How to raise successful kids -without over -parenting

When we raise kids this way , we  keep them safe and sound ,fand fed and watered ,and then we want to be sure they go to the right school,that they're the right classes at the right school,and that thwy get the right grades in the right classes in the right school.And not just the grades and scores ,but the accolades and the awards ,and the sports ,the activites ,the leadership.We tell our kids ,don't just join a club ,start a club ,because colledges want to see that .And all of this done to some hoped -for degree of perfection.We expect our kids to perform at a level of perfection,we were never asked to perform at ourselves . 

我们常常级高标准得要求我们的孩子如何如何.....    但是自己却从来没有做到。

And here's what it feels like to be a kid in this checklisted childhood. First of all ,there's no free time in the afternoon,because everything has to be riching ,we think.As long as they're checking off the items on their checklist .And in the chcklisted childhood ,we say we just want them to be happy,but what we ask about all too often first ,is their homkwork and their grades.

我们把孩子的生活的排的满满的，一项项完成清单上的任务，表面上是让他们开心，我们问他们的第一个问题总是作业和分数。

They ’re a little burned out ,wishing the grown-ups in their lives had said ,"what you've done is enough ,this effort you've put forth in childhood is enough . And they're withering now under high rates of anxiety and depression.  While some kids ask themseves "will this life ever turn out to have been worth it ? 

孩子们已经在高分的焦虑和沮丧中慢慢枯萎，他们总是希望家长能够说“你们在童年时代已经很努力了” 然而有的孩子会问自己：这样的人生最后究竟有没有意义？ 

And so with our over help, our over-protection and over-direction and hard-holding,we deprive our kids of the chances to build self-efficacy,which is a really fundamental tenet of the human psyche,far more important than that self-esteem they get every time we applaud. 我们过度保护会剥夺了孩子建立自我效能的机会，自我效能是人类心智的重要准则，远比通过父母赞美建立起来的自尊更重要。

So childhood needs to teach our kids how to love ,and they can't love others if they won't love themselves ,and they won't love themselves if we can't offer them unconditional love .所以童年时期我们要教孩子如何去爱，要爱别人，他们要先学会爱自己。想要他们爱自己，我们就要给与他们无条件的爱。

My job is not to make them become what i would  have them become ,but to support them in becoming their glorious selves . 我的工作不是把他们变成我想要的样子，而是支持他们做辉煌的自己。