As an actor, I get scripts and it's my job to stay on script,
身为演员，我会拿到剧本， 我的工作就是要跟着剧本走，
to say my lines and bring to life a character that someone else wrote.
说我的台词， 将作者笔下的角色赋予鲜活的生命。
Over the course of my career, I've had the great honor
在我的职涯中，我很荣幸
playing some of the greatest male role models ever represented on television.
演出电视史上一些最伟大的 男性典范角色。
You might recognize me as "Male Escort #1." (Laughter)
你可能会认得我演出过 《男伴游 #1》。（笑声）
"Photographer Date Rapist," "Shirtless Date Rapist"
《摄影师约会强暴者》、《半裸约会强暴者》，
from the award-winning "Spring Break Shark Attack." (Laughter)
来自得奖的《春假鲨鱼攻击》。（笑声）
"Shirtless Medical Student," "Shirtless Steroid-Using Con Man"
《半裸医学系学生》、《用类固醇的半裸骗子》、
and, in my most well-known role, as Rafael. (Applause)
还有我最着名的角色，拉斐尔。 （注：出自影集《贞爱好孕到》）（掌声）
A brooding, reformed playboy who falls for, of all things, a virgin,
这角色是个忧郁且 改过自新的花花公子， 竟然爱上了一个处女，
and who is only occasionally shirtless. (Laughter)
这角色只有偶尔才半裸。（笑声）
Now, these roles don't represent the kind of man I am in my real life, but that's what I love about acting.
这些角色并不代表 在现实生活中我是怎样的人，但那就是我喜欢演戏的原因。
I get to live inside characters very different than myself. But every time I got one of these roles, I was surprised,
我可以活在 和自身迥然不同的角色里。但每次我得到一个角色， 我都会很讶异，
because most of the men I play ooze machismo, charisma and power,
因为大部份我扮演的男性角色 都散发着大男人气概、魅力和权力，
and when I look in the mirror, that's just not how I see myself. But it was how Hollywood saw me,
当我看着镜子， 知道那并非我眼中真正的自己。但那是好莱坞眼中的我，
and over time, I noticed a parallel between the roles I would play as a man
随时间过去，我注意到， 我在萤幕上所扮演的男性形象
both on-screen and off. I've been pretending to be a man that I'm not my entire life.
和萤幕下的我有着相似之处。我一直都假扮成 和真实自我不同的人。
I've been pretending to be strong when I felt weak, confident when I felt insecure
当我感到脆弱时，我假装坚强，当我没安全感时，我假装自信，
and tough when really I was hurting. I think for the most part I've just been kind of putting on a show,
当我很受伤时，我假装强悍。我想大部份的时候我只是在扮演，
but I'm tired of performing. And I can tell you right now
但我厌倦了这样。我现在可以告诉各位，
that it is exhausting trying to be man enough for everyone all the time. Now -- right?
要随时为了所有人，试着表现得 像个男子汉，真的很累人。对吧？
(Laughter) My brother heard that.
（笑声）我兄弟听到了。
Now, for as long as I can remember, I've been told the kind of man that I should grow up to be.
从我有记忆开始，我就一直被告知 长大之後应该要成为怎样的男人。
As a boy, all I wanted was to be accepted and liked by the other boys, but that acceptance meant I had to acquire
当我还是小男孩时，我所想要的 就只是被其他男孩接受和喜欢，但接受就代表着我得要取得
this almost disgusted view of the feminine, and since we were told that feminine is the opposite of masculine,
这几乎让人厌恶的对女性化的观点，我们被告知，女性化 就是男子气概的相反词，
I either had to reject embodying any of these qualities or face rejection myself.
我得要拒绝呈现出任何女性化特质， 要不然就得面对自己被拒绝。
This is the script that we've been given. Right? Girls are weak, and boys are strong.
我们拿到的就是这样的剧本。对吧？女孩很柔弱，男孩很强壮。
This is what's being subconsciously communicated to hundreds of millions of young boys and girls all over the world,
在潜意识中，这概念已经 传达给全世界数亿名年轻男女，
just like it was with me. Well, I came here today to say, as a man
就像我以前一样。今天我以男人的身份来这里说明，
that this is wrong, this is toxic, and it has to end.
