I don't want a wedding I want a marriage

In our ages of personal choice and freedom, where brides run riot through popular culture, we are supposed to believe that marriage is all about the bride and the groom.”It’s your big day” People thrill. Already marrieds go misty-eyed recalling their own special day and brainwashing you saying, “it’ll be the best day of your life.” 

Wedding magazines, blogs, books and films abound telling the bride how to make her day extra specially special. What they don’t tell you is that “your day” has to fit within the norms of family convention and tradition and that-unless you want what everyone else wants-it’s not really your day at all.

As I thought of ways to have a more traditional wedding to make everyone else happy, my dream ceremony got further and further away. The joy and excitement I’d felt about my upcoming marriage was replaced by anxiety.

I was never the little girl who planned her wedding. I never wanted the big affair. Weddings are no longer about celebrating the love and commitment of two people joining themselves for eternity. They are about everyone else. Every other person has an opinion and knows just how “your” day should be. If you do not have the right menu options, or the correct dress, or the music isnb’t  exactly what everyone else wants, it’s drama.

Weddings are the least important day of a marriage. A marriage isn’t built on the color or your flowers, or the songs your Dj plays. A marriage is build on the moments you actually spend together, because, let’s be honest, you spend exactly zero quality time together at your wedding.

The man I love, the one  I have chosen to commit my time and effort to love without fail, does not need me to make a big day.He needs me to make a big life. A lifetime filled with all the love, honesty, and support I could ever give to another human being.

He needs me to help show our child how to grow and be successful. He needs me to be a wife for a lifetime, not a bride for the day. To wake up next to and take on the day together.

I want that. That love and support, that family, that lifetime.

I want a marriage.