55
我让安东尼奥陪我去参加莉拉的婚礼，我让他一直陪着我，要他和我说话，和我跳舞。我非常害怕那一天的到来，感到一种彻底的撕裂，我希望有人一直支撑着我。
I also asked Antonio to go with me to
Lila’s wedding, not to leave me alone, and maybe always to dance with me. I
dreaded that day, I felt it as a definitive break, and I wanted someone there
who would support me.
这样的要求应该让他觉得很为难。莉拉给所有人都发了邀请，整个小区所有的妈妈和奶奶都在缝制新衣服，购置帽子和小包，四处物色结婚礼物。我知道他们都在买杯子、盘子和刀叉。他们那么费劲，并不是为了莉拉，而是因为斯特凡诺，他是一个好心的小伙子，允许人们在月底结账。还有，对所有人来说，婚礼都是一个不能丢脸的地方，尤其是对于那些没有男朋友的姑娘，这是一个机会，她们可以在婚礼上物色一个男朋友，安置自己，在几年之内把自己嫁出去。
This request was to complicate life
further. Lila had sent invitations to everyone. In the houses of the
neighborhood the mothers, the grandmothers had been working for months to
make dresses, to get hats and purses, to shop for a wedding present, I don’t
know, a set of glasses, of plates, of silverware. It wasn’t so much for Lila
that they made that effort; it was for Stefano, who was very decent, and
allowed you to pay at the end of the month. But a wedding was, above all, an
occasion where no one should make a bad showing, especially girls without
fiancés, who there would have a chance of finding one and getting settled,
marrying, in their turn, within a few years.
因为上面说的这些缘故，我想让安东尼奥一直陪着我。我没有任何意图对外正式宣布我们的关系——我们都很小心，一直都对外保密，但我想表现得迷人一些，这样可以抑制我的焦虑。我想在那种情况下表现得规矩、安静，戴着我的眼镜，穿着我母亲给我缝制的简单衣服和旧鞋子。我应该这么想：我拥有一个十六岁女孩子该拥有的一切，我不需要任何东西、任何人。
It was really for that last reason that I
wanted Antonio to go with me. I had no intention of making the thing
official—we were careful to keep our relationship absolutely hidden—but I
wished to keep under control my anxiety about being attractive. I wanted,
that day, to feel calm, tranquil, despite my glasses, the modest dress made
by my mother, my old shoes, and at the same time think: I have everything a
sixteenold girl should have, I don’t need anything or anyone.
但安东尼奥的理解并不是这样，他爱我，他认为我是他遇到的最大幸福。他经常大声问我，表面上看起来是想逗乐，实际上声音里带着一丝不安和紧张，他问我为什么会选择他，他说自己很笨，连话都说不清楚。实际上，他迫不及待地想去我家里，向我父母公开我们之间的关系，所以我的这个要求让他认为：我决定和他走出这种地下关系。他借钱做了一套衣服，更不用说买礼物也需要钱，还要给艾达和几个弟弟妹妹买衣服，梅丽娜也要穿得体面。
But Antonio didn’t take it like that. He
loved me, he considered me the luckiest thing that had ever happened to him.
He often asked aloud, with a hint of anguish straining under an appearance of
amusement, how in the world I had chosen him, who was stupid and couldn’t put
two words together. In fact, he couldn’t wait to appear at my parents’ house
and make our relationship official. And so at that request of mine he must
have thought that I had finally decided to let him come out of hiding, and he
went into debt to buy a suit, in addition to what he was spending for the
wedding gift, clothes for Ada and the other children, a presentable
appearance for Melina.
我一点都没有察觉到这些，我还是一直埋头学习，有时候会在莉拉、她小姑子和婆婆之间出现麻烦时去救急。我想着自己的小文章发表在杂志上的情景，内心充满着期待，夹杂着甜美和不安。在内心深处，我觉得自己的名字——埃莱娜·格雷科印到杂志上时，自己才算真正活过，我对别的事都漫不经心，一直期待着文章出版的那一天。我并没让安东尼奥注意到这一点，他现在想着他参加婚礼的衣服，他想要添一双“赛鲁罗”牌鞋子。他时不时会问我：“你知不知道，鞋子做得怎么样了？”我回答他说：“你问问里诺吧，莉娜什么都不知道。”
I didn’t notice anything. I struggled on,
between school, the urgent consultations whenever things got tangled up
between Lila and her sisterlaw and motherlaw, the pleasant nervousness about
the article that I might see published at any time. I was secretly convinced
that I would truly exist only at the moment when my signature, Elena Greco,
appeared in print, and as I waited for that day I didn’t pay much attention
to Antonio, who had got the idea of completing his wedding outfit with a pair
of Cerullo shoes. Every so often he asked me, “Do you know what point they’ve
reached?” I answered, “Ask Rino, Lila doesn’t know anything.”
事情的确如此。赛鲁罗父子在十一月让斯特凡诺去店里看鞋子，根本就没有考虑过先让莉拉看看，尽管莉拉当时还住在家里。斯特凡诺特意带着未婚妻和妹妹皮诺奇娅去看了，他们三个人穿的就像刚从电视屏幕里出来一样。莉拉对我说，她试了那些鞋子，看到她前些年设计的鞋子做成了实物，觉得异常激动，就好像真有一位仙女实现了她的梦想，那些鞋子就是她之前想象的样子。皮诺奇娅也目瞪口呆，她试了试一双喜欢的款式，对里诺说了很多恭维的话，让他觉得自己是一位真正的能工巧匠，能做出那么轻盈结实、线条漂亮的鞋子。唯一一个表现出不悦的人是斯特凡诺。
It was true. In November the Cerullos summoned Stefano without bothering to show the shoes to Lila first, even though she was still living at home with them. Instead, Stefano showed up for the occasion with his fiancée and Pinuccia, all three looking as if they had emerged from the television screen. Lila told me that, on seeing the shoes she had designed years earlier made real, she had felt a very violent emotion, as if a fairy had appeared and fulfilled a wish. The shoes really were as she had imagined them at the time. Even Pinuccia was amazed. She wanted to try on a pair she liked and she complimented Rino effusively, letting him understand that she considered him the true craftsman of those masterpieces of sturdy lightness, of dissonant harmony. The only one who seemed displeased was Stefano.
他打断了莉拉对哥哥、父亲以及几个学徒的热情恭维，他让皮诺奇娅闭嘴——皮诺奇娅正在用甜蜜的声音恭维里诺，她抬起了一只脚的脚踝，向他展示那只鞋子是多么合脚。斯特凡诺开始逐一按照款式批评那些鞋子和图纸的出入。他尤其针对那双男鞋，说当时里诺和莉拉瞒着费尔南多偷偷做出来的那双鞋和父子俩后来做出来的不一样。“这道边是怎么回事儿？这些针脚呢？这个金色扣子又是怎么回事儿？”他很不客气地问。尽管费尔南多有理有据地说明了那些修改的原因，说这是为了掩盖设计中出现的问题，但斯特凡诺还是毫不让步，说他投了那么多钱，并不是为了随便得到一双鞋子，他要和莉拉设计的鞋一模一样的款式。
He interrupted the warm greetings Lila
was giving her father and brother and the workers, silenced the sugary voice
of Pinuccia, who was congratulating Rino, raising an ankle to show him her
extraordinarily shod foot, and, style after style, he criticized the
modifications made to the original designs. He was especially persistent in
the comparison between the man’s shoe as it had been made by Rino and Lila in
secret from Fernando, and the same shoe as the father and son had refined it.
“What’s this fringe, what are these stitches, what is this gilded pin?” he
asked in annoyance. And no matter how Fernando explained all the
modifications, for reasons of durability or to disguise some defect in the
idea, Stefano was adamant. He said he had invested too much money to obtain
ordinary shoes and not—precisely identical—Lila’s shoes.
气氛非常僵。莉拉的态度很柔和，她马上站在了父亲的一边。她对未婚夫说，不要管之前的图纸了，她的设计只是小姑娘的奇思异想，而且那些改变不是很明显，但非常有必要。里诺却站在斯特凡诺那边，所以他们一直在争论，直到最后费尔南多筋疲力尽。他坐在一个角落里，看着墙上的图纸说：
The tension was extreme. Lila gently defended her father, she told her fiancé to let it go: her designs were the fantasies of a child, and surely the modifications were necessary, and, besides, were not so great. But Rino supported Stefano and the discussion went on for a long time. It broke off only when Fernando, utterly worn out, sat down in a corner and, looking at the pictures on the wall, said,
“如果你在圣诞节前要这些鞋子，那就只能这样了。如果你要和我女儿设计的一模一样的鞋子，你找别人去做吧。”
“If you want the shoes for Christmas take
them like that. If you want them exactly the way my daughter designed them,
have someone else make them.”
这时候，斯特凡诺做出了让步，里诺也退了一步。圣诞节的时候，那些鞋子出现在了铺子的橱窗里，橱窗上用棉絮做成彗星装饰。我经过那里，看到那些鞋子非常优雅精美，做工很好，看到这些鞋子，就让人有一种富裕奢华的感觉。那些鞋子和铺子简陋的橱窗、外面荒凉的景色，以及铺子内部很不相称。修鞋铺里，到处都是皮革碎片、工作台、锥子、鞋模，那些装鞋子的盒子一直堆积到天花板，等着顾客来买。尽管费尔南多对那些鞋子做了修改，但那只是我们天真的梦想，并没有考虑到这个城区的现实。
Stefano gave in, Rino, too, gave in.At
Christmas the shoes appeared in the window, a window with the comet star made
of cotton wool. I went by to see them: they were elegant objects, carefully
finished: just to look at them gave an impression of wealth that did not
accord with the humble shop window, with the desolate landscape outside, with
the shop’s interior, all pieces of hide and leather and benches and awls and
wooden forms and boxes of shoes piled up to the ceiling, waiting for
customers. Even with Fernando’s modifications, they were the shoes of our
childish dreams, not invented for the reality of the neighborhood.
实际上，一直到圣诞节，那些鞋一双都没有卖出去。只有安东尼奥出现在店里，让里诺给他了一双四十四码的鞋，他试了试。后来，他跟我说了那双鞋子穿在脚上的感觉：非常合脚，他想象着和我一起出现在婚礼上，身上穿着新做的衣服，脚上穿着那双鞋子，但最后他没有买。
In fact at Christmas not a single pair
sold. Only Antonio appeared, asked Rino for a 44, tried it. Later he told me
the pleasure he had had in feeling so well shod, imagining himself with me at
the wedding, in his new suit, with those shoes on his feet.
当他问那双鞋子多少钱时，里诺说了价格。他目瞪口呆地回答说：“你疯了？”里诺对他说：“你可以月供。”他笑着回答说：“那我还不如去买辆兰美达踏板摩托呢。”
But when he asked the price and Rino told him, he was dumbstruck: “Are you crazy?” and when Rino said, “I’ll sell them to you on a monthly installment,” he responded, laughing, “Then I’ll buy a Lambretta.”
