Why Soft Skills Make Strong Networks
为什么软技能可以构建强大的人脉网络
It is possible to do well, by doing good.
I’m not much of a “new-age” guy. Yet, I believe in the immense power of the Law of Reciprocity. This concept touches upon the deep-rooted psychological urge to do something nice for someone who did something nice for you.
我不是一个“新时代”的人。然而，我相信互惠法则的巨大力量。互利互惠这个概念触及了根深蒂固的心理机制——总想为对你好的人做点好事。
There is certainly value in soft skills, but if you would like to see some evidence as to why those skills work, I can tell you there’s a lot out there to support the Law of Reciprocity, starting with the Nash equilibrium theory (the acronym of which is, ironically, NET).
互利互惠这种软技能肯定有价值的，但是如果你想看到一些关于为什么有效的证据，我可以告诉你，有很多理论支持互利互惠的，先从纳什均衡理论开始（讽刺的是纳什均衡理论首字母缩写是，NET）。
黄子桉注：纳什均衡（Nash equilibrium），又称为非合作博弈均衡，是博弈论的一个重要术语，近年诺贝尔经济学奖对博弈论的发展起了促进作用，很多这方面有突破性的研究者都得过诺贝尔经济学奖。什么是纳什均衡？在一个博弈（较量）过程中，不管对方的策略选择如何，其中一方都会选择某个确定的策略（确定的思维模式），这种策略被称作支配性策略。如果两个博弈的当事人的策略组合分别构成各自的支配性策略，那么这个组合就被定义为纳什均衡。简而言之，当组织里每个人都以确定的思维模式，为了达到自己期望收益的最大值，那么这个组织就可以被称为纳什均衡。有趣的是，纳什是一位患有思觉失调症（精神病），却在博弈论和微分几何学领域潜心研究最终获得诺贝尔经济学奖的数学家。有一部电影《美丽心灵》（英语：A Beautiful Mind，香港译《有你终生美丽》，就是根据纳什的一生传奇改编的。
Nash’s equilibrium theory basically states that the best result will come when everyone in the group is doing what is best for both themselves and the group -- a form of reciprocity. The optimal outcome of a situation is one where no individual has an incentive to deviate from their chosen strategy after considering the other participant’s choices.
纳什的均衡理论基本表明，当团队中的每个人都在为自己和团体做最好的事情时，最好的结果就会到来 - 这是一种互惠的形式。最佳结果是，在考虑其他参与者的选择之后，没有个人有动机偏离他们选择的策略。
Reciprocal altruism is another form of reciprocity. It involves an equitable balance between collective altruism and personal need. Collective altruism looks at the needs of the group but doesn’t give strong consideration to the needs of the individual. Reciprocal altruism attempts to consider both.
互惠利他主义是另一种互惠形式。它涉及集体利他主义和个人需要之间的公平平衡。集体利他主义考虑了集团的需求，但没有充分考虑到个人的需求。互惠利他主义试图兼顾两者。
In early writings by Socrates and Alexis de Tocqueville on ethics and government, the concept of enlightened self-Interest was all about reciprocity. Enlightened self-interest is a philosophy which states that people who act to further the interests of others, or interests of the group or groups to which they belong, ultimately serve their own self-interest. In other words, it is possible to do well, by doing good.
在苏格拉底和亚历西斯-德-托克维尔关于道德和政府的早期著作中，开明的利己主义都是关于互惠的。开明的利己主义是一种哲学，它指出那些为了他人的利益或他们所属的群体或群体的利益而采取行动的人最终服务于他们自己的利益。换句话说，通过做好事可以做得好。
黄子桉注：1、亚历西斯-德-托克维尔是法国的古典自由主义学者。《论美国的民主》的作者。2、最后一句“ it is possible to do well, by doing good.”译作，通过做好事可以做得好。这是苏格拉底学派的基本哲学观点，意思就是如果你想成为一个好人，你去多做好事就行了。做多了你就是一个好人。好人不是想出来或者被定义的。即使你过去很坏，只要你去做好人该做的事，不做坏人的事，你就是好人。
As I grew my company BNI, I incorporated the use of the term, Givers Gain® into the lexicon of our operations from the very beginning. The underlying foundation of this term is predicated on the age-old concept of “what goes around, comes around.” But it’s more complex than that.
