Singing Snowberg
Chapter Seven
Lost Language <6>
Qui-co-lay qui-co-lay ya-lo-ik ya-lo-ik....
I press my ears on this door, a woman’s voice. I guess she’s his grandma I mentioned about. I have to knock on this door, but I’m feeling unexpectedly weak and sad, why? Something’s clogging in my chest. Suppose everyone feels hopelessness towards time, the past won’t change. I didn’t knock this door.
“Are you okay? I was worried so I go out looking for you. Come on Cyano, let’s get some sleep. Oh don’t be like that, the ‘sleep’ I’m talking about is the real sleep.”
Sprawling on the wooden bed, suddenly I miss my artificial sunlight. “Was this the last night we stayed here?” “Yes, who knows, the way time flows here isn’t normal, don’t you think? You will remember them all, I’m sure.”
Yeah, they wake up one by one in an acceptable way for me because I’m too weak.
I see the green light and remember instantly that I’m looking at a scanner. The Credits left is... what? Three point one millions and eight point two thousands! Here is definitely a hospital room for patient, and I knew who gave me this much Credits. It’s Devo, he’s leaning on the bedhead and strange words are coming from his mouth, “please forgive me Cyano, I lied to you.”
What? What’s him talking about? Salix isn’t with me, I look outside the window and there’s bright sunshine, where’s the night? And this room is slightly swaying, we’re on the water. “When? Why were we here?” Devo is staring at me with the same old look in his eyes, he doesn’t seem to understand, “we were? You should say we are,” he sighs with head held low, “Cyano, could I kiss you? This is the last thing I want to have before this life ends. I want to kiss on your lips but like a friend.”
He isn’t himself, but when our lips meet I have a clue that what we had is a different kind of affection, which I’ll never get from Salix. Perhaps Rosa gave me the familiar one that I wasn’t aware of. That she actually died, all the talks we had were all my imaginations; and this dying man sitting there, his kiss was like the sunshine from yesterday, you remember the warmth but you’ll never see again. And he was only real when we had a distance between us. Which part was real? The volunteer part is real except we’re partners and of course that night under the tent was my imagination. I feed on it. I’m crying quietly. We both know how this will end, not like the last time, Rosa left me so soon.
“Don’t cry. “Qui-co-lay qui-co-lay ya-lo-ik ya-lo-ik....” His voice fades into the darkness, into the slumber. I need a real rest, I lived the past week as a lifeless zombie, and it’s because of my fear I forgot everything. Who’ll be the next? I think it’s Salix’s turn. Should I stop it? And how?
The next time I opened my eyes it’s Sunday morning. Salix is watching at me quietly, he’s worried. I think he’ll get tired of me, of my insatiable heart for him. I should be happy once he’s by my side, but as I could remember he never complained to me. He’s too gentle with me, he deserves a better one.
“I saw your dream, did you see mine?” He smiles at my question, “I’m sure we haven’t wake up yet.” He’s right, there’s sunshine outside the small window. It should be dark. But which day? Which day it should be?
“Let’s get up and have breakfast. We should visit Rosa this morning.” “Who’s Rosa?” Salix knocks on my head softly, “she’s your friend!” Oh she! How could I be this forgetful?
It’s early in the morning, as usual everyone’s in hiding. Mrs. Grace is sitting on a stool looking at the small window. Salix waves at her, “hola Lucy, how was your sleep?” She takes a deep yawn and shakes her head, “I’m sleepy still and... this daylight is strange. What this lovely couple want?” “As usual please.” “Anyway, where’s Lazy. Is she okay?”
How strange it is to eat in the dream. My taste buds become slow, they need some seconds to feel the flavours. I don’t remember there’ll be other people appear in this day. Anyway it doesn’t matter, my memories are becoming shorter these days. That’s what makes me fearful. To visit Rosa is like a test for me, I have to and I want to but I’m also afraid of our meeting.
The corridors are empty as usual, I’m looking for Lazy as this body proceeds on his way. “I know what’re you thinking. Don’t worry, I’ll accompany you.” I’m partially relieved for his words.