Guiding Questions:
️1. What does “you are always choosing”? Can you define it and give an example?
It means life is full of choices. we have to choose our values and metrics as well as how we respond to everything that happens in our daily life.
When we feel that we’re choosing our problems, we feel empowered. When we feel that our problems are being forced upon us against our will, we feel victimized and miserable.
️2. What’s the point of telling William James’s story?
We don’t always control what happens to us. But we always control how we interpret what happens to us, as well as how we respond.
️ 3. Any responsibility problems you had with your boyfriend/girlfriend or parents? If any, please tell us your story.
I once blamed my boyfriend for not making a quick message reply to me. And I was always angry with that alone. But after he explained to me. I gradually understand that it is very normal to make a late reply for we may forget to take the phone. That don't means he ignored me.
Words and expressions
1. And as the years dragged on, his father began ridiculing him for his laziness and his lack of talent.
drag on: The time pass by slowly
造句: The days dragged on and she was in despair.
2. William was the family oddball, the black sheep.
black sheep: someone who is regarded by other members of their family or group as a failure
造句: Amy has always been the black sheep of the family .
3. Some things just feel too painful for them to own up to.
own up to: to admit that you have done something wrong
造句: Do they own up to their mistakes?
4. She was never going to pop up and fix things for me.
pop up: appear in a place or situation suddenly and unexpectedly
造句: You never know what will pop up.
Reflection
Nobody else is ever responsible for your situation but you. Many people may be to blame for your unhappiness, but nobody is ever responsible for your unhappiness but you. This is because youalways get to choose how you see things, how you react to things, how you value things. You always get to choose the metric by which to measure your experiences.
I learned the hard way that if the people in your relationships are selfish and doing hurtful things, it’s likely you are too, you just don’t realize it.
感触较深的是作者提到的恋爱关系的确立是由两个价值观相似的人的一种吸引。所以，当我们埋怨自己的伴侣自私无情，实际上可能我们自己就是那样的人。这时候，一味地责怪伴侣只会让这段关系变得紧张，两人也容易疲倦，转化心态，对自己的情绪和行为负责，这样才能更好地解决问题，缓和关系。