好的友情都很贵
好的友情都很贵
1
The other day I sipped the tea with Lao Luo in his company which launched a new tea product not long ago. However, he just wanted me over to help him check up some data.
前些日子，去老罗的公司喝茶。老罗的公司最近在上新品，他叫我去无非是让我帮他看看一些数据。
Actually he was authorizing another friend to conduct the market survey.
而他也正委托另一个朋友在做市场调研。
As it happened, this very friend brought to Lao Luo the newly prepared survey report with the data that day.
正巧那天，另一个朋友做完了调研报告和数据，给老罗拿来。
Lao Luo said nothing and got up, calling his secretary in and also instructing the financial department to see to the timely payment.
老罗二话没说，便起身把秘书叫进来，说可以让财务负责打款了。
It seemed that that guy had just set up a team and was likely to lack the business experience. Seeing the outright response from Lao Luo, he was somewhat at a loss, becoming jittery about it and repeatedly saying, “no worry about it, and after all, we’re friends. I am willing to do it for you totally free of charge.”
那个朋友好像是刚做了小团队，可能也未经历太多。面对老罗的爽快，有点手足无措，竟然有点恐慌，连连说：不急的，我们是朋友，哪怕免费做，我也乐意。
Lao Luo smiled and said, “We’ve got acquainted with each other for over a decade. But you are supposed to take what you deserve. I feel happier when we can hit it off well by drawing a clear distinction between the money and our friendship.”
老罗笑了笑，我们是十多年朋友了，该收的钱收下。钱和朋友分开处，最愉快。
Lao Luo put it plainly and continued to chat with me.
老罗说得朴实，接着和我聊天。
Lao Luo owns a company standing in the first rank in the industry. He said, “I absolutely don’t like any other persons to create values for me without charge just because he is my friend. I like to first make it clear about the service reward, so I am fond of making friends with people who take their initiative to talk about money. It has nothing to do with generosity, but on the contrary it represents a sense of propriety between us. The clearer distinction we can draw between money and friendship, the longer the latter can last.”
老罗开着一家同行业排名前列的公司。他说，“我不太喜欢因为结交了一个朋友，而拼命希望他为你免费创造价值。我喜欢主动谈钱，也喜欢和主动谈钱的人做朋友。主动谈钱不是大方，恰恰是彼此的分寸感，金钱和友情分得越清楚，就越能够长久下去。”
It occurs to me that not taking advantage of a friend represents the top-grade self-cultivation for anyone in treating friendship. The trustworthy friendship is really more valuable.
想起一句话：不占朋友的便宜，是一个人对待友情的顶级修养。而好的友情，真的都很贵。
2
The easiest way in dealing with each other is “to make it plain the actual situations and the money thus involved” as the trustworthy friendship is most valuable. We don’t need to be so embarrassed to let the other person know the fact as our friendship may last longer when we make it clear about the money thus involved.
人与人之间最轻松的相处关系是“互相谈情，主动谈钱”。因为好的友情都很贵，谈情并不尴尬，谈钱又会长久。
✦It is your self-cultivation if you can actively make it clear about money as the beneficiary, but it is his or her right to accept it or not.
作为获取一方，主动谈钱是你的修养，是否接受是他的权利。
✦If a payer has the option to initiatively talk about money, it is the self-cultivation of the other party to accept it or not.
而作为付出一方，主动谈钱是你的选择，是否接受是他的修养。
How come that we can have the resolute friendship when we make it clear about money?
为什么谈钱会让友情更坚固？
●It can make our relationship well organized with more constraints.
谈钱，让我们的关系更加有条理，更加有约束。
●We can rest assured that our labor results can be highly guaranteed.
谈钱，让我们对彼此的成果更放心，更有保障。
●We can have more confidence in our future cooperation so that we can take into account the others’ interests with more cooperation motive.
谈钱，让我们有信心在未来的合作中，更能为对方考虑，更有合作动力。
●It can assure us of the dignity in our daily life.
谈钱，也会让你活得更有尊严。
3
I’ve seen a pair of besties fall out and turn hostile to each other.
我见过一对好闺蜜的翻脸。
It sounded quite simple: one of them has her own store, quite close to her bestie. When she is busy, she is always turning to her bestie for help by asking her to look after her store. Her bestie is a full-time housewife who seems to be a good-for-nothing in her eyes.
事情很简单，一个朋友开了个店铺，离闺蜜家很近。每次都会找闺蜜来帮忙看店铺。她的闺蜜是个全职太太，可能在她眼中，就是不干活的女人。
She calls her bestie for almost everything when she has to travel around, dine out and go to the movie. She just thought what her bestie could do for her was nothing but looking after the store for a short while.
出去玩了打电话给闺蜜，去聚餐了打电话给闺蜜，看电影了也打电话给闺蜜。无非是，你帮我看一会店。
Things are in good train, but one day her bestie had enough of it and said, “You know, you’ve actually affected my normal life. To tell you the truth, I still have my own business.”
就这样，一直到某一次，闺蜜终于忍不住了，说，你这样有点影响到我的正常生活了。我也有很多自己的事情要做。
Her friend answered back, “I just ask you over to look after my store, and that once in a while. Good friends should give each other a helping hand.”
那个朋友说，不就是顺便看个店嘛，又不是每天。好朋友之间帮忙是应该的。
Her bestie got irritated, saying, “In fact my time is also valuable. Please remember to pay me for looking after your store next time.”
闺蜜终于发火了：其实，我的时间也很宝贵。麻烦下次来请我看店，付我工资。
Both besties finally broke off good relations. One of them said to me, “I’ve wondered whether I should have turned against her.”
