Daily diary — 21st May

    My takeaway for my lunch is not palatable , the meat is too greasy to partake of .

    The weather turns sunny today , it is still a little cold now . Good weather brings good mood, it’s enough for me.

    I decrease the amount of English words needing to be recited everyday . 50 new words and 150 old ones a day can make me have enough and flexible time to finish my other daily tasks . I still have nearly 2 months to formally start my job . It’s exactly a long time . What I can do in the period is a question . If I were not so finicky about my job ,I would have been earning money easily , no matter how much I earn or how little I earn .

    Sometimes I will be confused and start to think about what kind of thing can be described as important or significant thing . It is a deep philosophical problem and I can’t give an answer with my superficial knowledges and experience . Maybe I am the person who reads too little and thinks too much .

    I should go to wash my shoes today in my schedule yesterday . The time passes away so quickly and it’s 3:00 PM now . I seem to have finished a task but have no sense of achievement . Maybe a bachelor’s life is very boring and mundane . I am so lazy and reluctant to find some diversions to please myself . So just let it be .

    My new game controller arrived the day before yesterday . I have used the old one for 3 years . New controller is good-looking and comfortable to use . But I can get less and less fun from the games . The first time I saw the giant monster in Dark souls 1 I was extremely excited . Now I have get used to this image design in different games . Nothing can keep fresh all the time , even your beautiful wife , your family , your interest , that’s the reason why so many couples divorce in their middle age . It’s probably a truth of life , once lose the freshness , you’ll be bored with anything .

    I am a little tired of writing too .

    When I was young , I believed that there exists celestial being living in the heavens and I would gain good luck and blessing if I persevered in being a good boy . I often obtained an unaccountable happiness and solace from that simple belief . Then I grown gradually and learned more and more knowledge at school . The day I flew to Shenzhen firstly , I saw the clouds in the sky and found no gods in the “heaven”. Though I had known that the gods were fictional characters in the tales from the knowledge I learned in the past time . My faith collapsed after my practicing in the sky .

    In a spring festival several years ago , I visited my grandmother and found that she prayed to Guanyin Bodhisattva devoutly . She was illiterate and never left her city all her life . She was so preoccupied with the statue though she already knew the Chinese spaceships from the daily news in the TV and said that our motherland was so powerful . I have lost my faith and I can’t told her what I experienced personally in the sky . The cognitive differences have developed between us . It’s happy to have a belief , I won’t and can’t tell her the truth . She had passed nearly all her lifetime in a small village with such a faith , why to change her opinion even if her faith is not real ?

    Life can’t only be filled with truth .