这是错的，这是有害的，且这必须要停止。
(Applause) Now, I'm not here to give a history lesson.
（掌声）我不是来教历史课的。
We likely all know how we got here, OK? But I'm just a guy that woke up after 30 years and realized
我们可能都知道 我们是如何走到这一步的，对吧?我只是一个在三十年後醒来的男人，
that I was living in a state of conflict, conflict with who I feel I am in my core
发现我处在一个冲突的状态中，和自我的内在核心价值有所冲突，
and conflict with who the world tells me as a man I should be. But I don't have a desire
和这个世界告诉我该成为 怎样的男人而有所冲突。但我并不想要
to fit into the current broken definition of masculinity, because I don't just want to be a good man.
苟同目前欠缺周延的男子气概定义，因为我并不想要只当个好男人。
I want to be a good human. And I believe the only way that can happen
我想要当个好人。我相信能做到这点的唯一方式，
is if men learn to not only embrace the qualities that we were told are feminine in ourselves
就是男人不只要学会去拥抱自己 那些被人们认为是女性化的特质，
but to be willing to stand up, to champion and learn from the women who embody them.
且要愿意站出来，去支持呈现这些特质的女性， 并向她们学习。
Now, men -- (Laughter)
男人们，（笑声）
I am not saying that everything we have learned is toxic. OK? I'm not saying there's anything inherently wrong with you or me,
我并不是说我们学到的一切 都是有害的，好吗？我并不是说你或我 有什麽天生错误的地方，
and men, I'm not saying we have to stop being men. But we need balance, right?
男人们，我并不是说 我们不要继续做男人。但我们需要平衡，对吧？
We need balance, and the only way things will change is if we take a real honest look
我们需要平衡，要改变现状唯一的方式， 就是我们能够诚实地去审视
at the scripts that have been passed down to us from generation to generation
那些一代传一代， 传到我们手上的剧本，
and the roles that, as men, we choose to take on in our everyday lives.
以及身为男人的我们， 在日常生活当中选择 去扮演的角色。
So speaking of scripts, the first script I ever got came from my dad.
说到剧本，我拿到的第一本剧本是来自我爸爸。
My dad is awesome. He's loving, he's kind, he's sensitive, he's nurturing,
我爸爸很了不起。他很慈爱、仁慈、 他很敏感、他会很鼓励人，
he's here. (Applause)
他在现场。（掌声）
He's crying. (Laughter)
他在哭。（笑声）
But, sorry, Dad, as a kid I resented him for it, because I blamed him for making me soft,
但，抱歉，爸爸， 我小时候很讨厌他那些特质，因为我怪罪他让我很软弱，
which wasn't welcomed in the small town in Oregon that we had moved to.
在我们後来搬去的奥勒岗的小镇上， 软弱是不受欢迎的。
Because being soft meant that I was bullied. See, my dad wasn't traditionally masculine,
因为软弱就表示我会被霸凌。我爸爸并不符合 传统所定义的男子气概，
so he didn't teach me how to use my hands. He didn't teach me how to hunt, how to fight,
所以他没有教我如何用我的手。他没有教我如何打猎、如何打架，
you know, man stuff. Instead he taught me what he knew:
你们知道的，男人做的事。反而，他教我他会的东西：
that being a man was about sacrifice and doing whatever you can
身为一个男人的重点是 ── 牺牲， 并尽你所能
to take care of and provide for your family. But there was another role I learned how to play from my dad,
去照顾和供养你的家庭。但我还从我爸爸那儿学到 如何扮演另一个角色，
who, I discovered, learned it from his dad, a state senator
我发现，他是从他爸爸那里学来的，他爸爸是一位州参议员，
who later in life had to work nights as a janitor to support his family,
在人生的後期， 得在晚上做工友来养家餬口，
and he never told a soul. That role was to suffer in secret.
他从来没有告诉任何人。那个角色就是在背地里受苦。
And now three generations later, I find myself playing that role, too.
三个世代之後，我发现我自己也在扮演那个角色。
So why couldn't my grandfather just reach out to another man and ask for help?
