2019年6月写作直播反馈（二）

自现象级英语

A vivid introduction to a place/ painting

主语不当

Correction

修改：criminal punishment 刑事犯罪, 监管 supervision 须明确针对的对象, policy 可去掉

拓展：capital punishment 死刑

Correction

简洁： housing speculation 

Correction

表达：cultural capital 模糊 ，类似soft skills

Correction

version 2: 更明确、简洁，表达要直接

corruption 一般不用复数

Correction

财务公开透明financial transparency, transparent finance

Correction

screening 筛选 vetting 背景调查， 剔除bad apples

The two words, education and training, are highly interchangeable.

Reminder: 明确抽象概念的具体指向

更正 in the fight against obesity/ overweight

一个人：所以锻炼和饮食均可用单数

logic: losing weight 中性概念 此处应是against + 负向概念，losing weight 使用不当

sobriety用词妙，节制

更正为：Without sobriety and perseverence, people risk a relapse in the fight against (heavy/excessive) drinking. 

不足：简洁性和逻辑

注意：against 的用法

lip service 光说不做，玩嘴皮子  pay lip service to sb/ sth

修改：补课 make up the missed classes 课外补习班、提高班 after-school classes/ programmes ；remedial 补救

remedial classes 学习障碍

Correction

高考的公平性是new idea，前文无铺垫，这里出现是突兀的

low-hanging fruit

顺德

拼写： religious

few, cultural

漫步断桥、

中西合璧，新旧交融

修改：boast, streets

中式表达：climax history

Correction

To wander Kaifeng's streets which is known for a magnificant painting Along the River During the Qingming Festival is to walk through ...

聚焦到微妙的地方

Correction

inner cities, downtown

Recommended reading

书名：Writing Places

tapestry 挂毯 a tapestry of 一幅画卷

书名：Here Is New York（the best love letter ever written to New York）

It has the vibrancy of a whole world.

cream of the cream

Personal Review

Less is more.

Without academic commitment and the deliberate practice to match, writers risk a relapse in the fight against verbosity. The risk can be minimised, though not eradicated, by penning by the maxim, "Less is more."

Few wordsmiths boast the clarity and brevity of Laozi. To read Tao Te Ching is to walk through what makes Taoism extraodinary. Word power is thus exemplified.

Understandably, English learners prone to be wordy are adviced to gravitate towards conciseness.  

Reference: Why less is more when it comes to writing ?