Writing Day 7 20190314 gu_writing
全文翻译2：老龄化社会+观点类题目（advantages/disadvantages）题型
写作要点+段落的数目
题目：In many country, the proportion of older people is steadily increasing.Does this trend has positive or negative effects on society?
自学步骤一：阅读题目后，写出三个观点：
缺：
1.老年人口增多，加重社会对医疗保健的支出。
2.影响社会生产力，工作节奏变慢，社会经济下降。
优：
3.寿命延长，退休期延后，咨深员工的经验和智慧得以传授。
自学步骤二：翻译句子：先想词伙，在想句型，然后写句子。
自学步骤三：检查自己的翻译：先看正确的句子的词伙和句子结构，然后看错误的句子，看是否能够发现问题。
介绍段：
| 句子作用 | 中文 | 我写的 | 答案句 | 错误纠正 | 错误类型 |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 背景句 | 1.因为科技的发展和人们财富的增加，人口寿命一直在延长. | People 's life |
People's life expectancy has increased in many societies,possibly because of improvements in technology and the increase in personal wealth. | expectancy 美 /ɪk'spɛktənsi/n. 期望，期待technology美 /tɛkˈnɑlədʒɪ/科技；工艺 | 单词 |
| 阐述立场或者说明文章讨论内容 | 2.虽然老年人可以为社会做贡献，但是这个人口的改变可能会导致许多问题。 | Although the old can |
Although senior citizens can contribute extraordinarily to society,I would argue that demographic change can bring about some problems. contribute to society,demographic,bring about | make a contribution to society,population structure,加入I would argue that 说明是我的观点。 | 词伙搭配 |
主题部分第一段：
| 句子作用 | 中文 | 我写的 | 答案句 | 错误纠正 | 错误类型 |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 中心句（经济：资源） | 3.一个和老龄化相关的问题是健康医疗的费用会激增，会对纳税人施加负担。 | One of problem |
One problem associated with an aging population is that health care costs will escalate,imposing a burden on taxpayers. | associated with,escalate v,使)升高；(使)增加 ,a burden on ,taxers,征收人--》taxpayers. | 非谓语语法，单词升级 |
| 解释 | 4.众所周知，大部分的医疗需求和费用都是在晚年出现。 | It is widely know that |
It is widely know that most medical needs and costs occur in the last years of life. | 不需要特定，most of healthy costs ands needs,appear in,the last few years of time. | 冠词语法，词伙借词搭配 |
| 结果 | 5.因此，政府需要花更多的钱在照顾老人上，而其它的一些关键服务如教育就有资金不足的问题。 | Therefore, |
Governments have to pour more money to caring for the elderly,but other essential services like education will be underfunded. | [care for](javascript:;) 照顾爱护照料the elderly, adj,people who are old 老人，上了年纪的人,underfund,v投资不足，found,v,铸造创立建立找到 | 词伙搭配 |
| 观点（经济：效率） | 6.随着年龄较大的工作者数目增加，工作的慢节奏可能是另外一个问题。 | As the number of old workers increase,the slow pace of working is another problem. | The slow pace of work is another problem,as the number of senior workers increases. | increases,pace of work，工作节奏，pace of working，做工节奏 | 动词三单，词伙搭配 |
| 原因 | 7.随着年龄的增长，人们吸收信息和处理工作的能力通常会下降。 | With the increase of ages,people's |
The ability to absorbing information and complete work normally declines with age. | ability,the ability to ,the ability of ,....能力，做...能力，时态，一般现在时，the ability for 在...的能力。with age 因年久随着年龄的增长因年老随着年龄增长 | 词伙，时态 |
| 结果 | 8.如果老年人推迟退休，他们可能会影响公司的效率和盈利。 | If elders's |
If senior workers delay retirement,they may not perform as well as younger employees and this can influence companies' productivity and profitability. | retirement n. 退休，退役 elder,n. 老人；长辈；年长者；父辈senior adj. 高级的；年长的；地位较高的；年资较深的，资格较老的efficiency,n. 效率；效能；功效productivity n. 生产力；生产率；生产能力 have influence on 对...有影响 | 单词拼写，词伙 |
主题部分第二段：
| 句子作用 | 中文 | 我的 | 答案 | 改正 | 错误类型 |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 中心句（经济） | 9.另一方面，很多人会推迟退休和延长职业生涯，而他们的经验和智慧是宝贵的社会财富。 | On the other hand,many people will |
On the other hand,many people will postpone retirement and extend their working life,and it is true that their experience and wisdom are a valuable asset for the whole society. | postpone,extend,extend one's career,延长职业生涯 working life，工作时间。a company's assets,a valuable asset,the whole society. | 词汇，动词复数 |
| 原因 | 10.因为人们现在非常注意饮食健康和运动，他们往往可以活得更健康，更长。 | Because people |
People today can live healthier and longer,since they pay closer attention to healthy eating and sports. | 比较级用法，单音节：longer,healthier,pay closer attention to | 词伙，语法 |
| 结果 | 11.他们可以作为顾问将自己得知识和技能传授给年轻人。 | They can pass their |
They can work as consultants and impart their knowledge and skills to the younger generation. | pass sth to sb,把某物传给某人，impart something to sb. 习惯表达，consultants.顾问 | i词伙，单词 |
| 举例 | 12.例如，一些的深得管理人员会教年轻人如何管理一个公司，和如何更好地服务客户。 | For example,some senior managers teach the young people how to manage a company, |
For example,some senior managers teach the young people how to manage a company,and how to provide better services for clients. | and 连词，连接二个句子provide sth for sb 给某人提供某物 | 语法，词伙。 |
结论段：
| 句子作用 | 中文 | 我的 | 答案 | 改正 | 错误类型 |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 再次表明立场 | 13.总之，寿命的急剧延长已经给许多国家的健康医疗施加了压力，也会影响劳动力的产出。 | In sum,the surge of |
In conclusion,the considerable extension of life expectancy has put strain on health care and made the workforce less productive. | in conclusion,life expectancy,pose a huge burden on,put strain on ,made something done. | 词伙，词汇 |
