Children Find Meaning In Old Family Tales
在三个子女成长过程中，来自科罗拉多的史蒂夫•盖勒(C. Stephen Guyer)喜欢把自己祖父的故事讲给他们听。作为一位银行家，尽管在30年代的经济危机中失去全部家产，盖勒的祖父却没有忘记人生最重要的东西。盖勒告诉孩子，在最黑暗的日子，濒临破产的曾祖父仍然用一辆车载着全家人奔赴加拿大看望亲人。盖勒说，这个故事的寓意是，“生活中还有很多比钱更重要的东西。”Matt Collins这个故事最近有了姊妹篇。盖勒要比较从奢侈的大房子搬到小房子里去了。他曾担心三个孩子会感到沮丧。但他惊奇地发现，15岁的女儿和一对22岁的双胞胎不但不沮丧，反而表现得像当年的曾祖父一样。盖勒说，孩子们告诉他：他们真正关心的是家人在新家里是否感到温暖，是否能敞开心扉。当家家户户忙着缩减开支的时候，很多父母发现，家族故事具有神奇的力量，能够帮助孩子度过艰难的日子。讲故事专家表示，父母的这种认识说明美国人对于讲故事的兴趣正在增加，与此同时，有关讲故事的聚会和庆典也越来越多。最新研究也揭示出家族故事的价值，将青少年在这方面的了解与改善行为和心理健康联系起来。心理学教授罗宾•菲伍什(Robyn Fivush)透露，艾默里大学(Emory University)曾对65个拥有14到16岁子女的家庭进行研究，发现孩子复述家族故事的能力越强，就越不容易出现抑郁和焦虑情绪，出于挫折或愤怒而产生的行为也越少。菲伍氏说：“了解家族故事使孩子们更为全面地看待自己的经历。”讲故事的技巧在于，要以孩子乐于接受的方式进行。以这种话开头的故事就不要讲了──“在我小的时候，每天都是走路上下学，来回都要爬山，下雪天也光着脚。”按照田纳西州琼斯伯勒地区非营利机构“全国讲故事网” (National Storytelling Network)主席沙利•诺夫尔克(Sherry Norfolk)的说法，故事应该针对孩子的需求，讲述的时候要有目光接触，创造“身临其境”的感觉。“你不需要点出故事里面的道理，”诺夫尔克说，“孩子们凭直觉就能懂得故事的寓意。”几年以前，面对被迫转校，亚特兰大卡拉•弗里曼(Carla Freeman)的女儿显得很焦虑。弗里曼就把自己小时候在社区内转校的故事讲给孩子听：刚转校的时候，老朋友失去联系，在新学校里也显得很不合群，但自己很快就振作起精神，结识了新朋友。弗里曼认为这个故事对女儿的成长起到了帮助，如今12岁的女儿不仅能承受打击，也乐于迎接各种挑战。幽默感可能使故事更受欢迎。达拉斯的斯科特•普雷格(Scott Prengle)曾在家里给17岁的儿子鲍比(Bobby)讲述祖父的故事。在祖父成长的年代，人们非常贫困，吃不饱饭的同学会把祖父午餐吃剩的苹果核狼吞虎咽地吃下去。一天吃晚餐时，鲍比拿着几乎空了的沙拉酱瓶子往盘子里到沙拉酱，斯科特笑着建议儿子效仿祖父的做法：往沙拉瓶子里加些水，确保不浪费每一滴沙拉酱。斯科特说，尽管祖父节俭的生活习惯把大家逼得要发疯，但是背后的理念很简单──不要浪费任何东西。鲍比拒绝减少在服装方面的支出，但是他说自己正以其它方式效仿祖父──节省回形针和橡皮筋。最近，当斯科特削减家庭开支时，他发现祖父的故事在鲍比身上产生了效果，鲍比平静地放弃了自己经常使用的健身会员卡。菲伍什说，有时你以为孩子们并没在认真听你讲故事，其实他们在听。罗德岛普罗维登斯的托马斯•彭特(Thomas Pontes)以为自己16岁14岁和12岁的孩子对于祖父的故事并不感兴趣。他们的祖父是一位移民美国的农场工人，他凭借自己的双手，从只能住牲口棚到拥有自己的家庭。彭特认为，这个故事蕴含着乐观主义精神，只要拥有乐观的希望，放牛羊的农工也可以通过奋斗，最终在大西洋彼岸的美国站稳脚跟。但是当我和彭特16岁的女儿凯蒂(Katie)聊起祖父的故事，她告诉我，她不仅记得这些故事，而且因为这些故事变得更加珍惜生活，更加体会到生活的幸福。菲伍什说，即使孩子们看上去并不欣赏家族故事，慢慢的，孩子们也会意识到这些故事的重要性。Sue Shellenbarger
When C. Stephen Guyer's three children were growing up, he told them stories about how his grandfather, a banker, lost all in the 1930s, but didn't lose sight of what he valued most. In one of the darkest times, Mr. Guyer says, when his grandfather was nearly broke, he loaded his family into the car and took them to see family members in Canada. The message: 'There are more important things in life than money,' says Mr. Guyer, of Littleton, Colo.The tale took on new relevance recently, when Mr. Guyer downsized to a small house from a more luxurious one. He was worried that his children, a daughter, 15, and twins, 22, would be upset. To his surprise, they weren't. Instead, their reaction echoed their great-grandfather's. 'What they care about,' Mr. Guyer says his children told him, 'is how warm are the people in the house, how much of their heart is accessible.'As parents cut budgets, many are finding family stories have surprising power to help children through hard times. Storytelling experts say the phenomenon reflects a growing national interest in telling tales, evidenced by a rise in storytelling events and festivals. New research bears out the value of family stories, linking teens' knowledge of them to better behavior and mental health.An Emory University study of 65 families with children ages 14 to 16 found kids' ability to retell parents' stories was linked to a lower rate of depression and anxiety and less acting-out of frustration or anger, says Robyn Fivush, a psychology professor. Knowing family stories 'helps children put their own experience in perspective,' Dr. Fivush says.The trick is telling the stories in a way children can hear. We're not talking here about the kind of story that begins, 'When I was a kid, I walked to school every day uphill both ways, barefoot in the snow.' Instead, choose a story suited to your child's needs, and make eye contact to create 'a personal experience,' says Sherry Norfolk, chairman of the National Storytelling Network, a Jonesborough, Tenn., nonprofit. 