By Doctor Bela Gao and Doctor Felix Mao, Department of Psychiatry, No. 6 Hospital Affiliated to National Medical University
In the effort to expedite the treatment of contemporary psychiatric disorders and experiment with new methods to analyse our patients, we have gathered and retrieved the blog entries of a paranoia patient and his ex-girlfriend as a supplementary information source, among others, to his self-account on the events leading up to the deterioration of his mental conditions.
Extracts from J. Pattinson’s personal blog
- September 30, 2017
Vanessa looks familiar, in a good way.
She could be one of girls that I follow on Momo, those arrogant but mesmerizing creatures that I could never get to meet in person. Every time I look at those cute profile pictures, I can’t help but hate them, as I have spent too much time and money piling up compliments and gifts to each one of them, but the effort seems never enough to get them offline.
Just when I began to doubt if any of those faces would look as good in real life.
Thanks to the boss’s brilliant decision on bringing friends to the team event. Thanks to Karen for bringing Vanessa.
I think she even likes me back. A little bit.
This is an opportunity I cannot afford to miss. And there is the holiday next week, loads of free time for me to do homework. It's like it’s meant to be.
- October 3, 2017
I wish I were in Thailand, and maybe accidently ran into Vanessa at a restaurant or bar. That would be perfect. Who wouldn’t like a random and romantic encounter on a beautiful beach? Maybe we had dinner and then a few drinks. We talked and laughed and finally just looked at each other, listening to the ocean playing background music.
Especially since she went with her girlfriends — no guys, I think — judging from the photos she posted. She definitely itches.
But maybe it is too early. I need to do more homework.
Now what do we know about her...
We know she likes lilies. In all 63 photos with flowers, lilies appear 30 times, significantly more than gardenias, daffodils, and jasmine, if I counted them right. There is, however, the case of roses. They do make appearances in her photos almost as frequently as lilies, but these flowers are mostly likely from guys, corny uncreative ones . Still, there are a lot of them. Can’t think about that now. What’s important is that she hasn’t received any flowers for three weeks.
We also know that sunsets and walks on the beach are her favorite things on vacations. Although there hasn’t been too many occasions for holiday, it’s not difficult to deduce now that she is in Thailand again and posted way more pictures than when she was in Europe.
Kid’s stuff.
And there is my knack for understanding photo filters. I bet it will surprise her when I take her pictures exactly the way she loves it. No one else could do this as accurately as I do. An advantage of being an IT guy, who is otherwise rather pathetic.
Yeah, this job is pretty sad. If only I could go home to a warm hug every night, I’d work for worse bosses. They say guys don’t cuddle and girls hate that, so here’s another advantage. I can hold her for as long as she wants, listen to everything she has to say, and tell her all about my troubles.
Or not, we don’t have to talk at all. Just watch TV. Conveniently enough, we both like Game of Thrones.
Keep up the good work, J.
- October 13, 2017
I’m having the best time of my life.
Every message and emoticon she sends me seems to glow with a charming radiance.
Even time at the office feels blissful now. All I need to do is go on her account, look at her moments, the pictures she posted of us, or watch old videos of us, count the likes, and feel the envy from my friends.
That has become my favorite pastime when I’m not with her.
- October 15, 2017
Things have taken a turn for the worse.
I'm afraid that my previous blind optimism will turn out to be sorely misplaced.
Yesterday, Vanessa came over for the weekend. I know, it's been only a week, but I really felt it. So I planned a dinner with my parents, as they happened to be in town, when she just blew up.
She told me to stop treating her like that and get off her back. Then she took her bag and coat and walked straight out the door.
Maybe out of my life.
She called me this morning and went on a tirade about how I was smothering her and that she needed some space. I tried to argue back, explaining that I was sorry if she felt that way and that it was only because of my feelings for her were too strong.
That was when she became nasty.
She started saying that it was never her idea to start a relationship and that I was just meant to be a fling. She said that she didn't feel like she was in a relationship with a boyfriend, but, instead, with her father.
In the end, she said that "maybe we should take a break".
That did it for me.
I hung up straight away.
How dare she talk to me like that. I loved her and treated her like a queen. I bought her the new iPhone X, carefully worked the angles and filters for her every photo, photoshopped all her posts in WeBook, and made sure to be the first to like her every moment. And she responds like this?
- October 16, 2017
I sent her a million long messages through WeBook and didn’t hear anything back.
Fuck Vanessa.
I fucking hate her.
That ungrateful cow.
And "take a break?"
