Daily diary — 17th May

One year has gone , what I have gotten in the last year ? I mastered some basic skills about clinical operations and knowed  how to deal with the patients when they were sent into our emergency room , I learned many new medicines usage .

Becasue of the epidemic situdation , ShangHai was locked in the last several months , which made all the citizens difficult to buy daily necessities .  In a sense , I exercised my privilege as medical staff and can come in and go out my community freely because I got a work certificate legally .

There are so many M.D. in my hospital , I am a little anxious about my degree and qualification for I only got a bachelor degree . Though I told myself that it's not significant for the whole life , but I can't comfort myself and get inner peace . It makes me stressed and it also becomes the motivation to work hard .

Be a common people , ordinary but not mediocre . I learned a case report in professor's lecture hall , a girl , 24 years old , was diagnosed with cardiac malignancy ,and what she can do was waiting to die . I was shocked when I heard the prognosis of this disease from  professor's mouth . How could it be ? She was only 24 , was at the peak of her beauty and health , she was a postgraduate and would continue her school work and would have a promising future . It's so cruel ，though I have seen many people's  death in my ambulance when i was a pre-hospital doctor , I can't accept this ending . Compared with her destiny , I was lucky enough , and my anxiety is worth nothing .

Life is so strange , everyone has his own road , we need to improve ourselves , we need to stand the sadness which life bring to us , we envy others having such a happy life and ignore what they have paid for their present happiness . We believe that its unfair and distort our mind . and we refuse to admit that we are wrong . we have no answer at all .

I am still alive , and try to find my own answer , maybe die someday , maybe get a little progress someday , but will eventually disappear in the long river  of history .