策略一：伟大的父母说话算数

        伟大的父母说话算数。

        这个原则有两层含义：不要制定你不能执行的规则；履行你的承诺。

        要让孩子知道你是说话算数的，这一点很重要。这能够建立相互的信赖和尊重，为良好的亲子关系打下基础（参考第74个策略）。

        因此，如果你告诉你的学步儿孩子，如果她再从货架上把东西拉下来，你就会离开杂货店，那么你就要准备好执行到底（参考策略53）。同样地，如果你告诉你五岁的孩子必须先穿好外套和鞋子再去打棒球赛，但他却故意不穿就跑，那么你就要把棒球赛取消（但是首先要确认他听到了你的要求；参考策略29）。

        说话算数还有另一个让人满意的作用，就是减少孩子对界限的试探。如果他们知道你说到做到，这意味着你的行为是可预测的，那么，他们就不用浪费时间和努力来看看你是不是认真的（参考策略34）。

        出于同样的理由，兑现你的承诺也同样重要。比如，如果你告诉孩子，再过五分钟你就会离开电脑来为他读书，那你就要准备好五分钟后停下来并且兑现你的承诺。如果你总是让他走开，或者推迟时间（“再过几分钟就好了，亲爱的”），那你的孩子可能最后会对你的承诺持怀疑的态度。

        试试这个：要注意你对孩子的承诺。无论是承诺一起做事情（“我完成这个电子邮件后就来跟你一起打篮球”）还是宣布违反规则的后果（“如果你再私自从货架上拿东西，我们就要立刻离开杂货店”）。

        要确定执行你所说的（如果实在不能执行，要承认你的承诺，并且仔细地解释你不能执行的理由）。

1

Great parents

do what they say they are going to do

THIS PRINCIPLE IS twofold:

Don’t make rules you can’t or won’t enforce.

Keep your commitments.

It’s important for kids to know that you mean what you say. This builds mutual trust and respect, which are the cornerstones of a great parent–child relationship (see also #74).

So if you tell your toddler that you will leave the grocery store if she pulls one more item off the shelf, then you must be prepared to follow through (see also #53). Similarly, if your five-year-old intentionally scampers away after you tell him that he cannot go to the baseball game unless he puts his coat and shoes on right now, then the baseball game must be skipped. (But first be sure he really heard your request; see #29.)

Doing what you say you will do also has the pleasant side effect of minimizing how much testing of boundaries your kids will do. If they expect you to do what you say you will do—that is, you are predictable—then it becomes not worth their time and effort to see if you really mean it (see also #34).

For the same reason, it’s equally important to keep your commitments. If you tell your child you will get off your computer in five minutes to read to him, for example, then be prepared to stop at that time and follow through on what you said. If you keep putting him off or changing the timeline (“Just a few more minutes, honey”), your child may eventually become skeptical when you make a commitment to him.

TRY THIS: Pay careful attention to the commitments you make to your kids, whether you are committing to do something together (“I’ll play basketball with you after I finish this e-mail”) or specifying a consequence for breaking a rule (“If you take something else off the shelf without asking, we are leaving the grocery store”).

Be sure to follow through on what you’ve said (or acknowledge your commitment and explain carefully the reasons why you could not follow through).