Still, the fact that she hasn’t blacklisted me is curious. Maybe there is still chance.
I carefully checked her close friends’ recent posts in a vain search for clues.
But you reply to sincere apologies, right? Don’t tell me you haven’t been on WeBook. You are never off that thing. That is your life.
Karen did return my calls, but her responses were too ambiguous. Maybe they’re not that close after all?
My brain doesn't know what to think.
But the internet keeps torturing me. Every time I WeMessaged her, I see all the reminders of when we were together. Even these blog posts remind me of her. I need to delete all these entries.
The bar has been my only escape. Going there now.
Being a lightweight doesn’t seem so bad anymore.
- October 24, 2017
They told me I have been in a coma since the car accident.
But I feel so much better now.
The concussion must have been pretty severe, since they wouldn’t allow me any visitors and no more than one phone call today, in which I immediately got through with Vanessa. She was in a meeting and we couldn’t talk for very long, but the fact that she picked up was enough for me to come around, along with the reality which I finally managed to tell from dreams.
I got on WeBook to see whether she has replied to my messages I thought I sent. A little thrown back to find nothing in my inbox, I clicked on her page. Pictures of her gentle smiles and elegant figures almost dragged me back to the horrible nightmares of our break-up, but then I found all the photos and videos of the two of us happily together are still there.
It hit me then, that us parting ways must have been a dream. In no way would she keep documentaries of our sweet moments if we were not together anymore. Her WeBook presentation has always been faithful of what she is, or vice versa.
No wonder those memories seem so blurred now.
Although I’m badly injured and I know I brought it upon myself by DUI, I have never felt more warm and secure, thinking about all our beautiful memories that are unmistakably posted online.
I got nothing better to do now but wait for her call when she gets off work. That is, nothing better than to emerge myself in those photos and videos.
Extracts from Vee’s personal blog
- 30/09/2017
Dear Diary,
Went out for the first time in a long time today.
Karen complained about how I'm always hunched over a screen and so invited my to this work thing that she had.
There was alcohol so that was pretty good.
I guess I had a good time, but I did catch myself checking my phone a lot for updates and news.
Maybe Karen's right. I do need to take a break from all this connectivity. I don't think I've gone a day without since I started working in tech.
Maybe I should take a trip. Yeah, that sounds amazing.
That's what I'll do.
Vee
- 08/10/2017
Dear Diary,
So I went out with that guy, Justin, a few times. He seems nice, though I have to admit that I didn't notice him when at that party last month.
He took me on a few walks and even gave me a bunch of my favourite flowers. The lilies are so beautiful. I've got them next to me and they smell incredible.
I asked Karen about him, because even though he was super sweet, you just never know. She said that Justin is normally fairly quiet and reserved but he does good work.
He's asked me out again tomorrow and I think I'll go.
It's not like I'm doing else else at the moment.
Talk to you later.
Vee
- 10/10/2017
Dear Diary,
Wow, I am officially in a relationship again.
It's been a while.
Although it does feel a bit quick, I think I need this change from the norm. I can't just keep living day to day, guy to guy.
Justin's different. He's attentive and knows what I need — sometimes better than myself.
Let's see where this goes.
Vee
- 14/10/2017
Diary,
I've had enough.
At first I thought it was cute and endearing. Something different from my usual fare.
But when it continues minute to minute, hour to hour, day to day, it's too much.
Maybe I just wasn't ready. Maybe we can fix this.
All I know is that I can't do this anymore.
Vee
- 19/10/2017
Dear Diary,
What is going on? A bunch of government people get together and WeBook decide to stop doing business? What is the point?
Firstly, it's been a couple days, but I still haven't been able to change my WeBook information.
People are still talking to me and asking how me and Justin are doing and it's getting annoying correcting them all the time.
I can't even change my profile pic which is one of Justin and I together!
On the bright side, he seems to have finally gotten the message and given up contacting me. No more messages, calls, or gifts.
Now, if only WeBook and the Men’s Club would get their act together.
Vee
- 24/10/2017
Dear Diary,
Two day of the detox and it hasn't got easier.
It's like an itch that I just can't reach. But, you know what? I feel healthier. Not sure why — I just do.
The book recommends that I stay away for at least a month to reap the benefits, but if it's always going to be this hard...
I don't know.
I naturally want to see if anyone has posted anything all the time and it's just so hard to not do it.
Right, now I'm really wondering if the benefits are worth it.
I mean, if I do happen to relapse, all it means is that I'll be closer to my friends.
Right?