文中那个闺蜜最后和那个朋友撕破了脸。她问我：她也曾经怀疑过，自己是不是不该和她撕破脸。
I just said, “Trustworthy friendship is more valuable. The true bestie is the very person you are reluctant to trouble or offend.”
我说，好的友情都很贵。真正的闺蜜，是那个你舍不得麻烦的人。
4
●If a friend can make cakes, you should not have it totally free every day;
不是朋友会做蛋糕，你就可以每天免费去吃喝；
●If a friend can draw paper, you cannot take it for granted that your decoration is fully secured;
不是朋友会画图纸，你就可以理所当然认为装修有保障了；
●If you have a friend who has a coffee house, you can be seated somewhere for 12 hours each passing day without ordering any paid coffee or anything else.
不是你朋友开咖啡店，你就可以每天12小时坐在里面占着位置不点一杯咖啡；
●If a friend does not work outside, you can order him or her about.
不是你朋友没有工作，你就可以指使她做这做那。
No one can take it for granted to claim the friendship from others, but he or she should value what he or she has paid for it. Paying for what you should pay to the other person is a good token of the friendship you want to express.
友情不是理所当然的索取，而是珍惜珍爱所有的付出。为对方该得的一切付费，是你对友情最好的表示。
All these years, I've made it a rule: actively making it clear about money in the world of clear-cut distinction where we should try to take our initiative to care about the service cost not that we care about money but that we don't want to scrupulously stand aloof from our friends just because of money.
这些年里，我不断练习一件事，是在泾渭分明的世界里，尽可能主动地谈钱。不是因为有钱，而是不想因为钱和好友变得生分和小心翼翼。
One year, a friend of mine published her book, and I bought one in private. If I like something, I’d buy it without much ado. I am fully aware of the value of the treasured friendship, so I don’t ask her to give me a free one. A book costs not much anyway, so I merely deem it as something like a favor.
比如，有一年，我的朋友出书，我私下里，把书买了。我喜欢一本书，都会主动去买，我知道情谊珍贵，我不会主动开口要求别人送。一本书花不了多少钱，权当是支持。
One day, she came over to my house, saying that she made a point of sending me her book.
有一天，她来我家做客，说，给我拿了一本她的书。
But after she looked around and found there being one on the bookshelf, she was quite surprised, asking, “We are good friends, so do you think it necessary to buy one? Sure I can give you one.”
她到我家后，发现书架里已经存放着她的那一本。好友一惊。她说，你是我的好朋友，有必要买吗？我自然会送。
“It was an impulse buy as I wanted to read your book without any delay and I fully recognized your great efforts, so I just paid for the book. What you’ve done is more than the amount paid by readers.”
“我想读你的书，认可你的付出，自然会付费，而你的付出，配得上钱。”
Later my friend said, “Those guys who are just bowing acquaintances send me the short message for free books on every occasion, so I feel quite embarrassed.” The books she sent out were all bought from the press. Her close friends were all in the name list for free books, but they had already bought her books.
好友后来说，倒是那些关系特别一般的，总是会动不动给她发信息，要求送书，弄得她好生尴尬。因为她的书，也是问出版社买的。倒是关系好的，原本已经列入送书名单，大多都已经买了。
5
Once, a friend asked me: “Is it necessary for friends to help each other? How can we talk about money or things like that?”
曾经有人问我，朋友之间，不是应该互相帮忙，怎么能谈钱呢！
So I gave him such a piece of advice: if you are the payer, it is your option to talk about money or not. If you are the beneficiary, I beg you not to avoid it.
于是我丢了他一句话：如果你是付出一方，你是否选择谈钱，是你的权利了。如果你是获取一方，麻烦就不要那么理所当然了。
I am now quite clear about it: the closer friend someone is, the more carefully he or she will value everything you have—your looks, your talent, your labor and your value; however, the nodding acquaintances always remain at the state of wait and see toward you, illegibly treating everything you have as they are willing to share weal but not woe with you. So they are ready to escape unscathed and also maintain the enthusiastic attitude toward you from time to time.
我越来越觉得，越是真心朋友，越是珍惜你的一切——珍惜你的容貌、珍惜你的才华、珍惜你的劳动、珍惜你的价值；而那些泛泛之交，他们始终对你保持着观望状态，暧昧地对待你的一切——他们愿意和你共享乐，并不愿意与你共患难，所以他们保持着全身而退的准备，也拥有着时刻热情的心态。
“Just bear in mind: never take advantage of a friend; the more advantage you take of your friend, the sooner the friendship between you will be gone.
所以，记得，千万别想着占朋友的便宜，便宜占多了，友情就远了。
Friends should treasure everything the other friend has, know how to actively talk about money and do kindness in exchange for that given by others.
身为朋友，懂得珍惜对方的一切，懂得礼尚往来，懂得主动谈钱，懂得对价交换。
Money is the touchstone for friendship and also is the escort vessel for friendship.
金钱是友情的试金石，也是友情的护驾船。
Trustworthy friendship is most valuable. It is highly hoped that every one of us knows the ropes.
好的友情都很贵。希望每个人都能懂得。
关于本文
★中文：谢可慧
专栏作家。个人公众号：秋小愚
★ 英文：阎成席
资深翻译、英语发音和朗读方法的研学者、知名英语网站专栏作家，也是在线语音、口语、语法、阅读和翻译等课程主讲，特别是《新概念》、《阎老师四六级翻译课程》等。