56
那时候，莉拉非常专注于婚礼的筹备，她没有觉察到哥哥的变化。之前里诺很愉快，尽管干活非常辛苦，但他也爱开玩笑，现在的他变得很阴郁，睡不好觉，动不动就发火。有时候里诺发火，莉拉为了袒护哥哥，就对皮诺奇娅说：“他心情多变，一不称心就耍小性子，没有耐心，真像个孩子！”莉拉和费尔南多全然不觉得，圣诞节没有卖出去一双鞋是一种失败。最终来说，做这些鞋并没按照一个非常具体可行的计划，一切都产生于斯特凡诺的一时兴起，想看到莉拉的幻想变成具体的实物。他们的产品有单鞋，也有棉鞋，一年四季的鞋子都有，这是件好事。在赛鲁罗的铺子里，白色的盒子堆积起来了，里面有各种款式的鞋子，只要等着冬天、春天、秋天，这些鞋子会卖出去的。
At the moment Lila, taken up by the
wedding, didn’t realize that her brother, until then cheerful, playful, even
though he was exhausted by work, was becoming depressed again, sleeping
badly, flying into a rage for no reason. “He’s like a child,” she said to
Pinuccia, as if to apologize for some of his outbursts, “his mood changes
according to whether his whims are satisfied immediately or not, he doesn’t
know how to wait.” She, like Fernando, did not feel in the least that the
failure of the shoes to sell at Christmas was a fiasco. After all, the
production of the shoes had not followed any plan: they had originated in
Stefano’s wish to see Lila’s purest caprice made concrete, there were heavy
ones, light ones, spanning most of the seasons. And this was an advantage. In
the white boxes piled up in the Cerullos’ shop was a considerable assortment.
They had only to wait, and in winter, in spring, in autumn the shoes would
sell.
但里诺越来越不安了。圣诞节之后，里诺自己采取了行动，他跑到了大路尽头的一家积满灰尘的鞋店。尽管他知道，那家鞋店的老板和索拉拉兄弟手足相连，里诺对老板说他想在橱窗里展示几双“赛鲁罗”鞋，不用押钱，就是看看有没有人要。那个老板很客气地拒绝了他，他说那些鞋不适合他的客户群。他马上恼了，两人对骂起来，搞得整个城区的人都知道了。费尔南多对儿子发火，里诺回嘴了。莉拉又感觉到，哥哥让人心烦意乱，表现出让她害怕的破坏性力量。他们四人一起出去时，她注意到，哥哥故意让她和皮诺奇娅走在前面，他和斯特凡诺走在后面进行交谈。一般情况下，肉食店老板都会耐心地听他说。有一次，莉拉听见她未婚夫说：
But Rino was increasingly agitated. After
Christmas, on his own initiative, he went to the owner of the dusty shoe
store at the end of the stradone and, although he knew the man was bound hand
and foot to the Solaras, proposed that he display some of the Cerullo shoes,
without obligation, just to see how they went. The man said no politely, that
product was not suitable for his customers. Rino took offense and an exchange
of vulgarities followed, which became known in the whole neighborhood.
Fernando was furious with his son, Rino insulted him, and Lila again
experienced her brother as an element of disorder, a manifestation of the
destructive forces that had frightened her. When the four of them went out,
she noticed with apprehension that her brother maneuvered to let her and
Pinuccia go on ahead while he stayed behind to talk to Stefano. In general
the grocer listened to him without showing signs of irritation. Only once
Lila heard him say:
“对不起，里诺。你觉得，我在作坊里投了那么多钱，那个铺子简直就像个无底洞，只是出于对你妹妹的爱？鞋子我们已经做好了，而且很漂亮，我们现在要把它们卖出去，问题是要找到合适的市场。”
“Excuse me, Rino, do you think I put so
much money in the shoe store like that, without any security, just for love
of your sister? We have the shoes, they’re beautiful, we have to sell them.
The problem is to find the right place.”
那句“只是出于对你妹妹的爱”让她很不悦，但她没有理会，因为那句话对里诺起了很好的效果，他平静下来了，开始扮演起了销售专家的角色，尤其是在皮诺奇娅面前。他说需要把眼光放得高远一些，为什么很多很好的创举最后都失败了呢？为什么格莱西奥的汽车修理店放弃生产轻型摩托了呢？为什么缝纫用品店老板娘的新裁缝店只坚持了六个月呢？因为这些企业都没什么创意。“赛鲁罗”鞋很快就会走出这个破城区，会在富人的城区获得成功。
That “just for love of your sister”
didn’t please her. But she let it go, because the words had a good effect on
Rino, who calmed down and began to talk, in particular to Pinuccia, about
strategies for selling the shoes. He said they had to think on a grand scale.
Why did so many good initiatives fail? Why had the Gorresio auto repair shop
given up motorbikes? Why had the dressmaker in the dry goods store lasted
only six months? Because they were undertakings that lacked breadth. The
Cerullo shoes, instead, would as soon as possible leave the local market and
become popular in the wealthier neighborhoods.
结婚的日子越来越近了。莉拉去婚纱店里试衣服，最后装点一下未来的家。她和皮诺奇娅、玛丽亚做斗争，她们母女除了干涉所有事情，也不能容忍农齐亚插手婚礼的准备。临近三月十二日，她们之间的关系变得越来越紧张，但并不是这些矛盾使双方关系产生了裂缝。当时接连发生了两件事情深深地伤害了莉拉。
Meanwhile the date of the wedding
approached. Lila hurried to fittings for her wedding dress, gave the final
touches to her future home, fought with Pinuccia and Maria, who, among many
things, were intolerant of Nunzia’s intrusions. The situation was increasingly
tense. But the damaging attacks came from elsewhere. There were two events in
particular, one after the other, that wounded Lila deeply.
二月的一个寒冷的下午，莉拉忽然问我能不能陪伴她去奥利维耶罗老师家里。她从来都没有对奥利维耶罗老师表现出一丁点兴趣和情感，也没有任何感激之情，现在她感觉有必要亲自把结婚请帖送过去。过去，我从来都没对她说过老师在提到她时的鄙夷语气。在当时的情况下，我也没办法对她提这个，加上那段时间，奥利维耶罗老师好像没那么刻薄了，她变得有些忧伤，没准她会欣然接受莉拉的邀请呢。
One cold afternoon in February she asked
me out of the blue if I could come with her to see Maestra Oliviero. She had
never displayed any interest in her, no affection, no gratitude. Now, though,
she felt the need to bring her the invitation in person. Since in the past I
had never reported to her the hostile tones that the teacher had often used
about her, it didn’t seem to me right to tell her then, especially since the
teacher had recently seemed less aggressive, more melancholy: maybe she would
welcome her kindly.
莉拉那天穿得非常考究，我们一起走到老师居住的楼下，距离教堂没几步远的地方。我们上楼时，我觉察到她非常不安。我已经习惯于走那段路、那些楼梯，但是她不习惯，她一句话也没有说。我摁了门铃，随后听到奥利维耶罗老师有些拖沓的脚步声。
Lila dressed with extreme care. We walked
to the building where the teacher lived, near the parish church. As we
climbed the stairs, I realized that she was nervous. I was used to that
journey, to those stairs; she wasn’t, and didn’t say a word. I rang the bell,
I heard the teacher’s dragging steps.
“谁啊？”
“Who is it?”
“格雷科。”
“Greco.”
她打开了门，肩膀上有一条紫色的披肩，她半张脸都包在围巾里。莉拉马上微笑着说：“老师，您记不记得我？”
She opened the door. Over her shoulders
she wore a purple shawl and half her face was wrapped in a scarf. Lila smiled
and said, “Maestra, do you remember me?”
奥利维耶罗老师盯着她看，就好像在小学时莉拉惹她心烦时的眼神。最后，奥利维耶罗老师对着我，嘴里好像含着什么东西似的，她很艰难地说：
The teacher stared at her as she used to
do in school when Lila was annoying, then she turned to me, speaking with
difficulty, as if she had something in her mouth.
“这谁啊？我不认识她。”
“Who is it? I don’t know her.”
莉拉有些慌乱，她马上用意大利语说：“我是赛鲁罗，我是来给您送请帖的，我要结婚了。如果您能来参加我的婚礼，我会非常荣幸。”
Lila was confused and said quickly, in
Italian, “I’m Cerullo. I’ve brought you an invitation, I’m getting married.
And I would be so happy if you would come to my wedding.”
老师对着我说：“赛鲁罗我是认识的，但这个人我不知道她是谁。”
The teacher turned to me, said: “I know
Cerullo, I don’t know who this girl is.”
她当着我们的面把门关上了。
She closed the door in our faces.
我们在楼梯平台那里待了一会儿，我拉着她的手，试图安慰她。她把手缩了回去，把那张请帖从门下面塞了进去，我们走下楼去。一路上，她都在说市政府还有教堂的手续有多麻烦，说我父亲对她的帮助很大。
We stood without moving on the landing
for some moments, then I touched her hand to comfort her. She withdrew it,
stuck the invitation under the door, and started down the stairs. On the
street she began talking about all the bureaucratic problems at the city hall
and the parish, and how helpful my father had been.
另一件让莉拉伤心的事，也许是伤她更深的事，是关于斯特凡诺和鞋子的事情。他们从开始就决定，证婚人由玛丽亚的一个亲戚来担任，这位亲戚在战后就迁到佛罗伦萨去生活了，现在经营着自己的小生意，主要是买卖一些来自不同地方的古董，尤其是金属制品。他和一个佛罗伦萨女人结了婚，说话口音都变了，因为他说话的腔调，他在家里享有一定的威望，他也是斯特凡诺的坚信礼教父。事情本来都已经定好了，但是斯特凡诺却忽然间改变了主意。
The other sorrow, perhaps more profound,
came, surprisingly, from Stefano and the business of the shoes. He had long
since decided that the role of speech master would be entrusted to a relative
of Maria’s who had emigrated to Florence after the war and had set up a small
trade in old things of varied provenance, especially metal objects. This
relative had married a Florentine woman and had taken on the local accent.
Because of his cadences he enjoyed in the family a certain prestige, and also
for that reason had been Stefano’s confirmation sponsor. But, abruptly, the
bridegroom changed his mind.
莉拉跟我说起这件事情时，开始的时候，就好像这和最近一段时间的其他烦人事一样，对于她来说，谁当证婚人都可以，她都不在意，最主要的是要做决定。但有几天，斯特凡诺一直闪烁其词，前言不搭后语，她一直不知道是谁替换了佛罗伦萨的那对夫妇。最后，距离婚礼还有一个星期的时间，她发现了真相。斯特凡诺通知她，这件事情定好了，不容更改，他没有说明理由，只告诉她证婚人是西尔维奥·索拉拉——马尔切洛和米凯莱的父亲。
At first, Lila spoke as if it were a sign
of last-minute nervousness. For her, it was completely indifferent who the
speech master was, the important thing was to decide. But for several days
Stefano gave her only vague, confused answers, and she couldn’t understand
who was to replace the Florentine couple. Then, less than a week before the
wedding, the truth came out. Stefano told her, as a thing done, without any
explanation, that the speech master would be Silvio Solara, the father of
Marcello and Michele.
