0801 pride v. n. / considered adj. v. / expert n. adj.
I had a conversation with my cousin, of course, it was a really serious conversation. He asked me many questions, such as, have you considered all the aspects of this problem, have you ever considered where to go and what to do, and, do you know that you have only considered one aspect of the difficult, but there are many, and so on. As I recall, I only responded in silence, perhaps, I had known that I made a bad decision, nevertheless, I didn’t want to admit it, and I didn’t want to look back.
After many years, I realized I was the pride of my father, not because of I’m an excellent girl, just because of I am his daughter, his only child, however, there was nothing to change to comfort my father, much less, to deserve the glory of love. My cousin studied really hard, after getting his PhD, he chose to abroad, studied in Australia, then, he became an expert in fundamental biology research.
And I, after that conversation, would start a new life, it was completely different from my cousin’s life.
0802 penniless adj. / forced adj. v. n. / conviction n.
Well, perhaps, one day, I would have a conversation with my cousin again, it would be much more relaxed, neither about how to make a successful life nor about it is how bad if we have to face a penniless life, merely about, about the dream of youth, even if we never make it come true.
Unfortunately, when we look back, we may regret to find out all the convictions about life that we thought would never change, it has changed thoroughly. I used to believe if I have a conviction about something, just stick with it, sooner or later, I would succeed, however, in fact, I overrated the strength of conviction and neglected the force of life.
Life, such a simple word, include the most complex things in the world.
That’s OK. I may be forced to do something I don’t like and I may be forced to be someone I really hate, there is no doubt about it, that’s our truest life, and, I love the truth more than anything else, for real pain is better than false sweetness.
0803 once and for all / pursuit n. / reincarnated v. adj.
After new year’s, I got a job in C-city. My boss, is my father’s old schoolmate’s younger brother, how complex relationship is, regardless, I got my first job, it seems not bad. He owns a small software studio in a modern office building, including himself, just has four members. My job is to cook some simple meals for them, if I finish my main job, I can learn something from them, and I have my own room in that suite, it is so small, but it’s comfortable enough for me.
Although it is not perfect, and the salary is really low, anyway, nothing can be solved once and for all by just one-time, and the most important thing is I have taken the first step and started a new life. Now I am on my own, I can make any decision by myself, for example, I can decide to buy something what I like it to cook a lunch with a tight budget, it’s a little difficult for me at first, increasingly, becomes more easier, eventually, seems almost an ideal pursuit for me, because of the atmosphere of freedom.
If I can reincarnate, would I make the same choice again?
Yes. I would make the same choice again. No matter which way we choose, we will lose the other way, so no matter how beautiful or how ugly, just go for it, and go on.