These days I feel so lonely, I keep checking my WeChat and other social media as well as dating apps to see if anyone left any message for me, asking out for a drink. but no, no asking, no inviting.
Since when I become so observant about surroundings, try to think what people's mood, hiding my real thought, and the longer it lasts, the deeper my real self leaving away from me.
It's a turning point of my life, I always wanted a easy life to enjoy happy moments with friends and family, why do I end up being alone. working has gained me wealth, not too much, but enough to say I'm independent. when all of your dreams and satisfaction climax the peak, you need another goal to chase, so is that why I want to find a girl to get married, or to study abroad,which I've been planning for years , but I never put it into effect, first it was due to lack of money, but now I realize that I'm not ready for achieving success in academic. Now I want to do is just because I keep running away from this messy shit.
I want friends when I feel lonely, but when they are here, I treat them awfully, I am a mean person, I also hurt people's heart and feelings . after these years at work ,I become cautious about how to deal with my attitude , but my expression says everything, when stranger stares me, they won't be interested to say hi to me, because I look stressed and worried, seems that I have a bad temper, yeah I do , I was picking up those judgmental and arrogant ways of british people, I tend to look down at those low people, and doubt every interesting things, picturing they are stupid and intent to trick me, maybe that's why I also get away from pleasure of life. it's never wrong to be skeptical to doubt what's given to you, but if you are not that awesome , if you refuse it before you get to know what is it per se , it will come to you in a way that you don't expect , you'd be surprised to say oh god , why did I miss that chance to learn it earlier.
I'm a top students , so I feel superior than others,it's not just about academic results when it comes to real life cases, you need to be understanding, if you are being like a peacock, no one would pay attention to you unless you've got something great,remeber it's always not about you.
so how do you cope with stress, when you wear a new coat with you, you'll wonder what other people might think of you on that, well ,actually they may not even notice that, or even if they do, they wouldn't say anything to you. what if they say something bad? you've graduated from primary school, so if you judge it as a bully, you just fight it back , to say oh, I did not notice you had a ugly mouth if you did not open it.
Nervous can induce you making fault ,which will also helps you get ready, once you're fully prepared, just let things take its own course, you do your best, and the rest is god blessed.