Chapter 5: You Are Always Choosing

The subtle Art Of Not giving a Fuck by Mark Manson

Part 1 Q&A

1. What does “you are always choosing”? Can you define it and give an example?

Everyday, we have to handle a lot of problems, so we need to prioritize our tasks. When we feel that we’re choosing our problems, we feel empowered. When we feel that our problems are being forced upon us against our will, we feel victimized and miserable.

2. What’s the point of telling William James’s story?

Although we cannot control what happen to us, we always control how we interpret what happens to us, as well as how we respond. This is the realization that we, individually, are responsible for everything in our lives, no matter the external circumstances.

3. Any responsibility problems you had with your boyfriend/girlfriend or parents? If any, please tell us your story.

Absolutely, when I was little, I always have a bad mark on all the subjects, and even I thought that I don't have a chance of studying in the high school. I was felt depressed and disappointed because my dad cost his arm and legs to have bought a key public school degree for me. At that time, my dad figured that I am studying at key school is perfect, but he didn't know my feelings. My personality had a big changed. I had no confidence and that I have been beginning not to talk and smile. Because of this thing, my dad and I were difficult to maintain the relationship with each other, I thought he didn't take responsibility for me and a better understanding of me. On the contrary, he believes I was not took the opportunity.

Part 2 My ideas

A person can get dealt terrible cards and beat someone who was dealt great cards.

这让我想起前几天的公众号推送(《有钱人值得追捧吗?》),里面举了个例子,让我影响很深刻。

一个游戏,视频里一群人肩并肩的站在足球场上,活动的发起者说,最先到达终点的人可以获得100美金奖励,但是首先要和你们说几件事,如果你符合我的描述,那么你可以向前两步,不符合的人留在原地。他说:如果你父母的婚姻仍然持续至今,向前两步;如果你成长的过程中有「父亲形象」(father figure)的存在,向前两步;如果你接受过私立教育(private education),向前两步;如果你请过家庭教师,向前两步;如果你从来不用为手机欠费停机而担心,向前两步;如果你不用为父母的账单操心,向前两步;如果你不是因为体育特长而免交学费,向前两步;如果你从来不会为下一顿饭从哪里来而操心,向前两步。

这时,人群中明显拉开了差距。

发起者又说了,我刚才说这些事没有一件和你的自身能力有关,也不是你能决定的。很显然,站在前面的人有更大获得这100美金奖励的机会,我们不会蠢到意识不到我们的胜算更大,我们只是不想承认我们有更优越的起跑线罢了。那些获得了100美金奖励的人,如果不能好好利用这100美金,那他就个蠢货。

那么这意味着后面的人就不参加了吗?他们还是必须要跑完他们的比赛。发起者看着站在最后的黑人小伙说,如果这是一场公平的竞赛,所有人的起跑线都一样,我相信站在后面的黑人小伙一定会完爆你们。

只是因为你比别人更接近终点,所以你更有可能赢得比赛。有时候做不到不一定是你不够好,做到了也不代表是你比别人好。相比「比你有钱」的努力者更值得赞扬的是那些起跑线在后头,但是跑在了前面的人;或者,有的人坚持跑完比赛就已经是一种了不起的精神。我们时不时在网上看到些新闻,一位病人被医生诊断一生不能走路,这位病人之后不仅能走路而且最后还成为残疾奥运会的运动员,这让我们不敢相信,但奇迹总会发生的。当我看到Jeme的故事的时候,我就坚信着外在因素和环境不是摧残你的原因。

Part 3 Expressions

William was the family oddball, the black sheep.

black sheep: someone who is regarded by other members of their family or group as a failure or embarrassment

Black Sheep

图上的这只黑羊处境很尴尬,和同类不一样,被排挤。

After touring a psychiatric facility one day, James mused in his diary that he felt he had more in common with the patients than with the doctors.

muse: to say something in a way that shows you are thinking about it carefully

若有所思的

SYN :ponder

muse on/over/about/upon

e.g.  He mused on how different his life would have been, had he not met Louisa.

He was educated, interesting, and good-looking—a good catch, in principle—but he was absolutely convinced that women found him too short to date.

a good catch: someone who is a good person to have a relationship with or to marry because they are rich, attractive etc – often used humorously

e.g. Since a doctor or a lawyer is a good catch, he can attract a woman whose family is wealthy.

My first girlfriend dumped me in spectacular fashion. She was cheating on me with her teacher. It was awesome.

dump: to get rid of someone or something that you no longer want or need

e.g. Nolan was angry at being dumped from the team.

I took responsibility for my problems and improved upon them.

improve upon: to make something better than it was before, or to do something better than you did before

平时蛮少用到improve后接upon,意思是在原有的基础上改进。

e.g. we will be able to improve upon DEET and finally have the next generation of insect behavior control products," said Ray.

But as with the baby on your doorstep, you are immediately thrust into responsibility for a life-and-death situation.

thrust into: to stab or run something into someone or something.

“把某物或某人推到....处境”

e.g. The Dutch feel a sense of powerlessness as they've been thrust into the middle of this geopolitical conflict.荷兰在被卷进这场地缘政治冲突中时有种无力感。

In 2013, the BBC rounded up half a dozen teenagers with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) and followed them as they attended intensive therapies to help them overcome their unwanted thoughts and repetitive behaviors.

round up: 1. if police or soldiers round up a particular group of people, they find them and force them to go to prison

2. to find and gather together a group of people, animals, or things

3. to increase an exact figure to the next highest whole number

e.g. 1. You just wanted me because I can round up the votes. 这里的意思是“拉票”

2. We round up empathic creatures, we kill them and we eat them “围捕”的意思

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