'You don't have to tell children what they should take from the story,' she says. 'They can intuitively understand what the moral is.'When Carla Freeman's daughter became anxious a few years ago about having to change schools, the Atlanta mother related her own childhood stories of switching to another school in her community. Her old friends dropped her and, at her new school, 'I was kind of an oddball' at first, she told her daughter. But Ms. Freeman bounced back and made new friends. She credits the stories with helping her daughter, now 12, develop resiliency and the ability to 'hold herself together' against challenges.A touch of humor helps. At Scott Prengle's Dallas home, his son Bobby, 17, has heard tales about his grandfather growing up in times so hard that his hungry schoolmates would devour apple cores left over from his lunch. As Bobby tapped a nearly empty salad-dressing bottle over his salad at dinner one evening, Scott laughed and invited him to do as his grandfather did: Put water in the bottle and shake it up, to use every last drop. Scott says his father's frugal habits 'drove us crazy, but the idea was that nothing went to waste.'While Bobby declined to water down his dressing, he says of his grandfather that 'I follow in his footsteps' in other ways, saving paper clips and rubber bands. And when Scott recently trimmed the family budget, he thought he saw an echo of his late father in Bobby, in the way he calmly accepted the loss of his oft-used gym membership.Even when you think your children aren't listening to your stories, Dr. Fivush says, they probably are. Thomas Pontes thought his children, 12, 14 and 16, shrugged off tales of his grandfather, an immigrant farmhand who worked his way up from living in a barn to owning a home. To Mr. Pontes, of Providence, R.I., the story shows 'the kind of optimism you need to pick yourself up from a field somewhere tending cattle' to cross the Atlantic, fueled solely by hope.But when I asked his daughter Katie, 16, about the stories, she not only remembered them, but said they've 'helped me become more appreciative of my life and how easy things are for me.' Even if kids don't seem to appreciate family stories, she says, in time they'll 'realize just how important they are.'Sue Shellenbarger
When C. Stephen Guyer's three children were growing up, he told them stories about how his grandfather, a banker, lost all in the 1930s, but didn't lose sight of what he valued most. In one of the darkest times, Mr. Guyer says, when his grandfather was nearly broke, he loaded his family into the car and took them to see family members in Canada. The message: 'There are more important things in life than money,' says Mr. Guyer, of Littleton, Colo.The tale took on new relevance recently, when Mr. Guyer downsized to a small house from a more luxurious one. He was worried that his children, a daughter, 15, and twins, 22, would be upset. To his surprise, they weren't. Instead, their reaction echoed their great-grandfather's. 