为什麽我祖父不能向另一个男人 伸手求助？
Why does my dad to this day still think he's got to do it all on his own? I know a man who would rather die
为什麽我爸爸至今仍然认为 他得靠自己一个人来做所有事？我知道有的男人宁可死，
than tell another man that they're hurting. But it's not because we're just all, like, strong silent types.
也不把自己的伤痛告诉另一个男人。但那并不是因为我们 都是坚强沉默型的人。
It's not. A lot of us men are really good at making friends, and talking, just not about anything real.
并非如此。有很多男人很会交朋友，很会说话，
(Laughter) If it's about work or sports or politics or women,
只是说不出什麽真实的东西。（笑声）
we have no problem sharing our opinions, but if it's about our insecurities or our struggles,
如果话题是工作、 运动、政治或女人，分享我们的意见是完全没问题的，
our fear of failure, then it's almost like we become paralyzed.
但若谈及我们的不安全感和挣扎，我们对失败的恐惧，
At least, I do. So some of the ways that I have been practicing
我们就几乎和瘫痪了一样。至少我是如此。
breaking free of this behavior are by creating experiences that force me to be vulnerable.
所以我一直在练习一些方式， 来摆脱这种行为，
So if there's something I'm experiencing shame around in my life, I practice diving straight into it,
包括去创造能强迫我脆弱的经验。所以，如果在我的人生中 有件事会让我感到羞耻，
no matter how scary it is -- and sometimes, even publicly.
我就练习直接去深入它，不论那让我多害怕，
Because then in doing so I take away its power,
有时，甚至公开做。 因为透过这麽做，
and my display of vulnerability can in some cases give other men permission to do the same.
我就能夺走它的力量， 我展现出的脆弱。
As an example, a little while ago I was wrestling with an issue in my life
在某些情况下，可以让 其他男人也跟着这麽做。 举个例子，不久之前
that I knew I needed to talk to my guy friends about, but I was so paralyzed by fear
我在努力对付我生人中的一个问题，我知道我得要和男性朋友谈这件事，
that they would judge me and see me as weak and I would lose my standing as a leader
但恐惧让我瘫软无力， 怕他们会评断我、觉得我很柔弱，
that I knew I had to take them out of town on a three-day guys trip -- (Laughter)
我就会失去领导者的地位，我知道我得要带他们出城， 去一趟三天的男性之旅──
Just to open up. And guess what? It wasn't until the end of the third day
（笑声）只为了打开心扉。猜猜如何？
that I finally found the strength to talk to them about what I was going through.
一直到第三天的最後， 我终於鼓起勇气去和他们谈。
But when I did, something amazing happened. I realized that I wasn't alone,
我经历了什麽事。当我这麽做时，神奇的事发生了。
because my guys had also been struggling. And as soon as I found the strength and the courage to share my shame,
我发现我并不孤单，因为我的男性朋友们也都在挣扎。
it was gone. Now, I've learned over time
当我找到力量和勇气 来分享我的羞耻，它就消失了。
that if I want to practice vulnerability, then I need to build myself a system of accountability.
随时间过去，我学到，如果我想要练习学着脆弱，
So I've been really blessed as an actor. I've built a really wonderful fan base,
我就得为自己建立一个责任系统。我很幸运是个演员。
really, really sweet and engaged, and so I decided to use my social platform
我有非常美好的粉丝群，他们很贴心也很投入，
as kind of this Trojan horse wherein I could create a daily practice of authenticity and vulnerability.
所以我决定用我的社交平台 来当作特洛伊木马，
The response has been incredible. It's been affirming, it's been heartwarming.
在那里我能每天练习真实和脆弱。得到的反应很不可思议。
I get tons of love and press and positive messages daily. But it's all from a certain demographic:
反应一直很肯定、很窝心。我每天都接收到众多的 爱、媒体评论和正面讯息。
women. (Laughter)
但都是来自一个特定的族群：女性。
This is real. Why are only women following me?
