Call Me by Your Name-1

Before reading the novel, I once thought it's a light romantic story. While reading it, I feel nothing but pain and contradiction during a secret love.

As it mostly consists of the narrate of the hero Elio.I kind of step into the inner self of him. At the beginning, I feel like being surrounded by endless frost. Gradually I can understand him.

His feeling for Olive can be divided into two parts.One is that almost all the ordinary adolescence will or have experienced more or less, the thoughts that don't want to expose his feelings and love.

I mentioned his absence only when one of them wondered where he’d been; I would pretend to look as startled as they were. Oh, that’s right, he’s been gone so long. No, no idea.

The other is the special feeling just belong to him , caused by Olive's win-everyone-over character , the feel that want to possess the whole Olive completely.

I was Glaucus and he was Diomedes. In the name of some obscure cult among men, I was giving him my golden armor for his bronze. Fair exchange. Neither haggled, just as neither spoke of thrift or extravagance.

which even leads to carzy（As Elio realized the moment after he had done it）behavior that for a born-single like me cannot be understand

I brought the bathing suit to my face, then rubbed my face inside of it, as if I were trying to snuggle into it and lose myself inside its folds—So this is what he smells like when his body isn’t covered in suntan lotion, this is what he smells like, this is what he smells like, I kept repeating to myself, looking inside the suit for something more personal yet than his smell and then kissing every corner of it, almost wishing to find hair, anything, to lick it, to put the whole bathing suit into my mouth, and, if I could only steal it,keep it with me forever, never ever let Mafalda wash it, turn to it in the winter months at home and, on sniffing it, bring him back to life, as naked as he was with me at this very moment. On impulse, I removed my bathing suit and began to put his on.

As a reader rather than a participater , the only thing I want it's Elio telling Olive what he feels or eventually it'll end up as a pity.