teach the child to say “No”

Your kid is playing blocks with another kid Tom, suddenly Tom pulls down your child’s blocks, your kid bursts into tears, what will you do?

Your kid is drawing pictures on the blackboard, suddenly Tom erases your child’s picture, your kids cries sadly, what will you do?

Some parents act this way, “please don’t cry, Tom is younger than you, so you should forgive him, or you will lose the friend”. Chinese parents tend to teach their children learn to be tolerant and to yield. It is viewed as a virtue.

So your child stops crying and forgives Tom, because he doesn’t want to lose the friend, BUT dear! This is not tolerance, this is compromise. You thought you was teaching your child to learn to be tolerant, in fact it was a form of compromise.

One breaks the rule and does harm to me, I clearly know that, I still choose to forgive and to be tolerant, this is tolerance. Tolerance is an attitude which is based on principle, tolerance is a subjective choice.  I choose to forgive you just because I choose to, neither because I was older than you, nor because I want to be friends with you. This is true tolerance.

So next time if other children rob your child’s toys, pull down your child’s blocks or erase your child’s picture, you should encourage your child to say “no, you are wrong, you can’t do like this, you should say sorry to me”