Writing Day 12 20190430 gu_writing
全文翻译7：法律和社会 + 如何扣题 1
题目：The society is based on rules and laws.The society would not function well if individual were free to do whatever they want.To what extent do you agree or disagree?
自学步骤一：阅读题目后，写出三个观点：
原因：
自学步骤二：翻译句子：先想词伙，在想句型，然后写句子。
自学步骤三：检查自己的翻译：先看正确的句子的词伙和句子结构，然后看错误的句子，看是否能够发现问题。
介绍段：
| 句子作用 | 中文 | 我写的 | 答案句 | 错误纠正 | 错误类型 |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 背景句， | 1.法律指的是那些实施在人们身上的规则。 | Laws are those rules carried out on people. | 高级词汇的使用，refer,imposed on,human beings, | 词伙 | |
| 我的立场 | 2.虽然法律在规范人们行为上非常重要，但是我认为它约束个人的自由。 | I argue that it is important to control people's behavior,but it limits people's freedom. | Although laws play an important role in regulating our behaviour,I believe that strict laws also restrict our freedom. | it，代指控制人行为，与法律跑偏。 | 语境 |
主题部分第一段：
| 句子作用 | 中文 | 我写的 | 答案句 | 错误纠正 | 错误类型 |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 中心句(社会) | 3.如果社会成员不遵守法律，社会就没有秩序，经济就很难发展。 | If members of society don't obey laws,the economy must have a difficult to develop without society rules. | If no law regulated people's behaviour,a country would be in chaos and the economy would collapse. | would 表推测，a country... and the economy...,in chaos, | 语法，语境,词伙 |
| 举例一 | 4.一些人不遵守交通规则，交通事故就会增加，交通堵塞也会成为一个问题。 | Some people break the traffic rules, so the number of traffic accidents will increase,and the congestion of traffic will become a problem. | If people do not obey traffic regulations,traffic accidents will increase and traffic congestion will become a problem. | 语境，假设的语境 | 语境 |
| 举例二 | 5.在网络上卖假货的人不受惩罚，消费者就不敢买东西，经济就会受影响。 | If people selling false products on-line are not sanction by justice,consumers will be afraid to buy goods, and |
If people who sell fake products online are not punished,consumers will stop shopping on the Internet and a country will suffer economically. | 消费者影响经济发展，语境不符合。fake products,假货， | 语境，词伙 |
主题部分第二段：
| 句子作用 | 中文 | 我的 | 答案 | 改正 | 错误类型 |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 中心句(个人：福利) | 6.人们如果不遵守道德准则和社会规范，人和人之间就会缺乏尊重和信任。 | People will lost trust and respect with each other if they disobey the rules of morality and society. | If people do not fallow moral principles and conform to social norms,they will not be able to develop a respectful and trusting relationship. | moral principles and social norms, | 词伙多样性 |
| 解释 | 7.人们有时候会因为自己的利益驱使去做一些伤害别人的事情。 | Sometimes people absorbed by themselves' benefits will do some things which are harmful to others. | People are sometimes motivated by self-interest to do something that would be harmful to others. | motivated by,被什么驱使，self-interest | 词伙 |
| 举例1 | 8.如果人们出卖朋友，他们就不会合作做事情，社会就缺乏凝聚力。 | If people betray their friends,they will lost cooperation opportunities, |
If people betray the trust of friends,they will not work together and social cohesion will be under threat. | then 无连词功能。 | 语境 |
| 举例2 | 9.如果人们 不守信用，他们就很难一起做生意，而争执影响生产力。 | People without credibility,they have difficulties in collaborating,so conflicts will affect productivity. | If people do not fulfill their promises,they will find it difficult to conduct business together,and arguments will reduce productivity. | fulfill one's promises,实现某人信用 | 词伙，语境 |
主体部分第三段：
| 句子作用 | 中文 | 我的 | 答案 | 改正 | 错误类型 |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 中心句(个人：福利) | 10，然而，有时候，法律不可避免地抑制个人自由，甚至会阻碍社会发展。 | However,sometimes,laws limit personal freedom,even block social development. | Nevertheless,laws sometimes inevitably restrain human's freedom and even hamper/hinder/obstruct social progress. | inevitably,restrain, hamper /hinder/obstruct, | 词伙，语境 |
| 举例1 | 11.例如，一个国家如果对商业实施很多的限制，商业活动就会不够活跃。 | For example,if a nation has strict control on business implementation, |
For instance,if one country has many restrictions on the business world,the business activity will not thrive. | restrictions on ,thrive, | 词伙 |
| 举例2 | 12.如果高收入人群要交很高的收入税，他们可能没有动力去付出更多的努力，提高他们的收入。 | If people who has high income have to pay high tax,they are more likely has no impetuses to make great efforts to increase their income. | If high income earners are subject to high income tax rates, they may lack motivation to make greater efforts to increase their income. | high income earners,高收入者，be subject to ，受支配，high income tax rates,很高的收入税，lack motivation to,缺乏动力去.... | 词伙 |
| 结果 | 13.政府可以放松一些限制，鼓励大家创新，这样有利于社会发展。 | |
The government can relax regulations to foster innovations,which can contribute to social progress. | foster innovations, contribute, | 词伙 |
结论段：
| 句子作用 | 中文 | 我的 | 答案 | 改正 | 错误类型 |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 再次表明立场 | 14.认为社会没有了法律和规则就不能很好的运转是合理的。 | It is reasonable that society |
