letter to TSG

yesterday in the free talk, six people in different major,what impressed me most was the word.  –beggar.seems in the past days the word precise described what I am like.yes,you want to get something but you couldnt even if you have applied all kinds of means.sometimes,you are despair and on the edge of abandon.indeed,I am so stubborn and I say I will move on.stupid,dumb,foolish or idot. whatever,I feel happy during the procedure.thank you for sharing and the ups and downs you bring to me.which really enhance my mental duration.in the midnight today,l confess it was you the person who lead to my insomnia.maybe I just misunderstand——let me take care of you.too excited to fall asleep.which contribute to todays terrible conduct.-I JUST ask the last time.could you be my boyfriend?╰_╯

【当时他的回复是只看懂了最后一句！】

this is the massage I send to him in the afternoon.the sadly background of todays dairy seems indicates something miserable will happen.yeah,I just wait for a result.its fun that he must couldnt figure out what I mean.so long from the last time I write my feelings in English.today after CET-four,sweeping girl stopped crying,backed up the sorrow staff.recently,I am too emotional,be hooked by the guy whose name is thunder-sky-gold.now I am a little confused,why and what his feature that attracted me.in front of him,i just like a crow or A pure kid ——happy or embarrassed. seems he is the one who controlled my emotion.all the things related to him,whatever you do,his face or the picture that he sent just spring up at random.how awful.now,my sight become obscure gradually,and my head is going to boom.A little bizarre.thats it.

stubborn fish.in the canteen-2.next to thewindow.

--来自粉粉日记

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在粉粉日记里找到了很久之前写给前任的信。

读起来——我内心十分平静，一切都过去了。

121篇日记是大一时候写的。那个时候满怀着憧憬，那个时候有好多梦。会执拗的练习英文写作，会执拗的就一个话题写作，就算是流水账也保持着增长日更。我这个时候面对着我都要陌生的——失眠——那个单词，我真的是在退步，逆水行舟，人的意志被消磨得很可怕，是侵蚀，是渣都不剩的吞掉。

生活痕迹第一次出现考研这个词语是在2014年，一次讲座上——日记本里写着为考研而努力，后来再出现的时候是2015年。听完讲座激情澎湃，而自己一直没有付诸行动，最后直接忘了。

巡礼一般的看完了121篇日记，日常的琐碎没什么意思，看到一条——父亲倒掉了我炒菜的锅——当时就很心烦意乱，现在更是气的牙痒痒。记录了母亲手受伤时自己的自责，记录奶奶住进医院的2015.1.30，现在奶奶还在医院，因为已经拆钢钉了，而那次摔倒已经过去四年多了。日记里2015年的春节，阖家团圆的BBQ，真的馋的我又想吃肉了。

日记的阶段贯穿了两段恋情，我的思念我的问难我的疑虑，原来啊，很久就发现我们在一起过的不快乐，自己当时的相思病可是真的够严重……

日记里有自己之前的大学生活。装饰寝室，学生会，英语角，外拍，暑假的快乐旅行，意外发现了一条音频，听到了自己稚嫩的声音。大概也是我现在坚持录音频的原因吧。希望未来的自己听得到。

我总是一个爱回忆的人，真的很害怕自己的微博，网易云，B站，，知乎，QQ，微信，贴吧的ID被暴露，被翻出来……感觉一定很恐怖。每一个地方都有一个独特的我啊！

后来发现我自己的三篇日记阅读过千，还有很多回复，也是很惊异……

以上，是粉粉日记里四年前的我！

晚安。