| 总结观点 | 14.这会影响经济发展，虽然我们可以充分利用老年人的智慧。 | I argue that this can affect the development of economy,although we can make use of senior citizens' wisdom. | It will influence the economic development of a country, although we can make good use of senior workers' wisdom. | influence,直接影响，make good use of 充分利用，senior workers' wisdom | 词伙 |
自学步骤四：整体学习和检查范文，看看是否符合TELCCS原则。
Task-oriented：每句话要注意扣题，尽量出现 题目的关键词。
Extension：句子要懂得扩展，在简单的想法上增加信息，使句子变得丰富。
Linking devices：句子链接要精密，连接方法灵活有变化，前后句子要保持很好的逻辑。
Consistency ：每个句子要和中心句保持一致，和前面一句话论述保持逻辑一致。
Collocations：用词要尽量使用词伙，尊重单词的搭配习惯。
Syntax：句子结构要准确，变化要合理恰当。
People's life expectancy has increased in many societies,possibly because of improvements in technology and the increase in personal wealth. Although senior citizens can contribute extraordinarily to society, I would argue that this demographic change can bring about some problems.
One problem associated with an aging population is that health care costs will escalate,
这个词太大，改成increase 或者 climb
imposing a burden on taxpayers. It is widely know that most medical needs and costs occur in the last years of life.Governments
这句话和上句话的主语说的事情完全不同，所以要加链接词，如 this means that.
have to pour more money in caring for the elderly,but other essential services like education will be underfunded.
这里应该突出对社会的影响。而且要和中心句中的 impose a burden on taxpayers 对应，否则影响Consistency
The slow pace of work is another problem,as the number of senior workers increases.The ability to absorb information and complete work normally declines with age.If senior workers delay retirement,they may not perform as well as younger employees
这个句子的逻辑关系不强，不能因为推迟退休，老人就不能有良好的工作表现。
and this can influence companies' productivity and profitability.
这里应改突出对社会的影响。
On the other hand, many people will
可以改成may,might,等，这样语气不是很坚定
postpone retirement and extend their working life,and it is true that
多余套句
their experience and wisdom are a valuable asset to the whole society.People today can live healthier and longer,since they pay closer attention to healthy eating and sports.They
can work as consultants and impart their knowledge and skills to the younger generation.
这里的they 没有说得很清楚是老年人还是普通人，这样会影响cc consistency collocations 的分数。
For example,some senior managers can teach young people how to manage a company,and how to provide better services for clients.
这里可以稍微突出一下对社会的影响，去提高TR的分数，因为题目强调的是对社会的影响。
In conclusion,the considerable extension of life expectancy has put strain on health care and made the workforce less productive.It will influence the economic development of a country,although we can make good use of senior workers' wisdom.
提升的范文：下划线地方是词伙 加粗是有差异地方
People's life expectancy has improved in many societies,possibly because of improvements in technology and the increase in personal wealth.Although senior citizens can contribute extraordinarily to society, I would argue that this demographic change can bring about some problems.
One problem associated with an aging population is that health care costs will increase,imposing a burden on taxpayers.It is widely know that most medical needs and costs occur in the last years of life.This means that governments have to pour more money in caring for the elderly and in medical services.This is normally achieved by requiring working people to pay higher income tax and cutting funds for other essential services like education.
The slow pace of work is another problem,as the number of senior workers increases.The ability to absorb information and complete work normally declines with age.Many elderly people have a conservative attitude towards technology and struggle to learn how to use hi-tech devices and the latest software at work.If they choose to delay retirement,their presence in the workforce can influence companies' productivity and endanger the whole economy.
On the other hand,the experience and wisdom of senior citizens can be a valuable asset to society.People today can live healthier and longer lives, as they pay closer attention to healthy eating and sports.They can work as consultants even after leaving the workforce,and impart their knowledge and skills to the younger generation.For example, some senior managers can teach young people how to manage a company,and how to provide better services for clients.Our society can draw upon the expertise of these older people.
In conclusion,the considerable extension of life expectancy has put strain on health care made the workforce less productive.It will influence the economic development of a country,although we can make good use of senior workers' wisdom.