小伙伴们大家好，欢迎来到本期的“国外也有段子手”！转眼已到八月中旬，各大联赛纷纷开启了新的征程。率先开赛的英超赛场，利物浦、切尔西、曼联等球队纷纷顺利取胜，卫冕冠军曼城则在与阿森纳的强强对话中笑到了最后。而在西班牙超级杯中，巴萨则逆转战胜了塞维利亚。好了，话不多说，和摩羯君一起看看歪果仁们的精彩吐槽吧
斯特林B席进球，曼城2-0阿森纳
TheMuse1(芝加哥火焰球迷)：就连进乌龙球的机会，阿森纳都没把握住啊！(Arsenal even missed opportunity of Own Goal.)
kaj1981(未知主队球迷)：埃德森这场给阿森纳创造的得分良机，都比枪手全队还多了…(Ederson has created more for Arsenal than themselves.)
johnnygrant(阿森纳球迷)：段子手们还没反应过来新赛季已经开始了呢！(Man the memes world wasn't ready for it has begun.)
armchairgoon(阿森纳球迷)：这场比赛看得，就连喝白开水的我都醉了…(I am drinking water, but they can still drown for this.)
Dhahajts(曼联球迷)：万万没想到，斯特林这混小子也学会内切射门了…(Hard to believe that son of a bitch could make a cut inside…)
Jayveesac(阿森纳球迷)：估计撑不到比赛结束我就得犯心脏病了！(I'm probably gonna have a heart attack before this game ends lol.)
freakedmind(未知主队球迷)：那你这么多年是怎么活下来的…(How are you still alive after the past couple of years?)
波霸点射卢克-肖首球，曼联2-1莱斯特城
Dann610(美国球迷)：我大波霸依然保持着世界杯的状态！(It's like Pogba never left the World Cup.)
Sovereign(利物浦球迷)：看来德赫亚也是呢！(So did De Gea.)
CandidEnigma(利物浦球迷)：波霸这点球就像当年的扎扎一样，这步伐都让我期望他也踢飞了…(It was like that Zaza pen, I was really hoping he'd miss it with that run up...)
WheresThePhonebooth(曼联球迷)：卢克-肖和波霸都进球了？我看英格兰报纸这一周的头条都得重写了！(Both Shaw and Pogba scoring?! The English press just lost a week's worth of stories they had written up.)
someone447(热刺球迷)：说是三个也行…(Three solid candidates.)
Cudder9167(皇马球迷)：进球后都没亲吻队徽，波霸离队看来是板上钉钉了！(Didn’t kiss the badge after that, Pogba’s leaving confiremed.)
Idunlikeu(曼联球迷)：而且进球后也没去拥抱贝尔！(Didn't hug Bale, either.)
ugallu(切尔西球迷)：卢克-肖是怎么能进这种球的…(How’s Luke Shaw done that lol.)
panda52501(曼联球迷)：别问了，因为他也不知道…(Don't ask him cuz he doesn't know either.)
unusual_flats(英格兰球迷)：可以说卢克-肖就是发胖版的梅西了！(Literally a fat Messi.)
Demonictoaster(曼联球迷)：好好干吧卢克-肖，因为我们夏天没能买个后卫来替掉你…(Come on Shaw, we didn't get a fullback this summer to replace you…)
坎特佩刀若日鸟进球，切尔西3-0哈镇
Fcinterprofezionale(未知主队球迷)：我的天，阿扎尔都快把哈镇打出来一个新的菊花了！(Holy hell, Hazard is tearing Huddersfield a new asshole.)
Lintal(英格兰球迷)：皇马，请你不要看这个…(Madrid please don't watch.)
Lyonellaughingstorm(切尔西球迷)：很好，现在不需要踢剩下的比赛了，立刻就结束这赛季的联赛吧！(Right, no need to play the rest of the season. Let’s just end it now.)
Areking(那不勒斯球迷)：现在能不能怀念下若日鸟和萨里？虽然我们联赛还没开始…(Is it possible to already miss Jorginho and Sarri? and we didn't even start the season.)
Sygarfree(阿森纳球迷)：看来本赛季的争四将会异常的激烈！(Top4 will be a big battle this season. Won’t it?)
mr_kap_(曼联球迷)：那可是相当的激烈，切尔西、曼城、利物浦、曼联和热刺都是前四的有力争夺者啊！(will be massive. Chelsea, city, Pool, United, Spurs all seem like they can be top 4.)
马内萨拉赫进球，利物浦4-0西汉姆联
WhatIsReal(曼联球迷)：看来卢克-肖和萨拉赫的金靴之争已然开始了！(So the race for the golden boot between Shaw and Salah has begun in earnest.)
OPdoesnotrespond(热刺球迷)：萨拉赫也不过是昙花1.026现而已！(Salah’s just a 1.026 season wonder.)
Ariiqirfan(未知主队球迷)：利物浦的每个进球，要么是真越位了，要么就是看起来越位了…(Every Liverpool goal always looks offside or is offside.)
ILOVEGLADOS(未知主队球迷)：也别埋怨阿利松毫无表现了，因为对方根本就没有射门让他去扑…(Don’t criticize Alisson for doing nothing because he didn’t have any shots to save.)
Bridgeorl(利物浦球迷)：我们是第一了，现在赶紧结束联赛吧！(We're top of the league, end the season immediately.)
AlphaPi(切尔西球迷)：哦不，亲爱的，联赛昨天就结束了呢！(Um no honey, season ended yesterday.)
皮克登贝莱进球，巴萨2-1塞维利亚
imfatal(未知主队球迷)：这场比赛就是重复播放梅西创造机会，然后苏牙浪射的集锦而已…(This match is about repeating tons of incredible pass from Messi completely wasted by Suarez.)
t_mac1(未知主队球迷)：梅西在挠头的时候一定在想，要是自己能给自己传球该多好…(messi scratches his head a lot. he must be thinking: how do i pass to myself?)
Jacamacho(贝蒂斯球迷)：苏牙一定度过了一个美好的夏天！看体型就知道了…(It looks like Suarez had a very happy summer, in awe at his size.)
Guccionmycorpse(巴萨球迷)：把苏牙换下去吧，让皮克踢中锋好不好…(sub off suarez and play pique there pls.)
好了，亲爱的伙伴们，本期的“国外也有段子手”播报就到此为止了，咱们下周继续！