It is reasonable to conclude that the society cannot operate well without laws and rules. | it is reasonable to conclude that ...operate well,不能缩写 | 词伙 |
| 总结观点 | 15.尽管法律不能让人随心所欲的行为，其主要目的是创造一个大家可以和谐生活的社会。 | Although laws limit people's behaviors to fallow their hearts, |
Even though the law does not allow people to act at will,the main purpose is to create a society where people can live in harmony. | in harmony,act at will,the main purpose is to.. | 词伙 |
自学步骤四：整体学习和检查范文，看看是否符合TELCCS原则。
Task-oriented：每句话要注意扣题，尽量出现 题目的关键词。
Extension：句子要懂得扩展，在简单的想法上增加信息，使句子变得丰富。
Linking devices：句子链接要精密，连接方法灵活有变化，前后句子要保持很好的逻辑。
Consistency ：每个句子要和中心句保持一致，和前面一句话论述保持逻辑一致。
Collocations：用词要尽量使用词伙，尊重单词的搭配习惯。
Syntax：句子结构要准确，变化要合理恰当。
Laws refer to the rules imposed on human beings.Although laws play an important role in regualting our behaviour,I believe that strict laws can also restrict our freedom.
If no law regulated people's behaviour,a country would be in chaos and the economy would collapse.If people do not obey traffic regulations,traffic accidents will increase and traffic congestion will become a problem.
这句话和前面一句话都是以if 开头，不仅影响RGA的成绩，也影响 CC 的成绩。
应该说下交通堵塞对经济的影响，和中心句保持一致，否则会影响cc的成绩
If people who sell fake products online are not punished,consumers will stop shopping on the Internet and a country will suffer economically.
又来一个If,而且中间段没有连接词，影响RGA的成绩，也影响 CC 的成绩。
If people do not fallow moral principles and conform to social norms,they will not be able to develop respectful and trusting relationship.
又来一个If,而且中间段没有连接词，影响RGA的成绩，也影响 CC 的成绩。
这个表达一般是表示行为的规范，和后面说的人和人的相处没有什么联系，会影响cc的分数。
People are sometines motivated by self-interest to do someting that would be harmful to others.
前面也是people，可以用代词连接
If people betray the trust of friends, they will not work together and social cohesion will be under threat.
这里应该有表示例子的连接词，不能再if了，cc 的分数要扣没有了，出现了跳跃，为什么不在一起工作就会影响社会凝聚力。
If people do not fulfil their promises, they will find it difficult to conduct business together, and arguments will reduce productivity.
可以增加一些信息来扣题，提升TR的成绩。
Nevertheless,laws sometimes inevitably restrain human's freedom and even hinder social progress.
转折太厉害了，影响CC的分数
For instance,if one country has many restrictions on the business world,the business activity will not thrive.If high income earners are subject to high income tax rates, they may lack motivation to make greater efforts to increase their income.
又是if 影响GRA和CC的成绩
The governent can relax regulations to foster innovations,which can contribute to social progress.
不太清楚为什么突然说到革新，影响CC的成绩。
It is reasonable to counculde that the society cannot operate well without laws and rules.
和上段话连接不够
Even though the law does not allow people to act as will,the main purpose is to create a society where people can live in harmony.
结尾段和开头段不一致。
粗线是词伙，横线是不同
提升范文：
Laws refer to the rules imposed on human beings.Although laws play an important role in regulating our behaviour,I believe that strict laws can also restrict our freedom.
If no laws regulated people's behaviour, a country would be in chaos and the economy would collapse.For example, if people do not obey traffic regulations, traffic accidents will increase and traffic congestion will become a problem.The revenue of numerous businesses will be affected because their products cannot be delieverd efficiently.Similarly, in a country where there ae no laws to punish those merchants who sell fake products oneline, consumers will stop shopping on the Internet and this country will sufer economically.
Following moral principles is also important;otherwise,people will not be able to develop a respectful and trusting relationship.They are sometimes motivated by self-interest to do something that would be harmful to others,such as betraying the trust of their business partners,but this would cause damage to their relationship.If people do not fulfil theri promises,they will find it difficult to conduct business together, and arguments will reduce productivity.It is fair to say that no society could function well when people lack mutual trust.
On the other hand,laws sometimes inevitably restrain human's freedom and even hinder social progress.For instance,if one country has many restrictions on the business world, the business activity will not thrive.High income earners who are subject to high income tax rates may lack motivation to make grearter efforts to increase their income.The government can relax regulations to unlock potential of these people,which can contribute to social progress.
From what has been discussed,it is reasonble to argue that a country cannot operate well without laws and rules.Alternatively,our society cannot advance easily,if laws are too restrictive.