在这之前，莉拉从来都没有想到过，马尔切洛·索拉拉会作为他们的远亲来参加婚礼。有几天时间，她又变回了我熟悉的那个小姑娘。她对斯特凡诺恶语相向，出口很粗俗，她说她再也不想见到他。她把自己关在父母家里，不再管任何事情，甚至不再去最后一次试婚纱，不做任何和迫在眉睫的婚礼相干的事情。
Lila, who until that moment hadn’t
considered the possibility that even a distant relative of Marcello Solara
might be present at her wedding, became again the girl I knew very well. She
insulted Stefano grossly, she said she didn’t want to ever see him again. She
shut herself up in her parents’ house, stopped concerning herself with
anything, didn’t go to the last fitting of the dress, did absolutely nothing
that had to do with the imminent wedding.
全家人都轮番去劝她，先是她母亲——农齐亚很悲痛，说她要为家里着想。然后是费尔南多，他有些结巴地说，她再也不能像一个不懂事的小女孩一样了：任何一个想要在城区立足的人，都要让西尔维奥·索拉拉当教父。最后是里诺，他非常粗暴地跟她说，说她嫁给一个商人，商人就是只认钱，索拉拉家就像一个银行，尤其是一个把“赛鲁罗”鞋和鞋店联系起来的渠道。“你想干什么？”他眼睛里充满了血丝，对妹妹吼叫着，“你要把我、全家人，还有我们到目前为止的辛劳都毁掉吗？”之后，就连皮诺奇娅也来了，她用一种假惺惺的语气说，将来她结婚时，也会很乐意让佛罗伦萨的古董商人来做证婚人，但要好好想想，不能因为这样一件小事让婚礼泡汤、抹杀一场爱情。
The procession of relatives began. First
came her mother, Nunzia, who spoke to her desperately about the good of the
family. Then Fernando arrived, gruff, and told her not to be a child: for
anyone who wanted to have a future in the neighborhood, to have Silvio Solara
as speech master was obligatory. Finally Rino came, and, in an aggressive
tone of voice, and with the air of a businessman who is interested only in
profit, explained to her how things stood: Solara the father was like a bank
and, above all, was the channel by which the Cerullo shoe styles could be
placed in shops. “What are you doing?” he shouted at her with puffy,
bloodshot eyes. “You want to ruin me and the whole family and all the work
we’ve done up to now?” Right afterward even Pinuccia appeared, and said to
her, in a somewhat artificial tone of voice, how pleased she, too, would have
been to have the metal merchant from Florence as the speech master, but you
had to be reasonable, you couldn’t cancel a wedding and eradicate a love for
a matter of such little importance.
就这样过了一天一夜，农齐亚待在角落里一动不动，不做家务，也不去睡觉。最后她从家里偷偷溜了出来找我，让我劝劝她女儿，说句好话。我觉得很有面子，我想了很长时间，考虑该支持谁。这涉及的是一场婚礼，一件非常实际的事情，非常复杂，牵扯了很多情感和利益。我很害怕，那时候虽然我可以当众批判“圣灵”，挑战宗教老师的权威，但假如我处于莉拉的位子，我绝对没有勇气让一切都泡汤。但她就可以，她有勇气那么做，尽管婚礼眼看就要举行了。怎么办呢？我感觉只要一点点力气，就可以把她推向那条路。结果会让我很满意：让莉拉再次变回那个脸色苍白的姑娘，扎着马尾辫，像猛禽一样眯着的眼睛，身上穿着几件不值钱的衣裳，让她再也没有那种气势像杰奎琳·肯尼迪一样出现在城区。
A day and a night passed. Nunzia sat
mutely in a corner without moving, without caring for the house, without
sleeping. Then she slipped out in secret from her daughter and came to summon
me, to speak to Lila, to put in a word. I was flattered, I thought for a long
time which side to take. There was at stake a wedding, a practical, highly
complex thing, crammed with affections and interests. I was frightened. I
knew that, although I could argue publicly with the Holy Spirit, challenging
the authority of the professor of religion, if I were in Lila’s place I would
never have the courage to throw it all away. But she, yes, she would be
capable of it, even though the wedding was about to be celebrated. What to
do? I felt that it would take very little for me to urge her along that path,
and that to work for that conclusion would give me great pleasure. Inside, it
was what I truly wanted: to bring her back to pale, ponytailed Lila, with the
narrowed eyes of a bird of prey, in her tattered dress. No more of those
airs, that acting like the Jacqueline Kennedy of the neighborhood.
但无论是于我还是于她，我都觉得这是一种不得体的做法。我相信，为了她好，我不想让她再回到赛鲁罗家黯淡的房子里。因此我打定主意，我一次又一次，小心翼翼地说服她：“莉拉，西尔维奥·索拉拉不是马尔切洛，也不是米凯莱。你现在这样闹不好，你比我更清楚。你也知道，不是西尔维奥·索拉拉把艾达拉到车里的，也不是他在新年夜里朝我们开枪的，不是他一直赖在你家里，也不是他说了你的坏话。西尔维奥做证婚人，他会帮助里诺和斯特凡诺销售那些鞋，事情很简单，他不会对你未来的生活造成任何影响。”我把我们了解的事情统统说了一遍，我按照先后顺序先说了上一代的事情，然后是我们这一代的事，说明我们是多么不同，尤其说她和斯特凡诺是多么不同。最后这段话吸引了她，让她的态度有些松动，我说得更带劲了。她静静地听我说话，很明显，她想让我帮助她恢复平静，她慢慢平静下来了。我从她的眼睛里可以看出来，斯特凡诺的做法向她展示出了他的另一面、让她无法认清的一面，她觉得这比里诺的疯狂还要可怕。最后，她对我说：
But, unfortunately for her and for me, it
seemed a small-minded act. Thinking it would be for her good, I would not
restore her to the bleakness of the Cerullo house, and so a single idea
became fixed in my mind and all I could do was tell her over and over again,
with gentle persuasion: Silvio Solara, Lila, isn’t Marcello, or even Michele;
it’s wrong to confuse them, you know better than I do, you’ve said it
yourself on other occasions. He’s not the one who pulled Ada into the car,
he’s not the one who shot at us the night of New Year’s, he’s not the one who
forced his way into your house, he’s not the one who said vulgar things about
you; Silvio will be the speech master and will help Rino and Stefano sell the
shoes, that’s all—he’ll have no importance in your future life. I reshuffled
the cards that by now we knew well enough. I spoke of the before and the
after, of the old generation and of ours, of how we were different, of how
she and Stefano were different. And this last argument made a breach, seduced
her, I returned to it passionately. She listened to me in silence, evidently
she wanted to be helped to compose herself, and slowly she did. But I read in
her eyes that that move of Stefano’s had shown her something about him that
she still couldn’t see clearly and that just for that reason frightened her
even more than the ravings of Rino. She said to me:
“可能，他不是真的爱我。”
“Maybe it’s not true that he loves me.”
“什么他不爱你？你说什么他就做什么。”
“What do you mean he doesn’t love you? He
does everything you tell him to.”
“那是没有危及到他真正的利益。”她用一种非常鄙夷的语气谈到了斯特凡诺·卡拉奇，那是之前从来没有过的事情。
“Only when I don’t put real money at
risk,” she said in a tone of contempt that I had never heard her use for
Stefano Carracci.
最后，她终于又出门了。她不去肉食店，也不去新房子那里，总之，她不是事先妥协的那个人。她等着斯特凡诺对她说：“谢谢你的谅解，我很爱你。你知道，有些事情我们不得不那么做。”只有在这时候，她才让斯特凡诺搂着她的肩膀，亲吻了她的脖子，但她忽然转过身去，看着他的眼睛，对他说：“我的婚礼，绝对不能让马尔切洛·索拉拉出现。”
In any case she returned to the world.
She didn’t appear in the grocery, she didn’t go to the new house, in other
words she was not the one who would seek to reconcile. She waited for Stefano
to say to her: “Thank you, I love you dearly, you know there are things one
is obliged to do.” Only then did she let him come up behind her and kiss her
on the neck. But then she turned suddenly and looking him straight in the
eyes said to him, “Marcello Solara must absolutely not set foot in my
wedding.”
“我应该怎么办？”
“How can I prevent it?”
“我不知道，但你要向我发誓。”
“I don’t know, but you must swear to me.”
他叹了一口气，笑着对她说：“好吧，莉娜，我向你发誓。”
He snorted and said smiling, “All right,
Lina, I swear.”
57
三月十二日到了，春天已经来了，天气很暖和。莉拉希望我早点去她家，帮她洗澡、梳头、穿衣打扮。她把母亲打发走了，我们俩单独在一起。她坐在床边上，身上只穿着内裤和文胸。她身边放着的婚纱看起来像具女尸。在她前面，六角形木块拼接的地板上有一只铜盆，里面装满了雾气腾腾的热水。她忽然问我：“你觉得，我是不是做错了？”
March 12th arrived, a mild day that was
almost like spring. Lila wanted me to come early to her old house, so that I
could help her wash, do her hair, dress. She sent her mother away, we were
alone. She sat on the edge of the bed in underpants and bra. Next to her was
the wedding dress, which looked like the body of a dead woman; in front of
us, on the hexagonal-tiled floor, was the copper tub full of boiling water.
She asked me abruptly: “Do you think I’m making a mistake?”
“什么事儿？”
“How?”
“结婚。”
“By getting married.”
“你还在想着证婚人的事？”
“Are you still thinking about the speech
master?”
“没有，我想的是我们的小学老师。她为什么不让我进她家门？”
“No, I’m thinking of the teacher. Why
didn’t she want me to come in?”
“因为她是一个脾气古怪的老太太。”
“Because she’s a mean old lady.”
她沉默了一会儿，盯着水盆里亮闪闪的水，然后说：“无论发生什么事情，你都要继续学习。”
She was silent for a while, staring at
the water that sparkled in the tub, then she said, “Whatever happens, you’ll
go on studying.”
“还有两年，拿到高中毕业证我就学完了。”
“Two more years: then I’ll get my diploma
and I’m done.”
“不，永远都学不完，我给你钱，你要一直学下去。”
“No, don’t ever stop: I’ll give you the
money, you should keep studying.”
我很不安地笑了一下，说：“谢谢。到了一定程度，就没学可上了。”
I gave a nervous laugh, then said,
“Thanks, but at a certain point school is over.”
“但你不一样，你是我的天才朋友，你应该比任何人都要厉害，无论是男生还是女生。”
“Not for you: you’re my brilliant friend,
you have to be the best of all, boys and girls.”
她站起身，脱掉内裤和文胸说：“帮帮我，否则要晚了。”
She got up, took off her underpants and
bra, said, “Come on, help me, otherwise I’ll be late.”
