小伙伴们大家好，欢迎来到本期的“国外也有段子手”！上周的欧洲赛场精彩看点层出不穷，利物浦凭借萨拉赫和奥里吉的进球击败热刺，队史第6次捧得欧冠奖杯，渣叔也首次赢得欧战冠军。欧联杯赛场，切尔西则在阿塞拜疆巴库以4-1的比分轻取阿森纳，萨里也收获了执教生涯首冠。好了，话不多说，让我们快来看看歪果仁们精彩吐槽吧！
萨拉赫奥里吉进球，利物浦2-0热刺
Oldyongwaiyee(未知主队球迷)：利物浦来到马德里，就是要把去年失去的奖杯重新夺回来——这就是故事最好的结局。(So they came to Madrid to take the trophy back. What a fitting ending.)
MajesticObjective(未知主队球迷)：现在可以说，梅西和C罗双骄之争的最终胜者是奥里吉！(I think it is safe to say, Origi won the Messi vs Ronaldo debate.)
oshua9663(西班牙球迷)：这赛季经历了如此疯狂的欧冠之旅，最后决赛却踢成了最无聊的结局…(Such a crazy year in the UCL and we get the most boring final imaginable.)
Oomeegoolies(米德尔斯堡球迷)：这绝对是权游编剧写的剧本！(Clearly got the game of thrones writers.)
Athletic_Bilbae(毕尔巴鄂球迷)：原著只把剧情写到了欧冠半决赛，到了决赛这编剧就只能自己瞎编了！(Clearly the writers had base material up until the semifinals but had to come up with their own finale.)
holegrademelk(未知主队球迷)：在决赛来之前，编剧的灵感就已经用光了。(The scriptwriters ran out of ideas.)
Igloo433(巴萨球迷)：这赛季巴萨的剧本，也是权游编剧写的吧！(I think Barcelona also got the GoT writers.)
artrickCapitol(未知主队球迷)：龙妈输了三条飞龙骑脸的局，而巴萨三球领先也能被逆转，巴萨就是丹妮莉丝-塔格利安！(Blew a 3 dragon lead=blew a 3 goal lead.Barcelona = Daenerys Targaryen confirmed.)
Stryx71(未知主队球迷)：只用了两场比赛，奥里吉就成为了利物浦名宿！(Origi legit became a Liverpool legend in 2 games.)
Sidaeinjae(韩国球迷)：可以说奥里吉也是阿森纳名宿了！(Arsenal legend, too.)
SpiceManMcgee(阿森纳球迷)：想象一下在本赛季开始前说“欧冠决赛将是利物浦对阵热刺，奥里吉进了制胜球”…(Imagine saying at the beginning of the season “The UCL final will be between Liverpool and Tottenham and Origi will score the winner”)
TheBossPineapple(巴西球迷)：金球奖就该给奥里吉！(BALLON D’ORIGI.)
PapaTinzal(利物浦球迷)：8月14号利物浦和切尔西的欧超杯之争举办地，是伊斯坦布尔…(Liverpool will face Chelsea for the UEFA Supercup on 14th August in Istanbul.)
AbsoluteTelekinesis(未知主队球迷)：这下谁都不敢在半场就领先3个球了！(Both teams will have to be cautious about taking a 3-0 lead into half-time…)
newtonsboi(未知主队球迷)：决赛第二回合什么时候开始啊？(When is the second leg lads?)
Lurkcitybaby(未知主队球迷)：机智的利物浦！避免被翻盘的诀窍就是不要3-0领先！(Liverpool was too smart to take the feared 3-0 lead, brilliant tactics.)
DarkOwl38(曼联球迷)：曼城征服了英超，利物浦征服了欧冠，而我们征服了南亚的床垫和枕头市场…(City have conquered England, Liverpool have conquered Europe, we have conquered the South Asian mattress and pillow market.)
DarkSofter(曼联球迷)：我要躲进健身房3个月了，再见老铁…(3 months of gym incoming lads. See u.)
somedemon1(切尔西球迷)：斯图里奇赢过的欧冠奖牌数量，已经比全伦敦的人加起来都多了…(Daniel Sturridge has won the Champions League more times than all of London combined.)
DrinkMyJelly(未知主队球迷)：想象一下，一两年前你要是说西索科能在欧冠决赛里首发，这都不会成为一个有人讨论的话题…(Imagine saying a year or two ago Sissoko would be starting in a CL final and it wouldn't even be close to a controversial pick.)
iCoFox (阿贾克斯球迷)：决赛当天早晨把球票卖了10000欧元的那个哥们，真是做了把史上最佳买卖！(That dude who sold his ticket this morning for €10000 has made one of the best deals ever.)
