One choice, two lives

Life is like a long long way journey. There are always lots of forks which lead to different directions. Sure, it is very important to make wise choice. However frome my point of view the things which is more important than choice itself is how you choose and why.

Last year my best friend Du made a big decision. She quit from her job and became a full time mum. When I asked her why she said:

"I have to do this. My second baby is just 8 months old. And my parents cannot come over to take care of her. So I have to do it by myself.

-And for my husband's sake we will move to Hong Kong as well. So I must go back home."

I looked at her in the eyes and said:

“Dear, I support your every choice as long as you have think it though. This time I suggest you take more time and think it over. ”

She nodded to me.

Unfortunately soon l heard the news that she move to Hong Kong.

I have been worried about her, because what she mentioned were all external factors. It seems that she didn’t work out the true why.

so last week we talked again through WeChat, I asked how was she, and she said:

"I don’t feel good right now. My husband is very busy. I cannot speak Cantonese and have no friend here, I also have no time to do anything else but take care of my baby daughter .So I feel I am stuck here, that's not good，and I always feel angry."

Indeed,That's not good for her. She didn’t know the inner why, so it is very hard for her to accept the consequences.

The conversation I just mentioned keeps occuring  every day everywhere. Many people think they are the victims of the society. They blamed government, their boss and even their friends. They did not realize that they should take the responsibility of their lives. However They do nothing to change, just keep complaining and waiting. These people built their emotional lives around the expectations and behaviors of others, thus empowering other people to control them.

Do you have the experience during the school time that you don't like a course because of the teacher. You think you can revenge the bad teacher by having bad scores at the exams? Actually you know you are responsible  for the bad scores. You give up the right to be in control. A real revenge is that you focus on your values, no matter how bad the teacher is, you learn a lot as you should, get good score as you should, live a good life as you should. That 's the best revenge. This also works on you boss and your EX.

Back to my friends Du. If she has think though her inner why, Maybe she would say:

-I choose to quit my job because I am willing to see my child grow up happily.

-I dont have friends yet. But I will do something like finding a toastmaster club nearby, learn Cantonese and make friends there. Maybe I will find the opportunity to continue my career.

You see, What a new and interesting life it can be!

Reactive people  make their choices based on thier feelings, by circumstances, by conditions, by their environment. While proactive people are driven by values --their response to the stimuli is a value-based choice. The choice we make should not be determined by things from outside . It shoud be from inside . You will finally go to your life direction. You will have the initiative and the responsibility to make things happen.

One choice, two lives. Which one will you choose? I think you already gotten your idea.