Option B Chapter 2——Kicking the elephant out of the room

这一章节的标题是 Kicking the elephant out of the room. 英文中有习语:
elephant in the room

meaning: important and obvious topic, which everyone present is aware of, but which isn't discussed, as such discussion is considered to be uncomfortable.

即重要的议题，但是却没有人愿意谈起它。

什么样的情况会创造出这样的一只大象呢？

文化的因素，人们更愿意隐藏消极的情绪。

Death is not the only kind of adversity that summons the elephant. Anything that reminds us of the possibility of loss can leave us at a loss for words. Financial difficulties. Divorce. Unemployment. Rape. Addiction. Incarceration(监禁). Illness.

作者在这里用到一个很好的词，summon。大象并不总是存在，当我们经历困境与挫折，或者人生巨大的失去，就会召唤出这只无处不在的大象。

事件的当事人和周围的人在面对这样一只大象的时候会有什么不同的感受？

Sheryl在丈夫Dave过世后，周围的朋友会送来同情与安慰。而当某些朋友选择不去问起她的情况时，她觉得自己像隐形人一样，不被看见。

I felt invisible, as if I were standing in front of them but they couldn't see me.

当Sheryl重回Facebook Campus的时候，她觉得即恐惧又被忽视。

The deep loneliness of my loss was compounded by so many distancing daily interactions that I started to feel worse and worse.

而她的同事告诉她，人们只是不知道该对她说些什么。但当她在Facebook上po出她的感受，她收到了许多关心她的人的回复。人们表达了同情与关心。

当人们真的愿意直面这头大象的时候，情况又会发生什么变化？

Sheryl的朋友Jeff得了硬化症，当她在聚会上问起Jeff的感受时，她使用了这样的句子：

“ How are you? I mean, really, how are you? How are you feeling? Are you scared?"

来关注Jeff个人的情绪和感受，Sheryl看到了Jeff身后背负的大象，并且主动的打了招呼。Jeff认为能够和Sheryl以及其他的朋友谈论这件事，让他感受到轻松和释放(relieved).
事实上，一场trauma(e.g. holocaust)中的幸存者往往渴望拥有讲述自己经历的机会，并且希望分享他们从中学到的东西。
对待那些 non-question-asking friends, Sheryl选择直截了当的表达出不被关心的感觉，并收获了对方的善意和态度的改进。

这一章最后，Sheryl说：

Until we acknowledge it, the elephant is always there. By ignoring it, those who are grieving isolate themselves and those who could offer comfort create distance instead. Both sides need to reach out.

希望我们拥有看见这只大象的觉察力。与它和平共处。

一些心理学的相关知识

• 心理学家称这样的人为 openers:

they ask a lot of questions and listen to the answers without judging. They enjoy learning about and feeling connected to others...they also make it easy for people who are suffering to open up.

语言知识点

【词汇 & 短语】

• shun: to deliberately avoid a person, place, or activity
  【仿写】: Not long ago, the introvert people like me were shunned and hidden away.
  原文：

In my experience, survivors want the opportunity to teach and not be shunned because they went through something unknowable.

• drop the subject: to stop talking about something, especially because it is upsetting or annoying.
  【仿写】Unwilling to drop the subject, her mom keeps asking questions about the boy's salary and even career development.

• dredge up: to start talking or thinking again about( something unpleasant that happened a long time ago)
  dredge: to dig(something) out of the bottom of a lake, river, etc.
  【仿写】The reporter dredged up the fact that this company has been using drugs haven't been going through clinical trials to those African patients.