A friend tells me, he often has trouble in relationship with somebody, just he doesn’t know how to get along well with others. Using the omnipotent key I think the problem is not the method for getting along with others currently, point is he doesn’t know what does he want for being himself, in relationship it means that he still doesn’t know what does he want, so the confusion in relationship is like the problems of how to be himself. What he lacks is his self-recognition.
If someone who doesn’t know what does he want and not be honest to himself. In fact, what he only has is imagination. The process will be like this, the operating system is messy and disorder, he wants good things and has much higher mind than the sky. His self-esteem is so strong. He doesn’t like being criticized very much, he thinks that is attack to him. He always has self-protection but he doesn’t know his doing. Actually. What he does is self-harm, he is hurting himself but he has no idea about this. All of he has is the reverse, totally wrong.Someone who is strong likes being on the bottom, someone who is weak always standing on the top. Sometimes “strong” means vulnerable.Because the man has nothing, he likes self-protecting, but he still has nothing, so pathetic.The right ones should be honest, brave, be strong, kind, hard-working, diligent, pragmatic.
Surely, sometimes these right morality needs to be found and practice, you know them often hear them, but mostly you are not doing like that. They are very simple but often be ignored. Since they are good truth and usually you can understand deeply after you experienced, you still should keep them in mind because you need.
Example in job choice
You owed you will pay. Skills experience relationships are resources for one’s living and development. And step by step, stage by stage, they can’t be overtaken. The truth is you can’t make it. Life is like once movie, you can’t come again. It is the live.
So, accumulating is the point. Your attention and time is accumulation for your study, your study experience is the accumulation for your job, your job is accumulation for your experience, your experience is accumulation for your relationship, all is your resource, and you use them to make your life.
When you choose a job think about what you can use to accumulate which link you are in. To recognize it and adjust then improve. You can make a good accumulation.
All the confusion in choosing one job is knowing unclearly. If you cheat and fool your boss work environment, you fool yourself, your attention time value and your future. Time not stay, but you are further and further from a bright future. So, do carefully with effort is do earn.
Choosing a job which you can practice and accumulate, that will make you be a better man. At least not the one unmeaningfully consume your energy. If happy if meaningful useful, balance them then do choose.
Example in love
Find a person who can make you grow. How to judge?A friend experienced several times failed love. He shared his stories wanting instructions. As a bystander, I think he is over 25, but his thinking is like 15, refusing to grow up. He thought willfulness is everything. It is good but someone needs to face reality and truth. Using over 15 years old understanding to deal with 25years old thing is not effective. Just like you are in middle school and you can’t attend entrance to college, cos you have no condition, this is the truth. What is “make you grow”? You experienced one thing which made you recognize something you haven’t know before and broke your confusion made you learn to think. It is a kind of growth.
Example in relationship with others
As you get older, things and environment you are facing are different from the past, definition and meaning are different. Before, your friend is who can play with you well, you regard him as your friend, the child you like you would love to share something with him you treat him as your friend. The essence of life is exchange, for relationship, the essence is still exchange for someone. Your “would love” is no longer your “would love to” as before, it depends on your ability of “would love”, sometimes it means to wealth, status, that stands for right of speak. Because people have heart of distinguish. Later some friends are the ones who have relation with the role you played. Knowing yourself and the thing you do are the way for helping you deal with the relationship with others.
Sometimes you ask somebody for help, you feel shame, but shame is useless, to become a useful man is useful.
Example in daily life
You should have a try to buy some real good thing to have an experience. What is the different feeling between the good one and bad one. It reflects requirements to life for oneself.
From the buddha reason, we shouldn’t have prejudice and distinguish to everything, there is also no absolute, but you need to have principles have requirements, need to balance when facing contradiction.
The behaviors of personality
I know two friends, many people say they are strange, isolated, lonely, low EQ, bad interpersonal relationship. I heard the same words they said. They said they don’t like ineffective social interaction. They don’t like hypocritical behaviors. They believe in truth even sometimes it hurts someone. They have principles, don’t mind being alone, they enjoy lonely.
They know what they want and on the road to it.
Someone who has completed personality is attracting.
Isolated from crowded not mean they are not be loved by people. If not, there must be something wrong, that is not being oneself well, do reflecting is better, focusing on the focus, improvement and progress.
The root cause is self-recognition, that is recognition.
Metacognition is the cognition and understanding on one’s thinking process.
Reflection is a purpose practice method for improving metacognition.
The positive examples of right values. Recommending Steve Jobs Speech on Stanford University about three stories. Listen the video over several times, you may get some inspirations. Like stay hungry stay foolish.