2021-07-19 Using “I feel” statements

Sometimes simply acknowledging how you feel with words is painful. It’s hard enough to feel anxious, for example, but harder still to say “I’m anxious” in response to your coworker’s question about if you feel okay.

To avoid this emotional discomfort, many people get in the habit of intellectualizing their emotions — describing how they feel in overly intellectual, conceptual, or metaphorical language. You might, for example, say things like “I’m stressed” rather than “I’m afraid” or “I’m bugged” rather than “I’m mad.”

Here’s the problem: When you get in the habit of using intellectualizations to avoid your actual feelings, you’re teaching your brain that those feelings are dangerous, which will only make you less emotionally resilient in the long term.

Instead, practice using I feel statements when you talk about your emotions…

• I feel sad.
• I feel afraid.
• I feel angry.

Because when you talk about your emotions in plain language — even if it’s a little uncomfortable — you’re teaching your brain that just because you feel bad doesn’t mean something’s wrong. And that is the heart of emotional courage.

The confidence to handle difficult emotions begins with the courage to describe them honestly.