我从来都没看到过她全裸的样子，这让我有些难为情。现在看来，当时我的尴尬是因为自己被她完美的身体所吸引，我见证了她十六岁时的美丽，因为在几小时之后，斯特凡诺就会抚摸她、进入她、改变她，可能会让她怀孕。当时，我只感觉自己思绪纷飞，虽然不是很情愿，但我在做一件必须做的事情。在当时特定的环境下，我不能把目光投向别处，无法把手拿开，因为我担心她会觉察到我的不安。如果我打退堂鼓，那她会发现我的心绪不宁，因而打破她那平静、单纯的状态。我不能让她看出我内心的波涛汹涌，所以不得不留下来帮她洗澡。我的目光落在了她男孩子般的肩膀上，落在她坚实的乳房、窄窄的胯部、坚挺的臀部、漆黑的隐私部位、修长的双腿、线条优美的膝盖和脚踝，以及优雅的双脚上。我假装若无其事，因为一切都势在必行，在那间破旧阴暗的小房间里，四周是破烂家具，地上是溅了水渍、坑坑洼洼的旧地板，我心潮澎湃，热血沸腾。
I had never seen her naked, I was
embarrassed. Today I can say that it was the embarrassment of gazing with
pleasure at her body, of being the not impartial witness of her sixteenold’s
beauty a few hours before Stefano touched her, penetrated her, disfigured
her, perhaps, by making her pregnant. At the time it was just a tumultuous
sensation of necessary awkwardness, a state in which you cannot avert the
gaze or take away the hand without recognizing your own turmoil, without, by
that retreat, declaring it, hence without coming into conflict with the
undisturbed innocence of the one who is the cause of the turmoil, without
expressing by that rejection the violent emotion that overwhelms you, so that
it forces you to stay, to rest your gaze on the childish shoulders, on the
breasts and stiffly cold nipples, on the narrow hips and the tense buttocks,
on the black sex, on the long legs, on the tender knees, on the curved
ankles, on the elegant feet; and to act as if it’s nothing, when instead
everything is there, present, in the poor dim room, amid the worn furniture,
on the uneven, water-stained floor, and your heart is agitated, your veins
inflamed.
我非常缓慢、仔细地给她洗澡。我先让她坐在水盆里，很轻柔地给她擦洗，然后让她站起来，我的耳朵里现在还回响着水滴落下的声音，我还记得当时的感觉：铜盆的手感和莉拉的皮肤给我的感觉一样，都那么光滑、坚实、平静。
I washed her with slow, careful gestures, first letting her squat in the tub, then asking her to stand up: I still have in my ears the sound of the dripping water, and the impression that the copper of the tub had a consistency not different from Lila’s flesh, which was smooth, solid, calm.
我满脑子混乱的想法：拥抱她，和她一起哭泣，吻着她，拽着她的头发，一起大笑，假装很有性经验，高调地教育她，在最亲密的时候推开她。但最后，唯一一个挥之不去的想法是：在大清早，我从头到脚把她清洗干净，晚上斯特凡诺会把她彻底玷污。我想象着，她像这个时候一样，光着身子被她丈夫紧紧抱着，在他们新家的床上，火车从他们家窗户下面开过，发出铿锵的声音，他很粗暴地进入她，非常干脆，就像酒瓶的木塞子进入瓶颈一样。我忽然觉得，唯一可以对抗我感受到的，或者我可能会感受到的痛苦的办法，就是找一个非常僻静的地方，让安东尼奥在同一时刻对我做同样的事情。
I had a confusion of feelings and
thoughts: embrace her, weep with her, kiss her, pull her hair, laugh, pretend
to sexual experience and instruct her in a learned voice, distancing her with
words just at the moment of greatest closeness. But in the end there was only
the hostile thought that I was washing her, from her hair to the soles of her
feet, early in the morning, just so that Stefano could sully her in the
course of the night. I imagined her naked as she was at that moment, entwined
with her husband, in the bed in the new house, while the train clattered
under their windows and his violent flesh entered her with a sharp blow, like
the cork pushed by the palm into the neck of a wine bottle. And it suddenly
seemed to me that the only remedy against the pain I was feeling, that I
would feel, was to find a corner secluded enough so that Antonio could do to
me, at the same time, the exact same thing.
我帮她擦干身体，帮她穿好内衣和婚纱。带着一种混杂着自豪和难过的心情，我想着：这婚纱是我为她选的。婚纱在她的身上变得鲜活，白色的布料包裹着她的热度，映衬着她的红唇，还有那双黑色的、炯炯有神的眼睛。最后，她穿上自己设计的鞋子，那是里诺要求她穿的，她不穿的话，她哥哥会觉得那是一种背叛。她选了一双鞋跟不是很高的鞋，这样就可以避免比斯特凡诺高出太多。她拉起了裙裾，看了一眼镜子。
I helped her dry off, dress, put on the
wedding dress that I—I, I thought with a mixture of pride and suffering—had
chosen for her. The fabric became living, over its whiteness ran Lila’s heat,
the red of her mouth, her hard black eyes. Finally she put on the shoes that
she herself had designed. Pressed by Rino, who if she hadn’t worn them would
have felt a kind of betrayal, she had chosen a pair with low heels, to avoid
seeming too much taller than Stefano. She looked at herself in the mirror,
lifting the dress slightly.
“这双鞋太丑了。”她说。
“They’re ugly,” she said.
“才不丑呢。”
“It’s not true.”
她笑得有些僵硬。
She laughed nervously.
“是很丑，你看！你脑子里的梦想，现在被踩在了脚下。”
“But yes, look: the mind’s dreams have
ended up under the feet.”
她忽然转过脸来，满脸惊恐地问：
She turned with a sudden expression of
fear.
“莱诺，我身上会发生什么？”
“What’s going to happen to me, Lenù?”
58
费尔南多和农齐亚已经在厨房里等了我们很长时间了。他们早就准备好了，我从来没见过他们收拾得那么用心。那时候，莉拉的父母、我的父母，以及所有人的父母，在我看来都很老。我觉得他们和祖父祖母、外公外婆都没有太大差别。在我眼里，他们都背负着一种冷冰冰的生活，他们的生活和我、莉拉、斯特凡诺、安东尼奥还有帕斯卡莱的生活没有共同之处。我们这些人完全沉浸在自己的激情里，充满思想，热情洋溢。在我写下这些文字时，我才想到：费尔南多那时候应该不到四十五岁，农齐亚应该比他年轻一些。那天早上，他们一起在厨房等着，他穿着白衬衣、黑西装，长得像美国演员兰道夫·斯科特，农齐亚穿着一身天蓝色的衣服，头上戴着一顶天蓝色的帽子，一张蓝色的面纱，他们都看起来很体面。我的父母也一样，我清楚记得他们那时的年龄：我父亲三十九岁，我母亲三十五岁。在教堂里，我长时间地看着他们，感觉很苦恼，因为在那天，我在学校的优异成绩根本就不能安慰他们；相反，他们——尤其是我母亲——觉得我上学是白费时间，是没用的。莉拉穿着那件光洁耀眼的婚纱，在一道轻纱后面，她光彩照人，她挽着鞋匠的胳膊向圣家教堂走去，在那里和斯特凡诺会合。斯特凡诺那天也英气逼人，他站在摆满鲜花的祭台上——花匠提供的鲜花可真充分。我的母亲——尽管她的斜眼好像在看别的地方，其实是看着我——让我觉得压力很大，让我觉得自己戴着眼镜，不受人关注，而我的坏朋友却找到了一个有钱的丈夫，拥有家族企业还有一套属于自己的房子，房子里有大浴缸、电冰箱，还有电视和电话。
In the kitchen, waiting impatiently for
us, were Fernando and Nunzia. I had never seen them so well dressed and
groomed. At that time Lila’s parents, mine—all parents—seemed to me old. I
didn’t make much of a distinction between them and my grandparents, maternal
and paternal, creatures who in my eyes all led a sort of cold life, an
existence that had nothing in common with mine, with Lila’s, Stefano’s,
Antonio’s, Pasquale’s. It was we who were truly consumed by the heat of
feelings, by the outburst of thoughts. Only now, as I write, do I realize
that Fernando at that time couldn’t have been more than fortynine, my mother
thirtydecked altar—lucky the florist who had provided such abundance—my
mother, even if her wandering eye seemed to gaze elsewhere, looked at me to
make me regret that I was there, in my glasses, far from the center of the
scene, while my bad friend had acquired a wealthy husband, economic security
for her family, a house of her own, not rented but bought, with a bathtub, a
refrigerator, a television, and a telephone.
婚礼仪式非常漫长，主持的神父很啰嗦，没完没了。在教堂里，新郎的亲戚朋友都聚在一起，站在一边，新娘的亲戚朋友站在另一边。摄影师不停地在照相，闪光灯、反光板很耀眼，一个年轻的助理在旁边摄像，录下那些重要的环节。
The ceremony was long, the priest drew it
out for an eternity. Coming into the church the relatives and friends of the
bridegroom had all sat together on one side, the relatives and friends of the
bride on the other. Throughout the ceremony the photographer kept
shooting—flash, spotlights—while his young assistant filmed the important
moments.
安东尼奥一直坐在我旁边，他穿着在裁缝那里定做的衣服。他让妹妹艾达照顾母亲，艾达非常不耐烦，因为作为新郎的肉食店售货员，她本可以待在另一个位置，但她不得不待在梅丽娜身边看护着她，和几个弟弟妹妹待在一起。安东尼奥有一两次在我耳边低声说了些什么，但我没有回答他。他的任务就是待在我身边，但不要表现得那么亲密，免得别人说闲话。我的目光掠过拥挤的教堂，我看到人们都有些不耐烦了，都像我一样在四处张望。空气中弥漫着鲜花的香气，还有新衣服的味道。吉耀拉非常美，卡梅拉·佩卢索也非常漂亮。那些小伙子也不逊色。恩佐，尤其是帕斯卡莱，穿得很阔气，好像要显示在祭台上，他们要比斯特凡诺还要体面、更配得上莉拉。
Antonio sat devotedly next to me, in his new tailor-made suit, leaving to Ada—who was really annoyed because, as the clerk in the bridegroom’s grocery store, she might have aspired to a better place—the job of sitting at the back next to Melina and keeping an eye on her, along with the younger children. Once or twice he whispered something in my ear, but I didn’t answer. He was supposed simply to sit next to me, without showing a particular intimacy, to avoid gossip. I let my eyes wander through the crowded church, people were bored and, like me, kept looking around. There was an intense fragrance of flowers, a smell of new clothes. Gigliola looked pretty, and so did Carmela Peluso. And the boys were their equal. Enzo and especially Pasquale seemed to want to demonstrate that there, at the altar, next to Lila, they would have made a better showing than Stefano.
