At the year when I was twenty, one of my classmate declared leaving school for marriage. The girl, with fair skin and looks like she was twenty-five or twenty-six years old at that time, was from a small county. I was not very close to her. The general idea of the story is that there is one boy has fell in love with her, her mother then made it clear that only if the boy has RMB200000 would she agree this marriage. The result for this story dramatically is: the boy with only a high school diploma earned the amount of money in one year and became my classmate's husband.
At that time, this affair has gave me a very great strike. I was wondering, if I can be sold, how much the man who would marry me can offer?
Of course, I proudly thought: RMB200000 can only buy one of my arms! I am sure you will think the same if you were of the same age with me, unreasonably regarded ourselves as invaluable. You thought: with the cost of giving up the study, to hand over the whole life to a man who would like to buy it, it is not worthwhile!!
Afterwards, when graduated from school, with the great longing, you began to hunt for jobs in the big city. Your senior sister told you that you should try to make yourself look more experienced and representable, so you borrowed her high-heel shoes to put on, and went to the salon to get yourself a new hairstyle, bargaining in the night market with your friends for half an hour for a bag worthing RMB40. The interviews seemed really fun and interesting to you.
Finally, you got employed.
With entering the society not very long, you were so unexperienced and didn't know how to make up yourself. The boss asked you to wear the clothes which can make you look more mature, so you imitated those elegant sisters, but the color and style you chose were always undesirable, the womanly clothes go with your baby face, just like Hello Kitty was wearing Chinese cheongsam. But even like this, even always worked overtime, when you were after work on the motorcycle, with the night wind blowing your hair, you still feel yourself like a fairy!
Actually you didn't need to take the motorcycle, you had the choices, there were rich men who rush to pick you up with their cars, you have the chance to depend on them, but you just hate them, you hate the ring on their fingers, it looks even wider than mother's ring used for stitching.
How proud you are then! Because you have dream for your Mr Right, you never worry about money, you thought it is vulgar to worry about that. The people around you rush to end your single life, they ask you: what on earth the kind of man you need? You reply honestly: someone I feel good.
But your feeling never seems right, traveling one round, that very one still not showed up.
Unconsciously, 2 years passed, you suddenly found that the friends around you all have their companion, you began to feel imbalanced.
So you finally accepted blind date, sometimes you even meet 3 in one week. You always forget the time of the date because you meet too many, but that won't make you nervous. Because you don't accept this kind of vulgar union at the bottom of your heart! So, you still didn't meet the one you want. In the wondering state, you finally understand that it is so uneasy to find someone you really like, and the people we can meet throughout our life is fewer than we have imagined.
But even at this time, I know, you still have a dream of searching for a Mr Right, and the dream is still so firm. What different is: you are willing to get along with someone who seems to be suitable for you. You seem less cool than before, when he sent short message to you on the raining night saying he miss you, you will be also touched. Because you begin to feel lonely, and you can't help yourself to accept his comfort.
Once this kind of "loneliness comforting" way was accepted, you can no longer sheerly stick on your Mr Right dream, you began to feel tried and no longer regard that dream as the meaning of life. Of course you still have such dream time to time, but it is just more like a dream.
Getting along for one year, you suddenly feel that you can't live without that man who comforts you, you know very well that actually at the beginning you don't like him, but strangely, with no reason, you begin to care about him. Although he loves you that much, you still can't help yourself to read his messages secretly. Any clothes you wear, if he doesn't like, you will not wear any more.
You were even ready to take out your savings to pay the housing loan, it is RMB500000, you two paid it together. You just calculated: he didn't take out RMB200000 to marry you, on the contrary, to marry yourself out, you have paid RMB250000, this affection, this marriage, you are not the one benefit!
So, you began to envy the classmate whom someone is willing to spend RMB200000 to marry. At the very thought of that girl, you quarreled with your boyfriend, sometimes even for one whole day. The worst time you even break things, declaring break up and slapping the door and go away along. At that night, with longing, you accepted the date offer from the rich man who once went after for you, but at the mere sight of his bucket belly, you gave up the idea to accept him, you still can not change your prejudice.
Therefore, you have to get back to your boyfriend. Although he was poor, he was young and pure, as pure as a dream. Most importantly, he loves you, he was working so hard for you. On many nights, he came back in the midnight, just for one more order from the customer. At those nights, you were touched to shed tears, you found yourself really love him. You would think so many: about the passing springtime, about the housing loan which still have 20 years, about the future you can't stop striving. You felt so tired, so desperated, but you have no choice! You just don't understand, why the seemingly promising life was living like a silkworm in the cocoon?
How I understand your grievance! Because I was once in your boat, doubting the values of myself, and I questioned myself: why, I followed a man I firstly don't like, with no money, yet I must bear the hardships with him, am I not worthing RMB200000?
But have you ever think about it: for many times, there was someone who would like to buy your whole life with RMB200000, you refused it. Although you have vanity and you need material things, you still insist on your inner heart in the battle with the reality, you chose the life which is closer to your dream. How lovely you are! What a nature temper you have!
There is nothing to RMB200000, if only we wish, we can pay even more for the unstably life we want to live!
I think you are understood now, it is not the life make us like a silkworm in the cocoon, but the dream, because we want to be the master for our life, so, we must be responsible for ourselves, to pay the bill for ourselves, to strive untiringly for our will.
That's because: Our dream is so strong, strong enough to drown ourselves!
Now, I want to ask you, dare you choose the ordinary life which can be controlled by yourself? Dare you marry yourself out without one penny?