翻译思路拆解:李云迪,从钢琴家沦为阶下囚

今天这篇原文选自微博@中国新闻网,选得比较仓促,在翻译和写思路的过程中无数次后悔……

Anyway, 我们试试看吧。

先看标题:

从钢琴家沦为阶下囚


首先我们把中心词确定为“钢琴家”,因为这也是为什么李云迪这件事如此受关注的原因吧,普通人沦为阶下囚可没这么大的关注度对吧。

那么“沦为阶下囚”即为附属成分,不外乎2种处理方式:

处理为前置:

The Detained Pianist

处理为后置:

Renowned Pianist Put Behind Bars


上正文:

据悉,近日,朝阳公安分局接群众举报称,有人在朝阳某小区卖淫嫖娼。对此,警方依法开展调查,将卖淫违法人员XXX(女,29岁),嫖娼违法人员XXX(男,39岁)查获。经审查,上述人员对违法事实供认不讳,目前均已被朝阳公安分局依法行政拘留。李云迪在微博介绍里自称“国际钢琴家”,艺术家不仅要有精湛技艺以德服人,更应该严格规范自己的言行,而不是一边上节目赚钱,一边漠视并挑战法律底线。琴键非黑即白,做人一定要分清黑白,这个绝对不可以错!


第一句

据悉,近日,朝阳公安分局接群众举报称,有人在朝阳某小区卖淫嫖娼。


据悉,一般处理为it is reported that...


朝阳公安分局——可以查一下外媒的报道,基本有2种处理方法:简单的Chaoyang Police,或者全称the Chaoyang Branch of the Beijing Municipal Public Security Bureau。


“举报”可以是tip-off: ( informal ) secret information that sb gives, for example to the police, to warn them about an illegal activity that is going to happen 举报;密告;

也可以直接用report,不过会和前面的“据悉”重复用词;

有人在朝阳某小区卖淫嫖娼——很容易想到engage in这个用法:to take part in sth; to make sb take part in sth (使)从事,参加


第一句还比较简单,大概写个译文:

Recently, it is reported that the Chaoyang Branch of the Beijing Municipal Public Security Bureau received a tipoff from the public in Chaoyang district that someone was whoring in a residential community in Chaoyang District.

回头看会觉得Chaoyang Chaoyang Chaoyang重复了好几次,想想看怎么干掉一两个Chaoyang。比如我们可以把第三个in Chaoyang District改为在这个警察局的辖区范围内within its jurisdiction。

然后第二个in Chaoyang District,可以直接说the district对吧,不违和。遂有:

Recently, it is reported that Chaoyang Police received a tipoff from the public in the district that someone was whoring/engaged in prostitutionin a residential community within its jurisdiction.

第二句

对此,警方依法开展调查,将卖淫违法人员XXX(女,29岁),嫖娼违法人员XXX(男,39岁)查获。

这句话比较简单,顺着来就行。主干在后半部分:将....查获,那么前半部分则处理为状语;


违法人员, 注意和“罪犯”稍稍区分。违法是指严重地违反法律,但未构成犯罪的行为。违法不一定犯罪,但犯罪一定违法。Criminal, offender这种词就是犯罪的罪犯。违法者可以是law breaker。Delinquent也可以表示违法人员,不过通常是很年轻的那种违法者。

但这句话中,这两个词都不太好用,因为如果去写law breaker,还要去想要怎么和卖淫嫖娼给联系起来,就很麻烦。这里我们可以直接说a sex worker and her male client。根据语境,这就是违法的。或者可以用一个后置定语who illegally engaged in sexual activity as business,就是长了点。

In the subsequent police investigation/After investigation, a sex worker named XXX (female, 29 years old) and her male client XXX (male, 39 years old) / XXX (female, 29) and XXX (male, 39), both of whom illegally engaged in sexual activity as business, were arrested/caught by the police.

第三句

经审查,上述人员对违法事实供认不讳,目前均已被朝阳公安分局依法行政拘留。


主语确定为上述人员——直接用指代:the two;

违法事实,the illegal behavior/wrongdoing, 或offense/offence;

供认不讳,简单来说就是承认犯罪事实:admit to/confess to...;


这句还简单一些:

The two admitted to the illegal behavior/offence/confessed to the charges/wrongdoing and were detained by Chaoyang District Police/placed under administrative detention according to law.

第四句

李云迪在微博介绍里自称“国际钢琴家”,艺术家不仅要有精湛技艺以德服人,更应该严格规范自己的言行,而不是一边上节目赚钱,一边漠视并挑战法律底线。

第一句简单的先来:

In his profile on Weibo (China’s equivalent of Twitter), Li Yundi calls himself an “international pianist”.

我们好像讲过关于微博的英文同位语写法,复习一下:外媒如何写电影《长津湖》

或者再稍微多发挥一点:

This allegation comes as a satire on Li’s public persona of an “international pianist” on Weibo…


关于这个“人设”,我们好像也讲过,复习一下:翻译思路拆解:人设形象和经济实力之间的差距,拿什么去弥补?

剩下的部分逻辑是前后关联的,可以考虑处理到一起:

不仅...更应该...: apart from.... +主干;

而不是,也是我们熟悉的配方:instead of...;

严格规范言行,就是说在言行举止方面给自己更高的标准,hold oneself to a higher standard,或者说严于律己be strict with oneself。


Besides earning respect by impressive techniques and merit, an artist should also hold himself to a higher standard / be strict with himself in words and deeds, instead of profiting from TV shows while ignoring and challenging the law.

 

第五句

琴键非黑即白,做人一定要分清黑白,这个绝对不可以错!


这句话的结构特别清晰:比较状语+主干,即Just like....+主干;


分清黑白,最好不要重复black and white, 把它实际指代的含义处理出来,即distinguish right from wrong。

我觉得这句还是蛮难的。因为琴键的黑白就是形象上的黑色和白色,而做人分清黑白的黑白却是抽象概念,指的是是否对错。所以这句话的逻辑线是不是可以这样捋一捋:


就像钢琴家弹奏时要分清黑白键一样,做人也一定要清醒地搞清楚是非对错。


Just like a pianist who would never confuse the black keys and the white keys, one must draw a clear distinction between right and wrong, and no mistake in this regard should be tolerated.

为什么会想到这样的思路是因为,我们肯定要用人做主语对不对?那么与人相对应的主体如果是钢琴键就会很奇怪,你不能把人比作钢琴键对不对?但是我可以把人比作钢琴家嘛,钢琴家分得清琴键上的黑色白色,那么做人也要分清生活中的“黑色白色”。

本系列完。

虽然平日里小姐姐们工作缠身,更新慢,但每一次,我们都诚意满满。

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