Resist the temptation to “make better” instantly. Instead of giving advice, continue to accept and reflect on your child’s feelings.
【段落大意】
要立即抵抗住"做的更好"的诱惑。不要给予建议，而是接受并且考虑孩子的感受。
【单词/词组/句型】
①Resist tempation to so sth 抵挡住...的诱惑.
相反意义的词组是give in to the temptation.屈从诱惑
②reflect on 有两个意思,需要根据语境去判断.
一是:仔细思考,表达 。例句：He had time to reflect on his successes and failure.
二是给...带来影响,尤其是坏的影响。例句：If my children are rude, that reflects on me as a parent.
Here’s an example of what I mean. A father in our group reported that his young son came storming into the house with the first statement you worked on in your workbooks: “I’d like to punch that Michael in the nose!” The father said, “Normally the conversation would have gone like this:”
【段落大意】
这有一个例子能解释我的意思。一位父亲汇报：他的小儿子气冲冲冲进房间，用练习册上的第一种表达方式“我要狠狠揍米歇尔”，通常情况下这个对话会是这样：
【单词/词组/句型】
storm into 气冲冲冲进...
Alan stormed into the room.
SON: I’d like to punch that Michael in the nose!
FATHER: Why? What happened?
SON: He threw my notebook in the dirt!
FATHER: Well, did you do something to him first?
SON: No!
FATHER: Are you sure?
SON: I swear, I never touched him.
FATHER: Well, Michael is your friend. If you take my advice, you’ll forget about the whole thing. You’re not so perfect, you know. Sometimes you start up and then blame someone else—the way you do with your brother.
SON: No, I don’t. He starts up with me first . . . Oh, I can’t talk to you.
【段落大意】
儿子:我想狠狠的揍米歇尔.
父亲:为什么?发生了什么事?
儿子:他把我的课本扔进了泥土里
父亲:那你是先对他做了什么吗?
儿子:没有.
父亲:你真的什么都没做吗?
儿子:我发誓,我没有招惹他.
父亲:呃,米歇尔是你的好朋友.如果你要问我的意见,我希望你忘记这件事.要知道人无完人,有时候你会先招惹别人然后再责备别人--就像你对你哥哥做的那样.
儿子:不,我不是那样的人.是米歇尔先招惹我...我不想再跟你讲话.
从这段似乎看到了一个本想向最信任的人倾诉,却得到责备的叛逆小孩.我们总是以一种固定的思维去看孩子.
But the father had just attended a workshop on helping his children deal with their feelings, and this is what actually took place:
SON: I’d like to punch that Michael in the nose!
FATHER: Boy, you’re angry!
SON: I’d like to push his fat face in!
FATHER: You’re that mad at him!
SON: You know what that bully did? He grabbed my notebook at the bus stop and threw it in the dirt. And for no reason!
FATHER: Hmmmm!
SON: I bet he thought I was the one who broke his dumb clay bird in the art room.
FATHER: You think so.
SON: Yeah, he kept looking at me all the time he was crying.
FATHER: Oh.
SON: But I didn’t break it. I didn’t!
FATHER: You know you didn’t.
SON: Well, I didn’t do it on purpose! I couldn’t help it if that stupid Debby pushed me into the table.
FATHER: So Debby pushed you.
SON: Yeah. A lot of things got knocked down, but the only thing that broke was the bird. I didn’t mean to break it. His bird was good.
FATHER: You really didn’t mean to break it.
SON: No, but he wouldn’t believe me.
FATHER: You don’t think he’d believe you if you told him the truth.
SON: I dunno . . . I’m gonna tell him anyway—whether he believes me or not. And I think he should tell me he’s sorry for throwing my notebook in the dirt!
【段落大意】
但这位父亲参加了帮助孩子处理情绪的工作坊,他采取了下面的方式与孩子交流:
儿子:我想狠狠揍米歇尔
父亲:孩子,你很生气.
儿子:我想打肿他的脸.
父亲:你在生他的气?
儿子:你知道他多欺负人吗?他在车上毫无理由的抢走了我的课本,并扔到泥土里
父亲:欧欧欧欧
儿子:我打赌,他肯定认为我也参与了打碎他那丑黏土鸟的事.
父亲:你是这样认为的吗?
儿子:是的,他哭的时候一直瞅着我.
父亲:哦
儿子:但是我没有打碎他的鸟,我没有
父亲:你觉得你没有
儿子:是的,我不是故意那样做的,是该死的杜比把我推向那张桌子.我控制不了我自己.
父亲:所以,是杜比推的你吗?
儿子:是的,好多东西都掉下来了,但是只有那只鸟打碎了.我没有想打碎它,那只鸟做的很棒.
父亲:你真的不是有意打碎它的.
儿子:是的,但是米歇尔不相信我
父亲:你不觉得如果你告诉他真相,他会相信你吗?
儿子:我没...不管他相信还是不相信,我还是会告诉他.我想他也会为扔了我的课本说抱歉.
脑补一出画面:慈祥的老父亲,专注的与儿子交流.父亲用了很少的话语,引导孩子说出了事件的始末,并意识到自己也有不对的地方.
【单词/词组/句型】
这本书用词很简单,但是很用心,在一段话里使用了很多同义词:
Punch/push angry/mad at
he father was astonished. He hadn’t asked questions and yet the child had told him the whole story. He hadn’t given one word of advice, and yet the child had worked out his own solution. It seemed unbelievable to him that he could have been so helpful to his son just by listening and acknowledging his feelings.
【段落大意】
父亲感到很惊奇,他没有问问题,孩子却告诉他整个事情.他没有给出任何建议,孩子自己找出了解决方式. 他觉得有些难以置信,他仅仅是倾听和了解孩子的感受就帮助了孩子.
It’s one thing to do a written exercise and read a model dialogue. It’s another to put listening skills into action in a real situation with our own children. Parents in our groups report that it’s helpful to role-play with one another and get a little practice before dealing with actual situations in their own homes.
【段落大意】
一件事是做练习册和读了示范对话.另一件事是将倾听技巧与我们的孩子在一个真实的环境中进行实践.组里的父母汇报说:在自己真实的环境中处理这类事情前,相互之间做角色扮演是很有帮助的.
On the following page you’ll find a role-playing exercise to try with a friend or spouse. Decide which of you will play the child and which will play the parent. Then read only your part.
【段落大意】
在后面一页你将找到与朋友或者伴侣一起尝试的角色扮演的练习.确定你扮演的角色,并只阅读你扮演的部分.