To Get Help from a Colleague, Emphasize What You Have in Common

Few of us enjoy asking for help, and yet we all need it. To encourage someone to respond positively the next time you ask, make them feel that they’d be helping because they wantto, not because they have to. Try tapping into the person’s innate human need to belong by emphasizing the importance of the team. Use the word “together” in your request, or cite a common goal, enemy, or trait, such as the desire to exceed your team’s sales targets, a rivalry with a competitor in your industry, or a love of superhero movies. Highlighting these shared experiences positions you as part of the person’s in-group. And avoid any language suggesting that they are being instructed to help or have no choice but to say yes. This includes phrases such as “May I ask you for a favor?” (which makes people feel trapped) and “I feel terrible asking you for this” (which sounds apologetic).

Adapted from “How to Get the Help You Need,” by Heidi Grant