非暴力沟通的四个重要步骤（中英双语）Four important steps of nonvoilent communication

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      在日常生活中，我们大多数人往往不注重沟通技巧，说出去的话，或许会让人不开心、甚至让人受伤害，这样的沟通是达不到沟通的目的和效果的。这种沟通都可以被定义为暴力沟通，那么什么是非暴力沟通呢？非暴力沟通是让人明白我们的意思，并且让对方感觉舒服的沟通方式。只有让对方感觉舒服了，他们才会采纳我们的意见，才能达到有效沟通的目的。

      那么怎样才能做到非暴力沟通呢？非暴力沟通包括了以下四个重要的步骤。

      第一，观察而非评论。只陈述客观事实，不使用任何带有感情色彩的词或评论。

      第二，说出感受。在陈述完事实以后，我们必须说出自己对事情的感受，让对方明白我们的感受。

      第三，说出自己的需要。我们要直接说出自己的需要，而不是通过对他人的指责、批评、评论和分析来间接的说出自己的需要。直接说出自己的需要，往往能够得到正面积极的回应。

      第四，请求。我们要告诉对方，我们希望他们做什么。并且要用非常具体的描述来提出请求，讲的越清楚，越有可能得到理想的回应。并且我们还要请求他人的反馈，看看对方是否已经理解了我们的意思。这里的请求有别于命令，一定不能让对方觉得我们在命令他们，要注意表达的语气。

      通过以上四个沟通步骤，让对方明确我们的感受和需要，明白我们的请求，达到让对方按照我们的想法去行动的目的，这样才是有效的沟通。

Communication is everywhere in our daily life. However, sometimes, we are not good at communicating with others, and tend to upset or even hurt others when talking, although we are not doing this on purpose. This kind of communication is called voilent communication. So in order to communicate efficiently, nonvoilent communication is extremely crucial, which can not only make the others understood but also feel comfortable. Only when the person you communicate with feel pleased, our suggestions would be accepted and the purpose of communication will be achieved.

How can we do the nonvoilent communication? Please follow the following four steps.

First, to observe but not to comment. Only make the statements objectively, never use any words with emotion or comment.

Second, let your feelings known. After your state the situation objectively, it is a must to make your feelings known by the others.

Third, speak out your needs. Our needs should be told directly, so as to get positive responses, but not through criticizing, commenting or analysing.

Fourth, asking for help or support. It is also a necessary step to tell the others what we need them to do.  And our request should be specific and clear. The more specific it is, the better response we may get. It is also crucial that we ask for the feedback from the others to make sure if they have understood our words thoroughly. Here asking for help is totally different from order or command, so don't make the other feel it is an order.

So long as we go through this process of four steps, don't be shy to share your feelings, and make your needs and requests understood by the others, you will probably get what you want and achieve efficient communication.