（笑声）这是真的。
Where are the men? (Laughter)
为什麽只有女性追踪我？男人到哪去了？
About a year ago, I posted this photo. Now, afterwards, I was scrolling through some of the comments,
（笑声）大约一年前，我贴出了这张照片。
and I noticed that one of my female fans had tagged her boyfriend in the picture, and her boyfriend responded by saying,
之後，我在滑手机看一些留言，我注意到，我的一位女影迷 在这照片标记了她的男友，
"Please stop tagging me in gay shit. Thx."
她男友回应说：「别继续在这种同性恋的 屁事上标记我。
(Laughter) As if being gay makes you less of a man, right?
谢谢。」（笑声）
So I took a deep breath, and I responded.
说得好像身为同性恋 就会让你变得不够男人，对吧？所以我深吸了一口气，
I said, very politely, that I was just curious,
然後回应了他。我说，
because I'm on an exploration of masculinity, and I wanted to know why my love for my wife
很礼貌地说，我只是好奇，因为我正在探索研究男子气慨，
qualified as gay shit. And then I said, honestly I just wanted to learn.
我想要知道为什麽我对妻子的爱。符合同性恋垃圾的资格。
(Laughter) Now, he immediately wrote me back.
我接着说，老实讲我只是想要了解。（笑声）
I thought he was going to go off on me, but instead he apologized. He told me how, growing up,
他马上回应我。我以为他会很气我，但他却道歉了。
public displays of affection were looked down on. He told me that he was wrestling and struggling with his ego,
他告诉我，在他成长过成中，公开示爱是会被人看贬的。
and how much he loved his girlfriend and how thankful he was for her patience.
他告诉我，他在努力对抗他的自我， 以及他有多爱他的女友，
And then a few weeks later, he messaged me again.
他有多感谢她的耐心。几周之後，
This time he sent me a photo of him on one knee proposing.
他又发了讯息给我。 这次他传了张照片给我，
(Applause) And all he said was, "Thank you."
是他单膝跪地求婚。（掌声）
I've been this guy. I get it.
他只说了：「谢谢你。」我曾经像这个家伙一样。
See, publicly, he was just playing his role, rejecting the feminine, right?
我能懂。在公开场合， 他只是在扮演他的角色，
But secretly he was waiting for permission to express himself, to be seen, to be heard,
拒绝女性化，对吧？但私底下， 他在等待能让他表达自己、
and all he needed was another man holding him accountable and creating a safe space for him to feel,
被看见、被听见的许可， 而他所需要的，只是另一个男人，
and the transformation was instant. I loved this experience,
让他放手去做，为他创造 一个让他感觉舒适的空间，而转变立刻就会发生。
because it showed me that transformation is possible, even over direct messages.
我很爱这段经验，因为它让我看到转变是有可能的，
So I wanted to figure out how I could reach more men, but of course none of them were following me.
即使是透过直接的讯息。所以我想要找出让我能 接触更多男人的方式，
(Laughter) So I tried an experiment.
但，当然他们都没追踪我。（笑声）
I started posting more stereotypically masculine things -- (Laughter)
所以我尝试了一个实验。我开始贴一些关於男子气概 刻板印象的东西──
Like my challenging workouts, my meal plans, my journey to heal my body after an injury.
（笑声）像是我的挑战性健身、 我的饮食计画、
And guess what happened? Men started to write me.
我在受伤後如何治癒我身体的旅程。猜猜发生了什麽事？
And then, out of the blue, for the first time in my entire career, a male fitness magazine called me,
男人开始写信给我。突然间，在我职涯中头一次，
and they said they wanted to honor me as one of their game-changers. (Laughter)
一本男性健身杂志打电话给我，他们想给我一项荣耀，选我为 他们的游戏规则颠覆者之一。
Was that really game-changing? Or is it just conforming?
（笑声）那算是颠覆游戏规则吗？
And see, that's the problem. It's totally cool for men to follow me
还是只是遵循？那就是问题所在。
when I talk about guy stuff and I conform to gender norms.
当我在谈男性的话题时， 男人都觉得追踪我没问题，
But if I talk about how much I love my wife or my daughter or my 10-day-old son,
因为我遵循了性别规范。 但如果我谈我有多爱我妻子、
how I believe that marriage is challenging but beautiful, or how as a man I struggle with body dysmorphia,
我女儿，或才出生十天的儿子，谈我相信婚姻是 很有挑战性但也很美好的，
or if I promote gender equality, then only the women show up. Where are the men?
