小伙伴们大家好，欢迎来到每周的“国外也有段子手”！上周的国际赛场精彩看点层出不穷，各大豪门纷纷开启了季前赛的行程。利物浦5-0大胜那不勒斯，皇马和拜仁分别击败了尤文和曼联，巴萨则以2-4的比分不敌罗马。好了，话不多说，和摩羯君一起看看歪果仁们的精彩吐槽吧！
曼城新赛季取得开门红，2-0战胜蓝军赢下社区盾
throwaway052199(未知主队球迷)：这场比赛我没看，但我一直看到有人在说，曼城这个名叫戈麦斯的小将超级厉害的，对阵蓝军一个失误都没有……于是我高高兴兴地打开了比赛集锦，然后……你TM的在逗我么？(I didn't watch the game and kept seeing comments like "wow Gomes shut Chelsea down, didn't put a foot wrong!" and I was excited to watch highlights later. I've been bamboozled.)
william701(切尔西球迷)：最起码他们说的没错，不是么。(Well they weren’t lying ha.)
注：本场比赛戈麦斯在最后时刻登场，他只上了一秒钟。
greezyo(费内巴切球迷)：这孩子可了不得，秒均一冠，曼城最强之人已在阵中。(Imagine the kid's career if he can keep up those numbers, one trophy per second.)
Gwyn-LordOfPussy(曼城球迷)：他的躺冠效率可比门迪还高……(His trophy/minute record is even better than Mendy...)
koptimism(利物浦球迷)：巴克利简直就是日光浴型中场……他就像在球场上度假一样。虽然他的内心告诉自己还要防守，但他明显不喜欢这样又苦又累的活。(Ross Barkley just enjoying a sunny stroll through Wembley, though about doing a spot of defending but didn't fancy it.)
fap4jesus(切尔西球迷)：他们一定还想着后面有坎特给他们擦屁股。(must've thought kante was playing.)
lionofjordan(沙特球迷)：巴克利简直就像个追着孙子屁股后面的老爷爷。(ross barkley looks like an old man running to catch one of his grandchildren.)
svjestan(未知主队球迷)：瓜迪奥拉对萨里说，’你以为传控是你的盟友？但你只是利用了传控。我则是生于传控之中，长于传控之中。(Pep to Sarri: Oh, you think tiki-taka is your ally. But you merely adopted the tiki-taka; I was born in it, moulded by it.)
注：这段台词出自电影《蝙蝠侠：黑暗骑士崛起》中的反派贝恩。
【利物浦5-0那不勒斯，萨拉赫状态持续火热】
Kalidouuu(那不勒斯球迷)：虽然这只是一场友谊赛，但我的心却在滴血。(I don’t want to care about this match but part of me is crying inside.)
DriesMertens(那不勒斯球迷)：客场，0-3，紫色球衣……这一切好像都似曾相识。(3-0 down away to a team playing in purple ... ptsd :()
注：上赛季第35轮，那不勒斯客场0-3不敌佛罗伦萨，最终与意甲冠军失之交臂。
LFC_Joe26(利物浦球迷)：你为什么能在替补席上玩手机啊？(Why are you tweeting commenting from the bench?)
注：上面那个老哥的用户ID就是那不勒斯球员默尔滕斯的名字
HazzaHSC(西汉姆联球迷)：有点担心我们的联赛揭幕战呢……(Only slightly scared about our first game of the season.)
simwil96(西汉姆联球迷)：别说了老弟，速效救心我早就准备好了。(I've already purchased some Vaseline.)
yaraelshab(未知主队球迷)：这守门员太可怜了8，上次对阵利物浦的时候也是被打了个0-5，那时候他还在沃特福德。(Poor GK.last time he played Liverpool it ended 5-0 as well when he was playing Watford.)
bacary_lasagna(利物浦球迷)：就像苏亚雷斯的诺维奇一样，萨拉赫也找到了自己的温柔乡。(Mo has found his Norwich.)
NathDriver(利物浦球迷)：上一次有球队在8月初就赢下联赛是什么时候的事情了？(When was the last time a team won the league in the first week of August?)
idkfunnyusername(巴萨球迷)：就是去年，8月，利物浦赢下英超……亚洲杯。(Last year. Liverpool won Premier League Asia.)
【马尔科姆进球，巴萨2-4不敌罗马】
JoshuaFC(巴萨球迷)：造梗之战。(For the memes.)
repsaj33(巴萨球迷)：这一刻迟早都会来的，让暴风雨来得更猛烈些吧。(It had to happen.)
MoodReyals(巴萨球迷)：很多所谓的“球迷”只关心胜利而不是球队本身，我想很多豪门都会有这样的问题吧。(Some "fans" are only in it for the victory. That's the problem with big clubs I guess.)
rowerine(巴萨球迷)：马尔科姆真没有风度，他居然在自己曾经的新队友面前庆祝，太过分了~(Bad sportsmanship, celebrating in front of his past future teammates, smh.)
OkWill4(未知主队球迷)：马尔科姆：逆转未来(Malcom days of future past.)
注：X战警系列中有一部电影就叫做逆转未来(days of future past)
JoshuaFC(巴萨球迷)：段子手们的送分题。(For the memes.)
_longtimelistener(利物浦球迷)：足球就是22个人在场上比赛，最后由罗马获得胜利的游戏。(Somehow Roma always wins in the end.)
【卡瓦哈尔乌龙，皇马3-1战胜尤文图斯】
MagyarFoci29(匈牙利球迷)：山中无老虎，猴子称大王。("My team now")
sheedz225(皇马球迷)：求求你比目鱼，不要再祸害我家贝尔了。(Please stay fit.)
bany-chan(利物浦球迷)：贝纳尔多，成了。(It's time for balenaldo.)
Marc0sMenendez(皇马球迷)：我们今天打进了四个球，说实话，谁还需要C罗呢？(We scored 4 goals today. Seriously, who needs Ronaldo?)
Barkasia(未知主队球迷)：也许是那支今天一个球都没进的队伍吧(The team who scored 0 today.)
好了，亲爱的伙伴们，本期的“国外也有段子手”播报就到此为止了，咱们下周继续！
