Daily diary — 19th May

    It’s 9:32 PM now , I delay writing my article because I play computer games again . Dark souls 3 and CSGO are so attractive that I can’t stop to begin my daily task immediately . I am not a self-disciplined guy .

    My roommate asked me that why he can see me in my bedroom everyday and when I begin to work . I told him that my induction as a resident doctor would start in July . I still have 2 months to prepare for my imminent job . If not play games , I really don’t know what I can do . I enjoyed the languid 6 months . I have no specific aims and sometimes I can’t evaluate myself correctly . I just got what I deserved .

    I bought myself a pack of apples , it’s a little luxurious to me now . I have no receipts so I need to be frugal . I could have gotten a part-time job to earn money but I didn’t do it and choose to stay at home . Who can I blame ? Only myself . A person who is reluctant to give up something will obtain nothing eventually . I can’t abandon my physical exercise , my mouth organ practicing , my so-called courtesy , my non-professional books reading . So I failed my postgraduate entrance exam for 4 times . I am anxious and confused for my future . I want to grasp many things and find there always are someone stronger than me in that aspect . I lose myself in my inner comparison and have no confidence in myself . That will have a malign effect on my mental health .

    Now it’s 10:22 , my writing speed is still so slow . I can’t get rid of the electronic dictionary for My grammar and words use is not very fluent . I need to find a verb form or adjective form of a word in the electronic dictionary . With the iPad , I don’t need to spell every letter of a word so I guess that it will impair my spelling ability . I can identify a word but can’t spell it .

    I read The Plum in the Golden Vase the day before yesterday . Ximen Qing and his 6 wives lead a affluent life in Song Dynasty . They have no work and don’t need to make money by toiling in the fields . Their pursuits are various sexual life and kinds of delicacies . The first time I read the description of sex , I felt excited . When I read half of the book . I am disgusted with Ximen Qing’s insatiable desire for sex . There are also other distractions in his era , such as playing chess , listening the songs sung by the ancient actress . I can enjoy all of them through my computer . So I am a few tired of reading this book , though I only read a half of it .

    It’s 11:00 PM now , I should do some physical exercise , bye !