Listen to My Inner Voice(Day9)

  I didn't feel happy because I was rejected by a university which is located in Beijing. Just after that interview, I was pretty confiden that I might be picked by the professors. I didn't know where has gone wrong. During my few experiences in the past six years, I draw the conclusion that I'm not an interview person which means people always tend to dislike me in our first meet. The worst thing is that I donn't know how to change this kind of situation. What's wrong with me? I have tried my best this time. Anyway, there are still a few interviews in Beijing. I admit that I don't have much confidence. I'm in a crossroads now and I have no choice because I'm in a passive position.

  I will decrease the times to look at mirrors if unnecessary. My body is itching all over and others said that maybe I was allergic to something. Whenever I meet a boy who is kind of good-looking, I will not treat him differently and be normal. Dad made a phone call to me the day before I took the interview. I will pay no attention and ignore any admirations by other people. I will not buy lotteries again. I will leave numbers and times behind and focus on the sweat and pain which shows the real effect of efforts. 

    I don't know how to put it in terms of what I'm feeling now. Failure nearly kills me. Why people don't like the true version of me? I cannot figure it out. I have totally lost the courage and faith in myself facing the coming interviews. I don't know how can I reach my destination. I'm not good at pretending that I'm an agreeable person. It is a truth that people don't like me. It is hard to face parents and friends who are concerned about my result of hard work. Besides, I'm very stubborn for who I am. Sticking to who I am will make me fail again. What should I do? I find that I'm at a dead end now.

  Deadline makes me feel nervous and nearly drives me crazy. I promise to finish any task ahead of time from now on. I decided to stop eating meat. I found that Victor Ma is a really good rapper. Yesterday I returned home from Beijing. Fortunately, I was admited to North China Electric Power University in the end. I have learned a lot during this process. In September, I will go to Beijing to continue my academic life. I need to make money to pay off debts in the next few months. I have not taken exercise for about ten days. It is a warning to me. I plan to learn French well. I gradually have mastered the art of self-control: I will stop and think before I do something unnecessary.