WAO138(加拉塔萨雷球迷)：你如果拿这场比赛去给一个从不看球的朋友介绍足球，那恭喜你又创造了一个足球黑子…(If you chose this game to introduce someone to the world of football, congratulations you've created a football enemy.)
chestypants12(利物浦球迷)：我们当地酒吧把决赛直播换成了“古董巡回展”节目，结果竟然没有人反对…(My local pub have switched the channel over to 'The Antiques Roadshow'. No complaints.)
FraudulentBaldness(洛杉矶FC球迷)：欧冠决赛里第一次有效触球竟是禁区内手球，也只有热刺能干出这事来…(Only spurs would have their first meaningful touch in a UCL final be a handball.)
kermvv(尤文球迷)：这场比赛最紧张的应该是阿森纳球迷…(Arsenal fans are probably the most nervous of the lot.)
Trickybuz93(多伦多球迷)：开局早早进个球，然后摆大巴防守，最后再偷鸡进个绝杀——穆帅肯定会为这支利物浦感到骄傲的！(Mourinho would’ve been proud of this Liverpool team. Scored early, parked a bus and scored late to win.)
萨里捧得首冠，切尔西4-1阿森纳
Sektsioon(切尔西球迷)：这赛季我们经历了100次危机，结果还得了联赛第三，进了两次杯赛决赛还得了个冠军。这样的“崩溃”我还是能接受的…(We’ve had 100 crisises this season or whatever and still end up with 3rd place, 2 cup finals and 1 trophy. I’ll take it for a season filled with “collapses”.)
lmaoMoistJesus(切尔西球迷)：混乱确实是把阶梯。(Chaos really is a ladder.)
GreatSpaniard(西班牙球迷)：恭喜科瓦契奇，这可是欧洲冠军四连冠…(Congratulations to Kovacic, a European champion 4 seasons in a row.)
Blinktanker(皇马球迷)：科瓦契奇才是我们的夺冠护身符，而不是什么C罗！(Kovacic was the talisman, not Ronaldo.)
freakedmind(未知主队球迷)：阿森纳丢的球，与瓦里斯和灰虫子加起来一样多…(Arsenal losing the same balls as Varys and grey worm combined.)
Yammington(未知主队球迷)：花了2000英镑去巴库看球，结果发现现场的氛围还比不上老家里的酒吧…(Spend £2k to travel to the game when you could've got a better atmosphere down the pub.)
Beanz_Memez_Heinz(米德尔斯堡球迷)：下赛季的欧联杯决赛干脆去木星的卫星上去踢吧！(Next seasons final to actually be played on Jupiters moon, Europa.)
HitchikersPie(未知主队球迷)：结果那里的气氛比巴库还好！(Atmosphere would still be better.)
pur3pwnage(拜仁球迷)：美国航天局已经决定在巴库这座球场进行火星实验了！因为这里同样没有任何空气(气氛)！(NASA might consider testing Mars rover in this stadium since there is also no atmosphere.)
GetESCP(未知主队球迷)：如果姆希塔良、拉卡泽特、奥巴梅杨和厄齐尔能被允许去巴库踢球的话，那比赛结果可能就不一样了！(Outcome would have been different if Mkhitaryan, Lacazette, Aubameyang and Ozil had been allowed to play in Baku.)
BartholomewSirnpson(本菲卡球迷)：切尔西夺得了欧联杯冠军的同时，切赫也退役了…(Petr Chech retires with Chelsea winning the Europa League final.)
OfficialScottR(切尔西球迷)：切尔赫。("Chech")
Harrybeans(切尔西球迷)：我们要对3球领先被翻盘的剧情说什么？不是今天！(What do we say to the 3 goals curse? Not today.)
Adv_Boobs(切尔西球迷)：萨里杀死了夜王！(Sarri killed the Night King.)
sr_crypsis(切尔西球迷)：如果五年前你说吉鲁攻破切赫大门为切尔西取得领先，所有人都会以为你神经病…(If you said five years ago that Giroud would score against Cech to give Chelsea the lead, everyone would think you're mad.)
Pumbahusajo(利物浦球迷)：而且还是在欧联杯决赛…(In the europa league finals.)
Jugol(未知主队球迷)：与此同时，热刺在等着去踢欧冠决赛…(While Tottenham waits for the UCL final.)
好了，亲爱的小伙伴们，本期的“国外也有段子手”就为大家播报到这了，让我们下期不见不散！（本文转载自懂球帝，如有侵权请联系删除）