泥瓦匠帕斯卡莱和卖水果蔬菜的恩佐站在教堂最后面，就像两个哨兵一样，在确保婚礼的顺利举办。里诺呢，作为新娘的哥哥，他打破了规矩，没有和新娘的亲戚待在一起，而是待在皮诺奇娅身边，和新郎的亲戚朋友在一起。他身上也穿着一套全新的衣服，脚上穿着“赛鲁罗”鞋子，亮锃锃的，很气派，头发也油光可鉴。很明显，所有接到邀请的人都来参加婚礼了，都穿得很体面。就我所知，花费不是小数目，这也是当时大家有目共睹的。首先是坐在我旁边的安东尼奥——他的衣服应该是借钱做的。我看到了西尔维奥·索拉拉，他体格强壮，穿着黑色的衣服，站在新郎旁边，手腕上金光闪闪。我看到了他的妻子曼努埃拉，她穿金戴银，一身粉色的衣服，站在新娘身边。大家用来装扮的钱，都是从索拉拉夫妇那里借的，堂·阿奇勒死了之后，整个城区的人要借钱，他们都要找这个男人——他的脸是青紫色的，蓝色眼睛，鬓角很秃；还有那个消瘦的女人，她鼻子很长，嘴唇很薄（说得更具体一点，是曼努埃拉在进行具体的操作，她有一个红皮的登记本，上面写着借钱的数目、到期的时间，那是大家都熟知、害怕的账本）。莉拉的婚礼，不仅仅对于花店老板、摄影师是一桩好事，对于这对夫妇来说，尤其是一件好事，除了放债之外，他们还供应了蛋糕和喜糖。
As for Rino, while the
construction worker and the fruit and vegetable seller stood at the back of
the church, like sentinels for the success of the ceremony, he, the brother
of the bride, breaking the order of family ranks, had gone to sit next to
Pinuccia, on the side of the bridegroom’s relatives, and he, too, was perfect
in his new suit, Cerullo shoes on his feet, as shiny as his brilliantined
hair. What a display! It was clear that no one who had received an invitation
wanted to miss it, and they came dressed like grand ladies and gentlemen,
something that, as far as I knew, as far as everyone knew, meant that not a
few—perhaps first of all Antonio, who was sitting next to me—had had to
borrow money. Then I looked at Silvio Solara, a large man in a dark suit,
standing next to the bridegroom, with a lot of gold glittering on his wrists.
I looked at his wife, Manuela, dressed in pink, and loaded down with jewels,
who stood beside the bride. The money for the display came from them. With
Don Achille dead, it was that man with his purple complexion and blue eyes,
bald at the temples, and that lean woman, with a long nose and thin lips, who
lent money to the whole neighborhood (or, to be precise, Manuela managed the
practical side: famous and feared was the ledger book with the red cover in
which she put down figures, due dates). Lila’s wedding was an affair not only
for the florist, not only for the photographer, but, above all, for that
couple, who had also provided the cake, and the favors.
我发现，莉拉从来都不用正眼瞧他们。她也不看斯特凡诺，只是盯着神父。我想，从背后来看，他们不是很登对。莉拉个子很高，斯特凡诺没莉拉高；莉拉光芒四射，引人注目，但他好像一个黯淡的小人儿；莉拉非常专注，就好像要努力搞清楚那个仪式的深层含义，而斯特凡诺时不时转身看着他母亲，或者对西尔维奥·索拉拉微笑一下，轻轻挠一下脑袋。我忽然非常担心，斯特凡诺本质上是不是和他表现出来的不一样？但出于两个原因我没有细想：首先，新娘新郎两个人都非常坚决干脆地说了“我愿意”。他们都表现得很激动，他们交换了戒指，接吻。莉拉真的结婚了，我必须接受这个事实；还有一个原因就是，我不再关注新郎新娘，我忽然发现自己看到了所有人，唯独没看到阿方索，我用目光在新郎和新娘的亲戚队伍里搜寻他，最后我看到他在教堂最后面、在一根柱子后面。我给他做了个手势，他看到我，就向我走了过来，身后跟着盛装的玛丽莎·萨拉托雷，很快尼诺也出现了，他又瘦又高，手放在口袋里，头发乱蓬蓬的，身上穿着上学时穿的衣服。
Lila, I realized, never looked at them.
She didn’t even turn toward Stefano, she stared only at the priest. I thought
that, seen like that, from behind, they were not a handsome couple. Lila was
taller, he shorter. Lila gave off an energy that couldn’t be ignored, he
seemed a faded little man. Lila seemed extremely absorbed, as if she were
obliged to understand fully what that ritual truly signified, he instead
turned every so often toward his mother or exchanged a smile with Silvio
Solara or scratched his head. At one point I was seized by anxiety. I
thought: and if Stefano really isn’t what he seems? But I didn’t follow that
thought to the end for two reasons. First of all, the bride and groom said
yes clearly, decisively, amid the general commotion: they exchanged rings,
they kissed, I had to understand that Lila was really married. And then
suddenly I stopped paying attention to the bride and groom. I realized that I
had seen everyone except Alfonso, I looked for him among the relatives of the
bridegroom, among those of the bride, and found him at the back of the
church, almost hidden by a pillar. But behind him appeared in full splendor
Marisa Sarratore. And right behind her, lanky, disheveled, hands in his
pockets, in the rumpled jacket and pants he wore to school, was Nino.
59
一群人簇拥在新娘新郎身边，他们从教堂里出去，乐队吹奏着音乐，摄影师的闪光灯伴随着他们。莉拉和斯特凡诺停在了教堂前面的空地上，亲戚朋友围过来吻他们，拥抱他们。周围还有乱糟糟的汽车、焦急等待着的亲友，还有其他人——尽管没有血缘关系，但他们更重要，更受尊敬，他们穿戴更阔气，那些太太戴着样式奇特的帽子。那些重要客人很快坐上汽车，被拉到了贺拉斯街上的餐馆。
There was a confused crowding around the
newlyweds, who came out of the church accompanied by the vibrant sounds of
the organ, the flashes of the photographer. Lila and Stefano stood in the
church square amid kisses, embraces, the chaos of the cars and the
nervousness of the relatives who were left waiting, while others, not even
blood relations—but perhaps more important, more loved, more richly dressed,
ladies with especially elegant hats?—were loaded immediately into cars and
driven to Via Orazio, to the restaurant.
阿方索的穿戴可真周正啊！我从来都没见过他穿深色西装、白衬衣，打着领带的样子，这和平时他在学校的朴素着装，还有在肉食店里穿着白大褂的样子完全不同。他那时候十六岁了，我觉得他看起来比实际年龄要大，好像忽然间，他的身体发育得和他哥哥斯特凡诺完全不一样了。他更高更瘦，我觉得他长得像那时我在电视上看到的一个西班牙芭蕾舞演员：眼睛很大，嘴唇很厚实，还没有一丝胡子。很明显，玛丽莎一下击中了他的软肋，他们的关系更进了一步，在我不知道的情况下，他们应该已经见过面了。尽管阿方索非常关注我，但他还是被玛丽莎波浪一样的长发、被她的能言善语征服了吗？他那么害羞，她的善谈能填满他们对话的空白吗？他们俩在一起了吗？这一点我表示怀疑，如果在一起了，那阿方索会告诉我的。但很明显，他们的关系发展到了一定程度，以至于阿方索邀请她来参加哥哥的婚礼。而她呢，为了获得父母的准许，把尼诺也强行拉来了。
Alfonso was all dressed up. I had never
seen him in a dark suit, white shirt, tie. Outside of his modest school
clothes, outside of the grocery apron, he seemed to me not only older than
his sixteen years but suddenly—I thought—physically different from his
brother Stefano. He was taller now, slender, and was handsome, like a Spanish
dancer I had seen on television, with large eyes, full lips, still no trace
of a beard. Marisa had evidently stuck with him, their relationship had
developed, they must have been seeing each other without my realizing it. Had
Alfonso, however devoted to me, been won over by Marisa’s curls and her
unstoppable chatter, which exempted him, who was so shy, from filling the
gaps in conversation? Were they together officially? I doubted it, he would
have told me. But things were clearly going well, since he had invited her to
his brother’s wedding. And she, surely in order to get her parents’
permission, had dragged Nino along.
现在他们都在那里，在教堂门口的空地上。尼诺·萨拉托雷身上穿着皱巴巴的衣服，个子太高，太瘦，头发太长太乱，他手放在裤子口袋里，与周围的环境格格不入，一脸不知所措的样子，他也像其他人一样看着新娘新郎，但没表现出任何兴趣，那只是因为他不知道该看什么。他的出现出乎我的意料，让我非常慌乱。我们在教堂里相互打了个招呼，很小声。“嗨！”“嗨！”尼诺打完招呼后，就和他妹妹还有阿方索待在一起。安东尼奥紧紧拉着我的一条胳膊，但我很快摆脱了他。最后我和艾达、梅丽娜、帕斯卡莱、卡梅拉，还有恩佐待在一起。在乱糟糟的人群中，新娘新郎坐上了一辆白色的宽敞汽车，他们和摄影师还有他的助理一起离开去纪念公园照相。我忽然担心安东尼奥的母亲认出尼诺，她可能会从他脸上的轮廓看到多纳托的影子，但这种担心是多余的。莉拉的母亲农齐亚把疯疯癫癫的梅丽娜拉到自己身边，她和艾达，还有几个小孩子上了一辆汽车一起走了。
So there he was, in the church square,
the young Sarratore, completely out of place in his shabby old clothes, too
tall, too thin, hair too long and uncombed, hands sunk too deep in the
pockets of his trousers, wearing the expression of one who doesn’t know what
to do with himself, his eyes on the newlyweds like everyone else’s, but
without interest, only to rest them somewhere. That unexpected presence added
greatly to the emotional disorder of the day. We greeted each other in the
church, a whisper and that was it, hello, hello. Nino had followed his sister
and Alfonso, I had been grabbed firmly by the arm by Antonio and, although I
immediately freed myself, had still ended up in the company of Ada, Melina,
Pasquale, Carmela, Enzo. Now, in the uproar, while the newlyweds got into a
big white car with the photographer and his assistant, to go and have
pictures taken at the Parco della Rimembranza, I became anxious that
Antonio’s mother would recognize Nino, that she would read in his face some
feature of Donato’s. It was a needless worry. Lila’s mother, Nunzia, led that
addled woman, along with Ada and the smaller children, to a car and they
drove away.