随着我公司BNI的成长，我从一开始就将“Givers Gain®”一词纳入了我们运营的词汇中。这个术语的根本基础是基于古老的概念“善有善报，恶有恶报”，但它比这复杂得多。
Networking is about relationship building. I have found that the best way to build a relationship with someone quickly is to help them first. If you can help someone -- and I’m not talking about selling them your product or service, I mean genuinely help them -- by giving them an introduction, information, article, really anything that serves their need, and you will begin a professional relationship with them.
人脉网络是关于建立关系的。我发现与他人建立关系的最佳方式是先帮助他们。如果你可以帮助某人 - 我不是在谈论向他们出售你的产品或服务，我的意思是真正帮助他们 - 向他们提供介绍，信息，文章，真正满足他们需要的任何东西，你将开始与他们有特殊关系。
Creating a relationship helps build trust. Trust is the cornerstone of effective networking. When you practice Givers Gain often enough, you will be on the road to building a powerful personal network predicated on trust, built through helping to serve someone else.
建立关系有助于建立信任。信任是有效人脉网络的基石。当您经常练习Givers Gain时，您将建立一个以信任为基础的强大个人网络，通过帮助为其他人服务而建立。
This concept, whatever term you choose to use, serves as a bridge between individuals and a community of people for collaboration of all kinds, and it fuels individual and professional growth – not to mention increased referrals and business.
这个意味着，无论什么条件下您选择如何，都可以作为个人和社区之间的桥梁，促进各种合作，并促进个人和专业的发展 - 更不用说增加推荐和业务。
Research has shown that social cooperation is rewarding to our brains. Cooperation increases the frequency of dopamine release within the brain. Interestingly, dopamine decreases without social cooperation. Each of the above strategies are about cooperation and collaboration, and each can increase dopamine production.
研究表明，社会合作对我们的大脑有益。合作增加了大脑内多巴胺释放的频率。有趣的是，没有社会合作，多巴胺就会减少。上述每种策略都是关于合作和协作，每种策略都可以增加多巴胺的产生。
黄子桉注：多巴胺是一种脑神经传导物质，主要负责大脑的情欲，感觉，将兴奋及开心的信息传递。与上瘾有关。要有爱情的感觉，在生物层面就需要有多巴胺参与。
Some time ago, I received an email from Amruth, a BNI member in India with a great metaphor for this philosophy. He said words to the effect of: imagine that you have two spoons, a small spoon and a large serving spoon. Which one are we using the most? The small spoon serves only us, but the large spoon allows us to serve others. The more that we all use the large spoon, the more we will all have plenty for the small spoon.
前段时间，我收到了Amruth的电子邮件，Amruth是印度的BNI成员，对这一理念有一个很好的比喻。他是这样形容的：想象你有两把勺子，一把小勺子和一把大勺子。我们使用哪一个最多？小勺子只供我们使用，但大勺子可以让我们服务他人。我们都使用大勺子越多，我们就越有能力使用小勺子。
A networking group using the large spoon for everyone creates amazing success for all. In the book Go Giver, co-written by my friend, Bob Burg, the authors say, “Your income is determined by how many people you serve and how well you serve them.”
每个人都使用大勺子的网络团队为所有人创造了惊人的成功。我朋友Bob Burg共同撰写的《Go Giver》一书中说：“你的收入取决于你服务的人数以及你为他们提供的服务（质量及类型）。”
Call it Nash’s equilibrium, reciprocal altruism, enlightened self-interest, or Givers Gain: I believe that reciprocity is about taking off your bib and putting on your apron. This kind of networking is where individuals enter, and communities emerge.
叫纳什均衡也好，叫互惠的利他主义也好，叫开明的利己利益或者Givers Gain都好：我相信，互惠就是关于脱掉你的肚兜，并穿上你的围裙。有人聚居的地方都是这样形成良好人脉网络关系的。