关于燃烧脂肪的故事

Today, I went running. My girlfriend was so surprised at the fact that I'm exercising that she accused me of making it up so I could cheat on her. I'm just trying to get in shape. FML

今天，我出去跑步来着，中间给女朋友发了个照片，结果她认为我的图是批的。老子只是想保持体型好不好。(欠日的)FML

Today, a kid on a bike passed me and commented on my "big fat butt." Recognizing him from the neighborhood, I told my husband to go speak to his parents about the inappropriate comment. It turns out his father is the man who yesterday commented on my "big bouncing tits." FML

今天，一个头像是坐在一辆自行车上的孩子加了我的微博(facebook)，并留言说我是“大胖屁股”。我从他的照片里面看到其实就是我们家隔壁的小孩，于是我让我老公去告诉他的父母这个孩子多么讨厌。我老公回来之后告诉我，这个孩子的爸爸就是是昨天留言说我像一只“叽叽喳喳的麻雀”的人。 （真是哔了狗了）FML

Today, I went to the gym to try to get into shape. While I was running on the treadmill, my beer belly pushed against the emergency stop button, twice. FML

今天，我去健身房锻炼身体。当我在跑步机上跑步的时候，老子的啤酒肚对着紧急停车按钮推了两次。FML

Today, I was having a pleasant jog, that is until I was struck by the terrible feeling of an oncoming turd. Being only about 20 minutes from home, I thought I could make it back without letting the beast out. I was so wrong. The only thing I'm grateful for is that I was carrying the Sunday paper. FML

今天，我打算在自己家附近进行一次慢跑，开的时候一直很棒，直到突然之间感到了汹涌的屎意。当时离家只有20分钟，我就想忍到家得了，拉在路边挺不好的。结果我错了，如果不是我带着星期日的报纸的话，现在后果肯定不堪设想。FML

Today, I was playing tug of war with my dog. She let go and I ended up punching myself in the mouth. My lip is still swollen. FML

今天，我和我的狗玩拔河。结果丫居然撒嘴了，结果我就碰到嘴了，到现在嘴唇还是肿的。FML(卧槽)

Today, while working at the bar, I had a beautiful woman squeeze my bicep and tell me I was in amazing shape. Instead of flirting like any normal human being, I awkwardly said, "Thanks…" and then walked away in shame. FML

今天，在酒吧工作的时候一个美女抓了一下我的胸肌，跟我讲你的肌肉真的太迷人了。老子居然尴尬的说了声：“谢谢……”然后低着头走开了。说好的调情呢，卧槽，FML

原文地址：http://www.shitmylife.cn/subject/info/5