实际上，没人认出尼诺来，就连吉耀拉都没认出他来，卡梅拉、恩佐也没认出来。他们也没发现玛丽莎，尽管她还保留了一些孩童时期的特征，没有人注意到萨拉托雷兄妹。这时候，安东尼奥把我推到帕斯卡莱的老汽车上，我们和卡梅拉还有恩佐坐在一起。我一个劲儿地问：“我父母在哪儿呢？希望有人能照顾他们。”恩佐回答说，他看到他们已经上了一辆车，总之我找不到别的借口留下，我们出发了。尼诺还是满脸茫然地站在教堂门口，阿方索和玛丽莎说话，我只来得及瞥他们一眼，车就开走了。
In fact no one recognized Nino, not even
Gigliola, not even Carmela, not even Enzo. Nor did they notice Marisa,
although her features still resembled those of the girl she had been. The two
Sarratores, for the moment, passed completely unobserved. And meanwhile
Antonio was pushing me toward Pasquale’s old car, and Carmela and Enzo got in
with us, and we were about to leave, and all I could say was, “Where are my
parents? I hope someone is taking care of them.” Enzo said that he had seen
them in some car, and so there was nothing to do, we left, and I barely had
time to glance at Nino, standing in the church square, in a daze, while
Alfonso and Marisa were talking to each other. Then I lost him.
我变得很焦虑，安东尼奥对我的情绪变化很敏感，他在我耳边轻声问：“你怎么了？”
I became nervous. Antonio, sensitive to
my every change of mood, whispered, “What is it?”
“没事。”
“Nothing.”
“什么事让你不舒服了？”
“Did something upset you?”
“没事。”
“No.”
卡梅拉笑着说：“她看到莉娜结婚了，也想结婚了，不耐烦了。”
Carmela laughed. “She’s annoyed that Lina
is married and she’d like to get married, too.”
“难道你不想结婚吗？”恩佐问。
“Why, wouldn’t you like to?” Enzo asked.
“我啊，如果可以，我明天结婚都行。”
“If it were up to me, I’d get married
tomorrow.”
“和谁啊？”
“Who to?”
“我知道和谁！”
“I know who.”
“闭嘴！”帕斯卡莱说，“没人会娶你。”
“Shut up,” Pasquale said, “no one would
have you.”
我们向海边驶去，帕斯卡莱车开得很猛，安东尼奥把他的车子改装了，他开起来像开跑车一样。汽车轰鸣着一路飞奔，全然不顾路上坑坑洼洼，非常颠簸。他很快就赶上了他前面的车子，又迅速超过它们，好像要撞上一样，在撞上之前马上刹车，迅速打方向盘超过那些车子。我们几个女孩子发出惊恐的叫喊，非常生气地让他小心点，他笑了起来，更加嚣张了。安东尼奥和恩佐连眼睛眨都不眨一下，他们会说几句恶毒的话，骂那些开得很慢的人，他们把车窗摇了下来，当帕斯卡莱超车时，他们会喊几句脏话。
We went down toward the Marina, Pasquale
was a ferocious driver. Antonio had fixed up the car for him so that it drove
like a race car. He sped along, making a racket and ignoring the jolts caused
by the bumpy streets. He would speed toward the cars ahead of him as if he
wanted to go through them, stop a few inches before hitting them, turn the
wheel abruptly, pass. We girls cried out in terror or uttered indignant
instructions that made him laugh and inspired him to do still worse. Antonio
and Enzo didn’t blink, at most they made vulgar comments about the slow
drivers, lowered the windows, and, as Pasquale sped past, shouted insults.
在开向贺拉斯街的那段路上，我开始明显地感觉到，自己和其他人格格不入，这让我很不开心。我和那些孩子一起长大，我觉得他们的做法非常正常，他们充满暴力的语言也属于我的世界，但我的日常生活却走上了另外一条道路。已经有六年了，我所经历的生活是他们所不了解的，我在这条道路上一帆风顺，所向无敌。和他们在一起，我平时学的东西一点也用不上，我必须克制自己、降低我自己来适应他们。学校的那些事情，我不得不放在括号里，有时候拿出来震慑他们一下。在那辆车里，我想我到底在干什么？车里是我的朋友，当然还有我的男朋友，我们正要去参加莉拉的婚宴，但正是那场婚宴，使莉拉——唯一一个我感觉和我有共同语言的人，虽然我们的生活全然不同——不再属于我们。没有她，我和这些年轻人之间的联系，我和这辆奔驰的汽车之间的联系都消失了。我为什么没和阿方索在一起？我知道，我和他的情况一样，我们都会逃离这里。特别是，我为什么没有停下来，让尼诺留下来参加婚宴，问他那本刊登了我的文章的杂志什么时候出来，和他交谈，创造一个空间，让自己远离帕斯卡莱的开车方式，远离他的粗俗，远离卡梅拉和恩佐的粗鲁的言谈，以及安东尼奥的庸俗和暴戾。
It was during that journey to Via Orazio
that I began to be made unhappy by my own alienness. I had grown up with
those boys, I considered their behavior normal, their violent language was
mine. But for six years now I had also been following daily a path that they
were completely ignorant of and in the end I had confronted it brilliantly.
With them I couldn’t use any of what I learned every day, I had to suppress
myself, in some way diminish myself. What I was in school I was there obliged
to put aside or use treacherously, to intimidate them. I asked myself what I
was doing in that car. They were my friends, of course, my boyfriend was
there, we were going to Lila’s wedding celebration. But that very celebration
confirmed that Lila, the only person I still felt was essential even though
our lives had diverged, no longer belonged to us and, without her, every
intermediary between me and those youths, that car racing through the
streets, was gone. Why then wasn’t I with Alfonso, with whom I shared both
origin and flight? Why, above all, hadn’t I stopped to say to Nino, Stay,
come to the reception, tell me when the magazine with my article’s coming
out, let’s talk, let’s dig ourselves a cave that can protect us from
Pasquale’s driving, from his vulgarity, from the violent tones of Carmela and
Enzo, and also—yes, also—of Antonio?
60
我们是最先一批到达餐厅的年轻人，这让我的心情更加恶劣。西尔维奥和曼努埃拉·索拉拉已经和佛罗伦萨来的古董商夫妇坐在一起，斯特凡诺的母亲也到了。莉拉的父母和其他亲戚一起坐在一张长桌前，我的父母、梅丽娜、艾达和他们在一起。艾达一看见安东尼奥，就愤怒地对着他招手。乐队也在做准备，几个乐手在试乐器，歌手在试麦克风。我们有些尴尬地转悠，不知道应该坐在哪里，我们中间没人有勇气问服务员，安东尼奥紧紧挨着我，想逗我乐。
We were the first young people to enter
the reception room. My bad mood got worse. Silvio and Manuela Solara were
already at their table, along with the metal merchant, his Florentine wife,
Stefano’s mother. Lila’s parents were also at a long table with other
relatives, my parents, Melina, Ada, who was furious and greeted Antonio
angrily. The band was taking its place, the musicians tuning their
instruments, the singer at the microphone. We wandered around embarrassed. We
didn’t know where to sit, none of us dared ask the waiters, Antonio clung to
me, trying to divert me.
我母亲叫我，我假装没有听到。她又叫了我几声，我还是没有回答。这时候，她站起来一瘸一拐地走向我。她想让我坐在她旁边，我拒绝了。她恶狠狠地说：“为什么梅丽娜的儿子一直围着你转？”
My mother called me, I pretended not to
hear. She called me again and I didn’t answer. Then she got up, came over to
me with her limping gait. She wanted me to sit next to her. I refused. She
whispered, “Why is Melina’s son always around you?”
“妈，没人围着我转。”
“No one is around me, Ma.”
“你以为我是傻子啊？”
“Do you think I’m an idiot?”
“不是。”
“No.”
“你过来坐在我身边。”
“Come and sit next to me.”
“不！”
“No.”
“我告诉你，赶紧过来。我们供你读书，不是让你被一个工人给毁了，而且他妈妈还是疯子。”
“I told you come. We’re not sending you
to school to let you ruin yourself with an auto mechanic who has a crazy
mother.”
她怒不可遏，我顺从了她的意愿。其他年轻人也慢慢到了，都是斯特凡诺的朋友。在那群人中，我看到了吉耀拉，她示意我过去，但我母亲扯着我。帕斯卡莱、卡梅拉、恩佐、安东尼奥最后和吉耀拉坐在一起了。艾达终于摆脱了她母亲，把她托付给了农齐亚。艾达过来在我耳边说：“过来吧。”我想站起来，但母亲非常愤怒地拉住了我的一条胳膊。艾达满脸遗憾，跑去坐到了她哥哥安东尼奥的身旁。安东尼奥时不时看着我，我给他做手势，眼睛看着天花板，意思是我走不开。
I did what she said; she was furious.
Other young people began arriving, all friends of Stefano. Among them I saw
Gigliola, who nodded to me to join them. My mother restrained me. Pasquale,
Carmela, Enzo, Antonio finally sat down with Gigliola’s group. Ada, who had
succeeded in getting rid of her mother by entrusting her to Nunzia, stopped
to whisper in my ear, saying, “Come.” I tried to get up but my mother grabbed
my arm angrily. Ada made a face and went to sit next to her brother, who
every so often looked at me, while I signaled to him, raising my eyes to the
ceiling, that I was a prisoner.
乐队开始演奏，那个歌手大约四十多岁，几乎秃顶了，但脸上的线条很精致，他哼了几句歌词试音。其他客人也到了，整个大厅挤满了人，大家都看起来很饿，但要等新娘新郎来。我试着站起身，我母亲恶狠狠地对我说：
The band began to play. The singer, who was around forty, and nearly bald, with very delicate features, hummed something as a test. Other guests arrived, the room grew crowded. None of the guests disguised their hunger, but naturally we had to wait for the newlyweds. I tried again to get up and my mother whispered,
“你要待在我身边。”
“You are going to stay near me.”
待在她身边，我看着她的愤怒，她蛮横的做法，我想她真是没有意识到自己前后矛盾。她本来不想让我上学，但我已经上学了，她就认为我是和我一起长大的那帮孩子中最出色的，她就认定，在当时的情况下我不能和他们坐在一起。她强迫我和她待在一起，我不知道在她的眼里，安东尼奥代表着什么样的危险？像充满暴风雨的大海，或者说漩涡和激流？但我和她在一起，就意味着停留在她的那个世界，变得和她一样。假如我最后变得和她一样，我不找一个像安东尼奥这样的男人，那我还能找谁呢？
Near her. I thought how contradictory she
was, without realizing it, with her rages, with those imperious gestures. She
hadn’t wanted me to go to school, but now that I was going to school she
considered me better than the boys I had grown up with, and she understood,
as I myself now did, that my place was not among them. Yet here she was
insisting that I stay with her, to keep me from who knows what stormy sea,
from who knows what abyss or precipice, all dangers that at that moment were
represented in her eyes by Antonio. But staying near her meant staying in her
world, becoming completely like her. And if I became like her, who would be
right for me if not Antonio?
