TED | 20岁光阴不再来 Meg Jay

Thirty's the new 20," Alex would say, and as far as I could tell, she was right. Work happened later, marriage happened later, kids happened later, even death happened later. Twentysomethings like Alex and I had nothing but time.                                    Alex说：“30岁是一个新的20岁”。没错，我告诉她“你是对的”。工作还早，结婚还早，生孩子还早，甚至死亡也早着呢。像Alex和我这样20多岁的人，什么都没有但时间多的是。

But before long, my supervisor pushed me to push Alex about her love life. I pushed back. I said, "Sure, she's dating down, she's sleeping with a knucklehead, but it's not like she's going to marry the guy." And then my supervisor said, "Not yet, but she might marry the next one. Besides, the best time to work on Alex's marriage is before she has one."。。但不久之后，我的导师就要我向Alex的感情生活施压。我反驳说：“当然她现在正在和别人交往，她现在和一个傻瓜男生睡觉，但看样子她不会和他结婚的。” 而我的导师说：“不着急，她也许会和下一个傻瓜结婚。但修复Alex婚姻的最好时期是她还没拥有婚姻的时期。”

20多岁是发展的黄金阶段，我们可以用来选择事业、选择爱情、提升自己，然而我们总是觉得时间还多，等到30岁再做决定也不迟。于是当自己快到30岁时又要为不热爱的事业、不怎么样的伴侣、一事无成的自己而感到焦虑和悔恨。

Leonard Bernstein said that to achieve great things, you need a plan and not quite enough time. Isn't that true? So what do you think happens when you pat a twenty something on the head and you say, "You have 10 extra years to start your life"? Nothing happens. You have robbed that person of his urgency and ambition, and absolutely nothing happens.       雷昂纳德·伯恩斯坦说过：要想取得成就，你需要一个计划和紧迫的时间。这是大实话啊！所以当你拍着一个20多岁的人的脑袋，跟他说，“你还有10年去开始你的生活”，你觉得这改变了什么？什么都没改变。你只是夺走了那个人的紧迫感和雄心壮志，绝对没有改变什么。

And then every day, smart, interesting twenty somethings like you or like your sons and daughters come into my office and say things like this: "I know my boyfriend's no good for me, but this relationship doesn't count. I'm just killing time." Or they say, "Everybody says as long as I get started on a career by the time I'm 30, I'll be fine."                                                    然后每天，那些聪明有趣的20多岁的人就像你们和你们的儿子女儿一样，走入我的办公室开始说：“我知道我的男朋友对我不够好，但是我们的关系不算数。我只是在消磨时光而已。”或者说“每个人都告诉我只要能在30岁的时候开始我的事业，这就足够了。”

But then it starts to sound like this: "My 20s are almost over, and I have nothing to show for myself. I had a better résumé the day after I graduated from college." And then it starts to sound like this: "Dating in my 20s was like musical chairs. Everybody was running around and having fun, but then sometime around 30 it was like the music turned off and everybody started sitting down.                                                               然后变成：“我马上就要三十了，却根本就没有东西展示。我在大学毕业时的简历都好过现在。”或是这样：“我20多岁时的约会就像找凳子。每个人都绕着凳子跑，随便玩一玩，但是快30的时候就像音乐停止了，所有人开始坐下。

I didn't want to be the only one left standing up, so sometimes I think I married my husband because he was the closest chair to me at 30."                      我不想成为那唯一站着的人，所以有时候我会想我和我丈夫之所以会结婚，是因为在我30岁的时候，他是当时离我最近的那张凳子。

这一段给我的印象尤为深刻，多么可悲的抢椅子游戏啊，然而有太多人的人生就是如此。尤其是女孩子，30岁就会被叫作剩女，迫于舆论压力、家人的“关心”和自己的焦虑，多少人就选择了将就，选择了一个不怎么喜欢但是离自己最近的人。

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Meg Jay的建议：

1、去获得一些身份认定的资本，去做一些增加自己价值的事，为自己下一步想成为的样子做一些投资，不要为了拖沓时间做无谓的探索；

2、不要局限于自己的朋友圈，新的事情往往来自于所谓的弱连接；

3、经营婚姻的最佳时间在你还没结婚之前，选择伴侣要像选择工作一样积极、谨慎，你可以选择你的家庭。

20岁光阴不再来，何时开始都不算晚，你的人生由你决定。