或谈我身为男人如何因为 身体畸形恐惧症而挣扎，或谈如果我提倡性别平等， 结果只有女性会参与。
So men, men, men, men!
男人在哪里？所以，男人，男人，男人，
(Applause) I understand.
男人！（掌声）
Growing up, we tend to challenge each other. We've got to be the toughest,
我了解。成长过程中，我们倾向会挑战彼此。
the strongest, the bravest men that we can be. And for many of us, myself included, our identities are wrapped up
我们得要尽所能成为。最强悍、最强壮、最勇敢的男人。
in whether or not at the end of the day we feel like we're man enough. But I've got a challenge for all the guys,
许多男人，包括我自己， 我们对自我认知的定义。可归结为觉得自己是否够男子气概。
because men love challenges. (Laughter)
但我要给所有男人一个挑战，因为男人爱挑战。
I challenge you to see if you can use the same qualities that you feel make you a man
（笑声） 我挑战你们，你们是否能够用那些
to go deeper into yourself. Your strength, your bravery, your toughness:
让你们觉得自己像男人的特质，来更深入你们自己。
Can we redefine what those mean and use them to explore our hearts? Are you brave enough
你们的力量、你们的勇气、 你们的强悍：我们能不能重新定义它们的意义， 然後用它们来探索我们的心？
to be vulnerable? To reach out to another man when you need help?
你是否勇敢到？敢於脆弱？
To dive headfirst into your shame? Are you strong enough to be sensitive,
敢在需要协助时向另一个男人求助？无惧地跳入你的羞耻中？
to cry whether you are hurting or you're happy,
你是否强壮到可以很敏感， 不管在受伤时，
even if it makes you look weak? Are you confident enough
或开心时都敢於哭泣，即使那让你看起来软弱？
to listen to the women in your life? To hear their ideas and their solutions?
你是否自信到？可以倾听你人生中的女人？
To hold their anguish and actually believe them,
去听她们的想法和解决方案？ 拥抱着她们的痛苦，
even if what they're saying is against you? And will you be man enough
且真正相信她们，即使她们说的是反对你的言语？
to stand up to other men when you hear "locker room talk," when you hear stories of sexual harassment?
你是否有男子气概到”可以在你听见「更衣室谈话」时、 听到性骚扰故事时，
When you hear your boys talking about grabbing ass or getting her drunk, will you actually stand up and do something
敢於站出来面对其他男人？当你听到你的男性朋友谈论 抓女人屁股或灌醉她时，
so that one day we don't have to live in a world where a woman has to risk everything
你是否会站出来做点什麽， 这样将来我们所居住的世界才不会是
and come forward to say the words "me too?" (Applause)
女人得要冒一切风险”并站出来说「我也是」？ (「我也是」为谴责性侵、性骚扰的运动)
This is serious stuff. I've had to take a real, honest look
（掌声）这是很严肃的。
at the ways that I've unconsciously been hurting the women in my life, and it's ugly.
我得要真正很诚实地去看，我以什麽方式在无意识中 伤害了我人生中的女性，
My wife told me that I had been acting in a certain way that hurt her and not correcting it.
这是很丑陋的。 我妻子告诉我， 我一直用某种方式在伤害她，
Basically, sometimes when she would go to speak, at home or in public,
且都没有修正。基本上，有时当她想要说话，
I would just cut her off mid-sentence and finish her thought for her. It's awful.
在家或在公众场合，我会打断她说一半的句子， 然後帮她完成她的想法。
The worst part was that I was completely unaware when I was doing it. It was unconscious.
那糟透了。最差劲的部份是， 我完全不知道我做了这件事。
So here I am doing my part, trying to be a feminist,
那是无意识的。所以，我在这里扮演我的角色，
amplifying the voices of women around the world, and yet at home,
试着成为女权主义者，将全世界女性的声音放大，
I am using my louder voice to silence the woman I love the most. So I had to ask myself a tough question:
然而，在家时，我却用我更大的声音 来让我最爱的女人沉默。
am I man enough to just shut the hell up and listen?