这时候，新娘新郎进来了，大家都热烈地鼓起掌来，乐队马上开始演奏婚礼进行曲。我待在我母亲身边，和她贴得很近，那种格格不入的感觉越来越强烈。整个小区的人都来庆祝莉拉的婚礼，她看起来很幸福，很优雅地微笑着，显得非常文雅。她和丈夫手拉着手，简直太美了。我从小都紧盯着她——她走路的方式、她的身体，就是为了躲过我母亲对我的影响。我错了，莉拉还是留在了那里，她受制于那个世界的生活方式，并认为自己已经获得了最好的安置，那个年轻男人是她在这个世界里最好的选择。那场婚礼，对于里诺和她父亲的制鞋生意也是最好的道路。她的生活和我的求学之路，已经没有任何共同之处了。忽然间，我觉得非常孤单。
Meanwhile the newlyweds entered, to
enthusiastic applause. The band started immediately, with the marriage
processional. I was indissolubly welded to my mother, to her body, the
alienness that was expanding inside me. Here was Lila celebrated by the neighborhood,
she seemed happy. She smiled, elegant, courteous, her hand in her husband’s.
She was very beautiful. As a child I had looked to her, to her progress, to
learn how to escape my mother. I had been mistaken. Lila had remained there,
chained in a glaring way to that world, from which she imagined she had taken
the best. And the best was that young man, that marriage, that celebration,
the game of shoes for Rino and her father. Nothing that had to do with my
path as a student. I felt completely alone.
大家嚷嚷着，让两个新人先跳了一场舞，他们在闪光灯下在大厅里旋转，动作非常标准。我要采取行动从我母亲的世界里逃离出来，虽然即便莉拉也没能从那个世界中逃离出去，但我必须做到，不能再这样逆来顺受。我应该把莉拉从我的生活中抹去，就像奥利维耶罗老师来我们家里要求我做的那样，她是为了我好。我母亲拉着我的一条胳膊，我应该无视她，我要想到自己在意大利语、拉丁语和希腊语方面是最好的，我要记住，我的一篇文章会发表在一份杂志上，有一个非常英俊、优秀的高三男生也给那份杂志写稿。
The newlyweds were obliged to dance amid
the flashes of the photographer. They spun through the room, precise in their
movements. I should take note, I thought: not even Lila, in spite of
everything, has managed to escape from my mother’s world. I have to, I can’t
be acquiescent any longer. I have to eliminate her, as Maestra Oliviero had
been able to do when she arrived at our house to impose on her what was good
for me. She was restraining me by one arm but I had to ignore her, remember
that I was the best in Italian, Latin, and Greek, remember that I had
confronted the religion teacher, remember that an article would appear with
my signature in the same journal in which a handsome, clever boy in his last
year of high school wrote.
尼诺·萨拉托雷这时候走进了餐厅，在看到阿方索和玛丽莎之前，我先看到了他。一看到他我就马上站了起来。我母亲拉住了我的裙子，但我一下子就甩开了她。安东尼奥一直在盯着我看，他的脸上放晴了，向我投来了邀请的目光。这时候，莉拉和斯特凡诺正走向放在餐厅中间的位子，那张桌子前坐着索拉拉夫妇，还有佛罗伦萨来的古董商夫妇。我离开他们，走向了门口，朝着阿方索、玛丽莎和尼诺的方向走去。
At that moment Nino Sarratore entered. I
saw him before I saw Alfonso and Marisa, I saw him and jumped up. My mother
tried to hold me by the hem of my dress and I pulled the dress away. Antonio,
who hadn’t let me out of his sight, brightened, threw me a glance of
invitation. But I, moving away from Lila and Stefano, who were now going to
take their place in the middle of the table, between the Solaras and the
couple from Florence, headed straight toward the entrance, toward Alfonso,
Marisa, Nino.
61
我们找到了坐的地方，我和阿方索、玛丽莎寒暄，希望尼诺能主动找我聊天。这时候，安东尼奥从我身后走了过来，他弯下腰，在我耳边说：
We found a seat. I made general
conversation with Alfonso and Marisa, and I hoped that Nino would say
something to me. Meanwhile Antonio came up behind me, leaned over, and
whispered in my ear.
“我给你占了个位子。”
“I’ve kept a place for you.”
我低声说：“你走吧，我母亲已经发现了。”
I whispered, “Go away, my mother has
understood everything.”
他很忐忑地看看周围，有些羞怯，又回到了自己的位子上。
He looked around uncertainly, very
intimidated. He returned to his table.
餐厅里响起一阵不满的嘀咕声，那些心怀怨气的客人马上提出抗议，他们说各个桌子上的酒不一样，而且有的桌子已经上了第一道菜，有的桌子开胃菜还没上。已经有人开始大声嚷嚷，说新郎亲戚坐的桌子和服务要比新娘那边要好。我感觉到了那种紧张、激愤的气氛。我打起精神，把尼诺扯进了我们的对话中，让他给我讲讲他那篇关于那不勒斯贫穷落后的文章。我的目的是等他说完之后，我自然而然地提到下期杂志和我那篇短短的文章。他马上就说起了这个城市的状况，讲得非常有意思，有很多信息。他肯定的语气很吸引我，在伊斯基亚时，他还是一个内心不安的少年，但现在我觉得他变得过于成熟：作为一个十八岁的男孩，他没有像帕斯卡莱那样用一种非常悲痛的语气谈论这里普遍悲惨贫穷的生活。尼诺的语气很冷静，谈的一些具体的事实和数据，他是怎么做到的呢？
There was a noise of discontent in the
room. The more rancorous guests had immediately begun to notice the things
that weren’t right. The wine wasn’t the same quality for all the tables. Some
were already on the first course when others still hadn’t been served their
antipasto. Some were saying aloud that the service was better where the
relatives and friends of the bridegroom were sitting than where the relatives
and friends of the bride were. I hated those conflicts, their mounting
clamor. Boldly I drew Nino into the conversation, asking him to tell me about
his article on poverty in Naples, thinking I would ask him afterward,
naturally, for news of the next issue of the journal and my half page. He
started off with really interesting and informed talk on the state of the
city. His assurance struck me. In Ischia he had still had the features of the
tormented boy, now he seemed to me almost too grown-up. How was it possible
that a boy of eighteen could speak not generically, in sorrowful accents, about
poverty, the way Pasquale did, but concretely, impersonally, citing precise
facts.
“你是从哪里学到这些的。”
“Where did you learn those things?”
“读到的。”
“You just have to read.”
“读什么？”
“What?”
“谈论这些问题的报纸、杂志还有书籍。”
“Newspapers, journals, the books that
deal with these problems.”
我从来都没有翻阅过任何一份报纸或者杂志，我只读小说。莉拉也一样，在她读书的那段时间，除了流动图书馆那些破旧的小说之外，她其他什么书都没有看。我已经太落后了，尼诺可以帮助我，弥补我所不知道的领域。
I had never even leafed through a
newspaper or a magazine, I read only novels. Lila herself, in the time when
she read, had never read anything but the dog-eared old novels of the
circulating library. I was behind in everything, Nino could help me make up
ground.
我的问题越来越多，他在回答。但在回答我的问题时，他不像莉拉那么犀利，他没有莉拉的那种本领，可以把任何事情都讲得很吸引人。在谈论问题时，他采用的语气是学者式的，充满了具体的实例。我的每个问题都会推动他滔滔不绝，他一直说个不停，没有任何修饰，也没有讽刺，只是很尖锐生硬。阿方索和玛丽莎很快就觉得被孤立了。玛丽莎说：“天啊，我哥真是乏味！”她和阿方索聊了起来。我和尼诺也单独聊了起来，我们感觉不到发生在周围的事情：我们不知道放在盘子里的是什么，我们不知道自己在吃什么、喝什么。我在努力寻找想要问他的问题，很专注地倾听他滔滔不绝。我很快就感到，他谈论的事情都是围绕一条主线进行的，他的每句话都围绕着一个核心：要拒绝那些晦涩的句子，需要明确地指出问题，提出一个可行的解决方案，然后介入。
I began to ask more and more questions,
he answered. He answered, yes, but he didn’t give instant answers, the way
Lila did, he didn’t have her capacity to make everything fascinating. He
constructed speeches with the attitude of a scholar, full of concrete
examples, and every one of my questions was a small push that set off a
landslide: he spoke without stopping, without embellishment, without any
irony, harsh, cutting. Alfonso and Marisa soon felt isolated. Marisa said,
“Goodness, what a bore my brother is.” And they began to talk to each other.
Nino and I also were isolated. We no longer heard what was happening around
us: we didn’t know what was served on the plates, what we ate or drank. I
struggled to find questions, I listened closely to his endless answers. I
quickly grasped, however, that a single fixed idea constituted the thread of
his conversation and animated every sentence: the rejection of vague words,
the necessity of distinguishing problems clearly, hypothesizing practical
solutions, intervention.
我一直在点头，说我同意他说的话。在他谈到文学时，我有一丝忐忑。他说：“那些都是放烟雾弹的人。”他皱着眉头，重复了两三次，说文学家——那些放烟雾弹的人是他的敌人，“他们写小说，我很乐意读，但如果要真正改变现实，那是另外一回事儿。”实际上，按照我的理解，他用“文学”这个词来反对那些腐蚀人们头脑的人，他说文学都是无用的闲谈。对于我提出的微弱反对，他这样回答：“有太多糟糕的骑士小说了，莱诺！他们塑造了一个堂吉诃德，我们很尊敬堂吉诃德，但在那不勒斯，我们不需要他，我们不需要和风车作战，那只是白费力气，我们需要了解风车的运作方式，并且能让风车发挥作用的人。”
I kept nodding yes, I declared myself in agreement on everything. I assumed a puzzled expression only when he spoke ill of literature. “If they want to be windbags,” he repeated two or three times, very angry at his enemies, that is to say anyone who was a windbag, “let them write novels, I’ll read them willingly; but if you really want to change things, then it’s a different matter.” In reality—I seemed to understand—he used the word “literature” to be critical of anyone who ruined people’s minds by means of what he called idle chatter. When I protested weakly, for example, he answered like this: “Too many bad gallant novels, Lenù, make a Don Quixote; but here in Naples we, with all due respect to Don Quixote, have no need to tilt against windmills, it’s only wasted courage: we need people who know how the mills work and will make them work.”
很快，我希望自己每天能和这种水平的男生进行讨论：在他身上，我犯了多少错误啊！我那么渴望他，爱他，但却一直回避他，这是多么愚蠢的做法啊！那是他父亲的错，但也是我的错。我那么全身心地排斥我母亲，但却让他父亲丑陋的影子投射在儿子身上？我后悔了，我庆幸自己能及时醒悟过来，也后悔自己沉浸在那个小说的世界里。这时候，餐厅里充满了嘈杂的音乐和人声，我不得不抬高嗓门和他说话，他也大声地对我说话。有几次，我向莉拉坐的那桌看去：她在笑，在吃东西，聊天，她根本都不知道我坐在哪里、在和谁说话。
In a short while I wished I could talk every day to a boy on that level: how many mistakes I had made with him; what foolishness it had been to want him, love him, and yet always avoid him. His father’s fault. But also my fault: I—I who was so upset by my mother—I had let the father throw his ugly shadow over the son? I repented, I reveled in my repentance, in the novel I felt myself immersed in. Meanwhile I often raised my voice to be heard over the clamor of the room, the music, and so did he. From time to time I looked at Lila’s table: she laughed, she ate, she talked, she didn’t realize where I was, the person I was talking to.