'What they care about,' Mr. Guyer says his children told him, 'is how warm are the people in the house, how much of their heart is accessible.'As parents cut budgets, many are finding family stories have surprising power to help children through hard times. Storytelling experts say the phenomenon reflects a growing national interest in telling tales, evidenced by a rise in storytelling events and festivals. New research bears out the value of family stories, linking teens' knowledge of them to better behavior and mental health.An Emory University study of 65 families with children ages 14 to 16 found kids' ability to retell parents' stories was linked to a lower rate of depression and anxiety and less acting-out of frustration or anger, says Robyn Fivush, a psychology professor. Knowing family stories 'helps children put their own experience in perspective,' Dr. Fivush says.The trick is telling the stories in a way children can hear. We're not talking here about the kind of story that begins, 'When I was a kid, I walked to school every day uphill both ways, barefoot in the snow.' Instead, choose a story suited to your child's needs, and make eye contact to create 'a personal experience,' says Sherry Norfolk, chairman of the National Storytelling Network, a Jonesborough, Tenn., nonprofit. 'You don't have to tell children what they should take from the story,' she says. 'They can intuitively understand what the moral is.'When Carla Freeman's daughter became anxious a few years ago about having to change schools, the Atlanta mother related her own childhood stories of switching to another school in her community. Her old friends dropped her and, at her new school, 'I was kind of an oddball' at first, she told her daughter. But Ms. Freeman bounced back and made new friends. She credits the stories with helping her daughter, now 12, develop resiliency and the ability to 'hold herself together' against challenges.A touch of humor helps. At Scott Prengle's Dallas home, his son Bobby, 17, has heard tales about his grandfather growing up in times so hard that his hungry schoolmates would devour apple cores left over from his lunch. As Bobby tapped a nearly empty salad-dressing bottle over his salad at dinner one evening, Scott laughed and invited him to do as his grandfather did: Put water in the bottle and shake it up, to use every last drop. Scott says his father's frugal habits 'drove us crazy, but the idea was that nothing went to waste.'While Bobby declined to water down his dressing, he says of his grandfather that 'I follow in his footsteps' in other ways, saving paper clips and rubber bands. And when Scott recently trimmed the family budget, he thought he saw an echo of his late father in Bobby, in the way he calmly accepted the loss of his oft-used gym membership.Even when you think your children aren't listening to your stories, Dr. Fivush says, they probably are. Thomas Pontes thought his children, 12, 14 and 16, shrugged off tales of his grandfather, an immigrant farmhand who worked his way up from living in a barn to owning a home. To Mr. Pontes, of Providence, R.I., the story shows 'the kind of optimism you need to pick yourself up from a field somewhere tending cattle' to cross the Atlantic, fueled solely by hope.But when I asked his daughter Katie, 16, about the stories, she not only remembered them, but said they've 'helped me become more appreciative of my life and how easy things are for me.' Even if kids don't seem to appreciate family stories, she says, in time they'll 'realize just how important they are.'Sue Shellenbarger