But he felt thirsty, and went into the kitchen to get himself some water. Here, too, was order.
On a rack were the plates that she had used for dinner on the night of her quarrel with Strickland, and they had been carefully washed.
The knives and forks were put away in a drawer. Under a cover were the remains of a piece of cheese, and in a tin box was a crust of bread.
She had done her marketing from day to day, buying only what was strictly needful, so that nothing was left over from one day to the next.
Stroeve knew from the enquiries made by the police that Strickland had walked out of the house immediately after dinner, and the fact that Blanche had washed up the things as usual gave him a little thrill of horror. {1}
Her methodicalness made her suicide more deliberate (深思熟虑的). Her self-possession was frightening. A sudden pang seized him, and his knees felt so weak that he almost fell.
He went back into the bedroom and threw himself on the bed. He cried out her name.
"Blanche. Blanche."
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The thought of her suffering was intolerable.
He had a sudden vision of her standing in the kitchen -- it was hardly larger than a cupboard -- washing the plates and glasses, the forks and spoons, giving the knives a rapid polish on the knife-board;
and then putting everything away, giving the sink a scrub, and hanging the dish-cloth up to dry -- it was there still, a gray torn rag; then looking round to see that everything was clean and nice.
He saw her roll down her sleeves and remove her apron (围裙)-- the apron hung on a peg behind the door -- and take the bottle of oxalic acid and go with it into the bedroom.
The agony (痛苦) of it drove him up from the bed and out of the room. He went into the studio.
It was dark, for the curtains had been drawn over the great window, and he pulled them quickly back; but a sob broke from him as with a rapid glance he took in the place where he had been so happy.
Nothing was changed here, either. Strickland was indifferent to his surroundings, and he had lived in the other's studio without thinking of altering a thing.
It was deliberately artistic. It represented (表现) Stroeve's idea of the proper environment for an artist.
There were bits of old brocade (织锦) on the walls, and the piano was covered with a piece of silk, beautiful and tarnished;
in one corner was a copy of the Venus of Milo, and in another of the Venus of the Medici. {2}
Here and there was an Italian cabinet surmounted with Delft, and here and there a bas-relief (浅浮雕).
In a handsome gold frame was a copy of Velasquez' Innocent X., that Stroeve had made in Rome, and placed so as to make the most of their decorative effect were a number of Stroeve's pictures, all in splendid frames. {3}
Stroeve had always been very proud of his taste.
He had never lost his appreciation for the romantic atmosphere of a studio, and though now the sight of it was like a stab (刺) in his heart, without thinking what he was at, he changed slightly the position of a Louis XV. table (路易十五时代的桌子) which was one of his treasures.
Suddenly he caught sight of a canvas with its face to the wall. It was a much larger one than he himself was in the habit of using, and he wondered what it did there.
He went over to it and leaned it towards him so that he could see the painting. It was a nude (裸体画).
His heart began to beat quickly, for he guessed at once that it was one of Strickland's pictures.
He flung it back against the wall angrily -- what did he mean by leaving it there? -- but his movement caused it to fall, face downwards, on the ground.
No matter whose the picture, he could not leave it there in the dust, and he raised it; but then curiosity got the better of him.
He thought he would like to have a proper look at it, so he brought it along and set it on the easel (画架). Then he stood back in order to see it at his ease.
He gave a gasp (喘气). It was the picture of a woman lying on a sofa, with one arm beneath her head and the other along her body;
one knee was raised, and the other leg was stretched out. The pose was classic (古典的). Stroeve's head swam. It was Blanche.
Grief and jealousy and rage seized him, and he cried out hoarsely (刺耳地); he was inarticulate; he clenched his fists and raised them threateningly at an invisible enemy.
He screamed at the top of his voice. He was beside himself. He could not bear it. That was too much.
He looked round wildly for some instrument; he wanted to hack (砍) the picture to pieces; it should not exist another minute.
He could see nothing that would serve his purpose; he rummaged about his painting things; somehow he could not find a thing; he was frantic (疯狂的).
At last he came upon what he sought, a large scraper (刮刀), and he pounced on it with a cry of triumph. He seized it as though it were a dagger, and ran to the picture.
As Stroeve told me this he became as excited as when the incident occurred, and he took hold of a dinner-knife on the table between us, and brandished (挥舞) it.
He lifted his arm as though to strike, and then, opening his hand, let it fall with a clatter to the ground.
He looked at me with a tremulous (发抖的) smile. He did not speak.
"Fire away," I said.
"I don't know what happened to me. I was just going to make a great hole in the picture, I had my arm all ready for the blow, when suddenly I seemed to see it."
"See what?"
"The picture. It was a work of art. I couldn't touch it. I was afraid."
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Stroeve was silent again, and he stared at me with his mouth open and his round blue eyes starting out of his head.
"It was a great, a wonderful picture. I was seized with awe (敬畏). I had nearly committed a dreadful crime. I moved a little to see it better, and my foot knocked against the scraper. I shuddered (发抖)."
I really felt something of the emotion that had caught him. I was strangely impressed. It was as though I were suddenly transported into a world in which the values were changed.
I stood by, at a loss, like a stranger in a land where the reactions of man to familiar things are all different from those he has known.
Stroeve tried to talk to me about the picture, but he was incoherent (语无伦次的), and I had to guess at what he meant.
Strickland had burst the bonds that hitherto (迄今) had held him. He had found, not himself, as the phrase goes, but a new soul with unsuspected powers. {4}
It was not only the bold simplification of the drawing which showed so rich and so singular a personality;
it was not only the painting, though the flesh was painted with a passionate sensuality which had in it something miraculous;
it was not only the solidity, so that you felt extraordinarily the weight of the body;
there was also a spirituality, troubling and new, which led the imagination along unsuspected ways, and suggested dim empty spaces, lit only by the eternal stars, where the soul, all naked, adventured fearful to the discovery of new mysteries. {5}
If I am rhetorical (词藻华丽的) it is because Stroeve was rhetorical. (Do we not know that man in moments of emotion expresses himself naturally in the terms of a novelette?)
Stroeve was trying to express a feeling which he had never known before, and he did not know how to put it into common terms.
He was like the mystic seeking to describe the ineffable (不可言喻的).
But one fact he made clear to me; people talk of beauty lightly, and having no feeling for words, they use that one carelessly, so that it loses its force;
and the thing it stands for, sharing its name with a hundred trivial objects, is deprived of dignity.
They call beautiful a dress, a dog, a sermon; and when they are face to face with Beauty cannot recognise it.
The false emphasis with which they try to deck their worthless thoughts blunts their susceptibilities.
Like the charlatan who counterfeits (仿造) a spiritual force he has sometimes felt, they lose the power they have abused.
But Stroeve, the unconquerable buffoon (小丑), had a love and an understanding of beauty which were as honest and sincere as was his own sincere and honest soul.
It meant to him what God means to the believer, and when he saw it he was afraid.