有很少几次，我向安东尼奥坐的那桌望去，我很担心他会叫我过去，但我看到他看我的目光有些气愤，我感觉很好。我想：没办法，只能这样，我已经决定明天和他分手。我不能继续和他在一起，我们的差别太大了。
Rarely, however, did I look toward Antonio’s table, I was afraid he would make me a sign to join him. But I felt that he kept his eyes on me, that he was nervous, getting angry. Never mind, I thought, I’ve already decided, I’ll break up tomorrow: I can’t go on with him, we’re too different.
当然，他很欣赏我，他对我全身心地投入，就像小狗一样忠诚。尼诺对我说话的样子，让我觉得他很迷人，没有任何从属的感觉。他向我展示了他的未来，以及他的思想根基。我听他说话，感觉我的头脑被点亮了，就像曾经的莉拉对我的启发一样，他对我说的话能帮助我成长。他会把我从我母亲的世界里拉出来，他自己也在全力摆脱他父亲的影响。
Of course, he adored me, he was entirely
devoted to me, but like a dog. I was dazzled instead by the way Nino talked
to me: without any subservience. He set out his future, the ideas on the
basis of which he would build it. To listen to him lighted up my mind almost
the way Lila once had. His devotion to me made me grow. He, yes, he would
take me away from my mother, he who wanted only to leave his father.
我感觉到有人在碰我的肩膀，又是安东尼奥。他阴着脸说：“我们跳舞吧。”
I felt someone touch my shoulder, it was
Antonio again. He said, “Let’s dance.”
我小声说：“我母亲不答应。”
“My mother doesn’t want me to,” I
whispered.
他语气有些焦虑，大声反驳说：“大家都在跳舞，有什么问题吗？”
He replied, tensely, “Everyone’s dancing,
what’s the problem?”
我对尼诺露出了一个尴尬的微笑，他很清楚地知道，安东尼奥是我的男朋友。他很严肃地看了我一眼，开始和阿方索聊天。我去跳舞了。
I half-smiled at Nino, embarrassed, he
knew that Antonio was my boyfriend. He looked at me seriously, he turned to
Alfonso. I left.
“你不要强迫我。”
“Don’t hold me close.”
“我没有强迫你！”
“I’m not holding you close.”
餐厅里人声鼎沸，充满着欢乐的气氛，所有人都在跳舞，年轻人、小孩子和中老年人，但我能感觉到这欢庆的表层下真实的东西。新娘的亲戚都满脸不快，他们都在吵吵嚷嚷，尤其是女人们。为了买礼物，筹备身上的衣服，她们花了很多钱。她们借钱充门面，现在却被像叫花子一样对待：劣质葡萄酒，上菜慢得让人无法容忍。为什么莉拉没有介入呢？为什么她没有在斯特凡诺面前抗议呢？我了解她们——出于对莉拉的爱，她们会克制自己的愤怒。但婚宴结束之后，莉拉会去换衣服，当她穿着旅行的衣裳回来、分发喜糖包，当她穿得漂漂亮亮和她的丈夫离开之后，就会爆发出一场前所未有的争吵，会催生持续好几个月，甚至好几年的仇恨，那些报复和辱骂会把她们的丈夫和儿子也卷进来，他们会向母亲、姐妹还有祖母展示自己是真正的男人。我了解这里的所有人、所有的男男女女，我看到那些小伙子用仇恨的目光看着那个歌手和乐队的乐手，因为他们用一种暧昧的目光看了自己的女朋友。我看到恩佐和卡梅拉跳舞时的说话方式，看到帕斯卡莱和艾达坐在桌子前：很明显，在这场婚礼结束之后，他们会在一起，很快就会订婚，极有可能经过一年半载，他们也会结婚。我看到里诺和皮诺奇娅：他们可能会更快一些，假如“赛鲁罗”制鞋坊能真正启动起来，最多过一年，会举行另一场婚礼，和莉拉的婚礼一样排场。他们一起跳舞，四目对视，紧紧地拥抱着。爱情和利益，肉食店和制鞋厂，老楼房和新楼房。我就像他们一样吗？我还像他们一样吗？
There was a loud din, a drunken gaiety.
Young people, adults, children were dancing. But I could feel the reality
behind the appearance of festivity. The distorted faces of the bride’s
relatives signaled a quarrelsome discontent. Especially the women. They had
spent their last cent for the gift, for what they were wearing, had gone into
debt, and now they were treated like poor relations, with bad wine,
intolerable delays in service? Why didn’t Lila intervene, why didn’t she
protest to Stefano? I knew them. They would restrain their rage for love of
Lila but at the end of the reception, when she went to change, when she came
back, dressed in her beautiful traveling clothes, when she handed out the
wedding favors, when she had left, with her husband, then a huge fight would
erupt, and it would be the start of hatreds lasting months, years, and
offenses and insults that would involve husbands, sons, all with an
obligation to prove to mothers and sisters and grandmothers that they knew
how to be men. I knew all the women, the men. I saw the gazes of the young
men turned fiercely to the singer, to the musicians who looked insultingly at
their girlfriends or made allusive remarks to one another. I saw how Enzo and
Carmela talked while they danced, I saw also Pasquale and Ada sitting at the
table: it was clear that before the end of the party they would be together
and then they would be engaged and in all probability in a year, in ten, they
would marry. I saw Rino and Pinuccia. In their case everything would happen
more quickly: if the Cerullo shoe factory seriously got going, in a year at
most they would have a wedding celebration no less ostentatious than this.
They danced, they looked into each other’s eyes, they held each other
closely. Love and interest. Grocery plus shoes. Old houses plus new houses.
Was I like them? Was I still?
“那人是谁？”安东尼奥问我。
“Who’s that?” Antonio asked.
“还能是谁？你没认出他来吗？”
“Who do you think? You don’t recognize
him?”
“没有。”
“No.”
“他是萨拉托雷的大儿子尼诺，还有玛丽莎，你记得吗？”
“It’s Nino, Sarratore’s oldest son. And
that’s Marisa, you remember her?”
他一点儿也不在乎玛丽莎是谁，他只在乎尼诺。他很暴躁地说：“你先带着我去见萨拉托雷，让他不要再来这里，然后你又和他儿子一聊好几个小时？我做了新衣服，就是为了看到你和他一起聊得那么开心吗？他连头发都没剪，连领带都没有打！”
He didn’t care at all about Marisa, about
Nino he did. He said nervously, “So first you bring me to Sarratore to
threaten him, and then you sit talking to his son for hours? I have a new
suit made so I can sit watching you amuse yourself with that kid, who doesn’t
even get a haircut, doesn’t even wear a tie?”
他把我撇在了大厅中央，快步走向了天台的玻璃门。
He left me in the middle of the room and
headed quickly toward the glass door that opened onto the terrace.
我犹豫了几秒钟，不知道是该去追安东尼奥，还是回到尼诺身边。我母亲一直注视着我，尽管她的斜眼好像在看别的地方；我父亲也注视着我，目光有些凶狠。我想：假如我回到尼诺身边，假如我没在天台上和安东尼奥会合，那就是他甩了我，最好是这样。我经过大厅时乐队还在演奏，人们还在继续跳着双人舞，我回到了自己的位子上。
For a few seconds I was uncertain what to
do. Join Antonio. Return to Nino. I had on me my mother’s gaze, even if her
wandering eye seemed to be looking elsewhere. I had on me my father’s gaze,
and it was an ugly gaze. I thought: if I go back to Nino, if I don’t join
Antonio on the terrace, it will be he who leaves me and for me it will be
better like that. I crossed the room while the band kept playing, couples
continued to dance. I sat down.
尼诺好像根本就没有注意到发生了什么。他那时正在谈论加利亚尼老师，还是那种滔滔不绝的方式，他正在和阿方索争论，捍卫加利亚尼老师，因为我知道，阿方索很讨厌加利亚尼。尼诺说，他也经常和这位女老师发生冲突——她太严厉了，但作为老师，她非常棒，她一直激励着自己，教会了他学习的能力。我也想插话，我非常迫切地想让尼诺再次接纳我，我不希望他和我同桌讨论起来，就像刚才和我讨论时一样。我想和尼诺说话，为了避免自己跑去和安东尼奥讲和，满脸泪水地对他说：“是的，你说得有道理，我不知道自己是谁，想要什么，我利用你，然后甩开你，这不是我的错，我不知道自己想干什么，原谅我吧！”我需要尼诺，需要他把我拉入他了解的事情之中、进入他的世界，认为我是他的同类，因此我几乎是抢下了他的话头。他正在努力地捡起我们之前的话题，我列出了那学期初老师借给我的书，还有给我的建议。他点了点头，有些不悦，他提到老师在前不久也借给了他一本书，是我提到的书单里的一本，他就开始谈起了那本书。但我需要更多的认可，让我能脱离安东尼奥。我忽然问他：
Nino seemed not to have taken the least
notice of what had happened. Now he was speaking in his torrential way about
Professor Galiani. He was defending her to Alfonso, who I knew detested her.
He was saying that he, too, often ended up disagreeing with her—too rigid—but
as a teacher she was extraordinary, she had always encouraged him, had
transmitted the capacity to study. I tried to enter the conversation. I felt
an urgent need to be caught up again by Nino, I didn’t want him to start
talking to my classmate exactly the way, until a moment earlier, he had been
talking to me. I needed—in order not to rush to make up with Antonio, to tell
him, in tears: yes, you’re right, I don’t know what I am and what I really
want, I use you and then I throw you away, but it’s not my fault, I feel half
and half, forgive me—Nino to draw me exclusively into the things he knew,
into his powers, to recognize me as like him. So I almost cut him off and,
while he tried to resume the interrupted conversation, I enumerated the books
that the teacher had lent me since the beginning of the year, the advice she
had given me. He nodded yes, somewhat sulkily, he remembered that the
teacher, some time earlier, had lent one of those texts to him and he began
to talk about it. But I had an increasing urgency for gratifications that
would distract me from Antonio, and I asked him, without any connection:
“那本杂志什么时候出来？”
“When will the magazine come out?”
他用一种游移的目光看着我，带着一丝不安说：
He stared at me uncertainly, slightly
apprehensive.
“已经出来了，大概两星期之前。”
“It came out a couple of weeks ago.”
我欢呼了一下，问他：“我在哪儿可以找到？”
I had a start of joy, I asked, “Where can
I find it?”
“在桂达书店里有卖，我可以帮你搞到。”
“They sell it at the Guida bookstore.
Anyway I can get it for you.”
“谢谢。”
“Thank you.”
他犹豫了一下，然后说：“你的那篇文章他们没加进去，因为没地方了。”
He hesitated, then he said, “But they
didn’t put your piece in, it turned out there wasn’t room.”
阿方索脸上马上露出了微笑，他舒了一口气说：“这样最好。”
Alfonso suddenly smiled with relief and
murmured, “Thank goodness.”