如何写请求邮件

我的改写

subject: Request for a school visit to WHO headquarters

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am Li Ming, a graduate student of Peking University School of Public Health.and I am writing to request a school visit to WHO headquarters.

My school holds employment promotion in mid-November every year. After that, students can visit famous companies and organizations, some of whom join them after graduate.

I'm so glad that WHO headquarters is on the visit list this year, whereas WHO is a dream institution for many. WHO删除 It plays an irreplaceable role in preventing disease and improving public health. Many alumni join WHO, contributing to healthier China and the world. So many students of Public Health dream of joining WHO.删除

In a effort to follow their footsteps, a group of 15 students would like to visit at a time of your convenience. Please let me know the time if you comply with our request. My email address is [email protected]删除.

A visit means a lot to us. Looking forward to hearing from you.Thank you so much!

Yours,
Li Ming

毛病：

哈哈哈，纯翻译作业的文本，今天自己看自己写的，也觉得蛮好笑的。
如何婉转客气，怎样将换位思考融入到内容，并自然的衔接。
不仅内容不客气、生硬，前后句子内容跳跃，句子间没有衔接过渡。最关键的问题还是看的少，写的少了。

很喜欢Justin写的，感觉他写的每个单词都认识呀，自己却写不出来，学习目标。

范文

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笔记

邮件名称
WHO headquarters visit request·from Peking University School of Public Health

标题
request for

college 学院
一般指大学
school
university

读大学 go to college

application 申请贷款、签证、容易
request 提出请求

Looking forward you reply/response 不是feedback
feedback 反馈

P.S. ...不是P.S.

姓名怎么写
Qingwei Meng 最好写这样
Meng Qingwei
Meng Qing Wei 一般不这样写

学到的表达

In a effort to do X, Y...

I was wondering whether I/we/you could ....
I was wondering whether it would be convenient / acceptable / feasible to...

If this is not the correct email, could you please kindly let me know the right one? Thank you in advance.

out of the context 唐突

in an effort to follow their footsteps

guided tour
accommodate somebody's needs

Please let me know how I can best accomodate your needs.

My schedule is higly/fairly flexible.

A visit means a lot to us.
X means a lot/ a great deal to us.

想学简单实用的表达！！！

George Takei