所以我得问自己一个艰难的问题： 我是否有男子气概到？
(Laughter) (Applause)
可以闭上嘴然後倾听？（笑声）
I've got to be honest. I wish that didn't get an applause. (Laughter)
（掌声）我得要老实说， 我希望刚刚不会得到掌声。
Guys, this is real.
（笑声）男人们，
And I'm just scratching the surface here, because the deeper we go, the uglier it gets, I guarantee you.
这是真实的。我只是点到为止，
I don't have time to get into porn and violence against women or the split of domestic duties
因为我们越深入， 状况就会更丑陋，我保证。 我没有时间进入对 抗女性的色情片和暴力，
or the gender pay gap. But I believe that as men,
或是家事的分担，或两性薪资落差。
it's time we start to see past our privilege and recognize that we are not just part of the problem.
但，身为男人我相信， 时候到了，我们该看穿我们的特权，
Fellas, we are the problem. The glass ceiling exists because we put it there,
并承认我们并不只是问题的一部份。男人们，我们就是问题。
and if we want to be a part of the solution, then words are no longer enough.
玻璃天花板会存在， 是因为我们把它放在那里，如果我们想成为解决方案的一部份，
There's a quote that I love that I grew up with from the Bahá'í writings. It says that "the world of humanity is possessed of two wings,
光会说是不够的。我成长过程中一直 很爱一句巴哈伊引言。
the male and the female. So long as these two wings are not equivalent in strength,
它说：「人类的世界拥有两只翅膀，男性和女性。
the bird will not fly." So women,
只要这两只翅膀在力量上不均等，这只鸟就飞不起来。」
on behalf of men all over the world who feel similar to me,
所以，各位女性， 代表全世界和我有相似感受的男人，
please forgive us for all the ways that we have not relied on your strength.
请原谅我们， 原谅我们用各种方式 不去仰赖你们的力量。
And now I would like to ask you to formally help us, because we cannot do this alone.
现在，我想请你们正式协助我们，因为我们靠自己无法做到。
We are men. We're going to mess up. We're going to say the wrong thing. We're going to be tone-deaf.
我们是男人。我们会搞砸。我们会说错话。我们是音盲。
We're more than likely, probably, going to offend you. But don't lose hope.
我们非常有可能会冒犯你们。但别失去希望。
We're only here because of you, and like you, as men, we need to stand up and become your allies
因为你们，我们才会在这里。就像你们，我们男人也需要 站起来并变成你们的盟友，
as you fight against pretty much everything.
和你们一起对抗 几乎任何事物。
We need your help in celebrating our vulnerability and being patient with us
我们需要你们的协助， 来赞颂我们的脆弱， 对我们耐心点，
as we make this very, very long journey from our heads to our hearts.
我们正在进行这趟 非常非常漫长的旅程， 从我们的头前往我们的心。
And finally to parents: instead of teaching our children
最後，给父母们：不要教导我们的孩子
to be brave boys or pretty girls, can we maybe just teach them how to be good humans?
成为勇敢的男孩或漂亮的女孩，我们能不能就只要教 他们如何成为好人？
So back to my dad. Growing up, yeah, like every boy, I had my fair share of issues,
回到我爸爸的事。我在成长过程中， 和每个男孩都一样有很多问题，
but now I realize that it was even thanks to his sensitivity and emotional intelligence
但现在我了解到，幸亏有他的敏感 以及情绪智慧，
that I am able to stand here right now talking to you in the first place. The resentment I had for my dad I now realize had nothing to do with him.
我现在才能站在这里和各位说话。现在，我了解到 我对爸爸的忿怒其实与他无关，
It had everything to do with me and my longing to be accepted and to play a role that was never meant for me.
而是完全和我有关。 我渴望被接纳， 想扮演一个从来就不适合我的角色。
So while my dad may have not taught me how to use my hands, he did teach me how to use my heart,
虽然我爸爸没有教我 怎麽用我的双手，他教我如何用我的心，
and to me that makes him more a man than anything. Thank you.
对我来说，那就让他 比任何人都更有男子气概。谢谢。
(Applause)
（掌声）