foibles. These are features, not bugs! Learn to recognize and appreciate your partner’s quirks for what they are: an essential part of who they are as people. Since our weaknesses are often at the core of our deepest insecurities, make sure you don’t pick on or otherwise go out of your way to highlight your partner’s flaws.
8. Make "alone time" a priority.
No matter how busy both of your lives are, make sure you commit at least an evening every week or two to be alone together. Have new experiences, share your stories, and just generally enjoy each other’s company.
9. Take nothing for granted.
Cultivate a daily sense of gratitude for your partner and the thousands of little blessings he or she has brought into your life. Remember that, if you’re happy in your relationship, your partner is doing a thousand little things for you every day to make your relationship work (as, hopefully, you are for them). Never take that for granted – a relationship is work of the highest order, and the second you stop it starts to slide away.
10. Strive for equality.
Make sure you follow the Golden Rule in your relationship: do unto your partner as you would have done unto you. Strive for a fair division of household duties and other tasks, and don’t expect or demand special considerations you’d be unwilling to offer in return.
当一个人深陷于浪漫的爱情中,对许多小事都变得计较起来.例如,一个口误或一个鬼脸都能让一对情人战斗一周之久,细小而看起来不重要的动作却有助于维持彼此的关系保持正常.一件小礼物,一句不加思索的赞美,一会儿身体的接触,都可以大大地强化爱情.
根据心理学家Nathaniel Branden和Robert Sternberg的介绍,他们都是研究有关浪漫爱情中的挑战,并撰写相关的文章.以下少少的兴致和感情的表露,(对于维持爱情,)会比一切的积极聆听和信任游戏更重要.他们的研究得出维持两者彼此之间感觉愉快,满意和高兴的10个关键.
1.告诉你的伴侣,你爱他/她.
虽然,行动比口号更加有力,但言语往往比行动更清晰.时而,花一点儿时间对你的情人表达你的感受.简单的一句"我爱你"或"你是我的一切"可以让你重要的另一伴感到自己是你相要的,关心的和保护的人.
2.表露感情.
小小的亲密的身体接触 --- 漫步在走廊中时用手搂着对方的腰,一起坐在沙发上时用手臂抱着对方的,并排坐时手放在对方的大腿上,逛街时牵着手 --- 能给对方一种温暖的感觉,也传达你对其的爱和情感.微不足道的接触也能是重要的,甚至是比那最长时间的性爱之夜更重要.
3.赞赏对方.
定期地,让对方知道你最喜欢她/他的什么地方---你倾慕的东西,令你自豪的东西,对方在你眼中的强项.构建一段浪漫的爱情不是仅仅指刚开始的结合---(也包括)在各自的人生成长过程中,相互鼓励相互支持.通过不断地鼓励,帮助你的情人的发挥自己的潜能.
4.分享自己的一切.
不要对情人隐藏自己的喜爱和厌恶,梦想和恐惧,成功和挫折,以及任何有关自己的东西.如果有什么事情对你重要,就与情人分享它吧.更重要的是,保证与情人分享得比其他人要多.然而即使在亲密的关系中,人也必然需要个人空间,因此你给更多的耐心和时间,对待情人.
5.时刻准备着为情人服务.
当你的情人面临一个生命中重大的挑战时,如失业或所爱的人死去,显然,你要做一些事情.而当你的情人面临生活的小挑战时,你的支持也是一样重要,如工作争吵,坐车拥挤,丢了钱.当吵闹发生时,不要让自己成为出气袋,也确保不要动手或骂人,而只是令你的皮厚一点,并冷静而有理地解释.听一听什么令对方烦恼,即使算是同情,你一定会帮助对方.
6.送礼物.
把握机会赠送礼物,以表爱情. 如在书店中找到的好看书,一块特别的蛋糕,一件首饰或逛街时留意到的衣服---任何小的或大的礼物,都要告诉对方,你在乎他们.(出门时,)给他们留下爱心便笺,或在工作时,一条短信"我爱你".---话说回来,让他们老是在你的脑海中,也有助于让你的情人在这段爱情中,自我感觉良好和安全.
7.善待情人的要求和缺点.
爱情的一个大杀手就是不可理喻的异常情况.除非你与一个机器人结婚,否则你的情人天生就会有人的缺点和不足.这些是他们的特点,不是错误.学会认识和欣赏情人本来就有的两面性:一个作为人而潜在的部分.因为我们的弱点是由于我们最深处内心的不安.确保你不会指责,也不会纵容情人的缺点.
8.独处时间优先
无论你们俩的生活多忙,保证你至少一周一个或两个晚上让你们单独在一起.经历新的事情,分享各自的人生,或仅仅是享受相互之间相伴的感觉.
9.没什么是理所当然的.
日常中,培养一种对情人感恩的感觉,数以千记的小小的祝愿,会令他或她进入你的生活中.请记住,如果你是爱情中感觉到快乐,那是因为对方正在为你的每一天做了许多的小事情,才能让爱情如此继续(充满希望的,你是属于他们的).不要认为那是理所当然的 ---爱情是有严格准则的事情,当你不遵守时,爱情就会渐渐离你而去.
10.为平等奋斗
确保自己在此段感情中遵守了以下黄金定律:像对待自己一样对待对方.努力让一个决定变得公平,如家务和其他事情,不要仅仅因为你不愿回报,而期望或要求对方特别的照顾.完美恋爱关系的十大关键