2017年7月23日
Public Victory
When you can truely understand habits1.2.3,and when you can really be self-mastery and self-discipline,then you achieve a private victory.
Private Victory precedes Public Victory. Publici victory means the effective relationship with others,which is the deeper level of independence :Interdependence.
Independence is an achievement .Interdependence is a choice only independent people can make.
The most important thing in relationships is not what we say or what we do ,but what we are.So the foundation on which to built any relationship is inside ourselves,our character.
As we become independent ---proactive,centered in correct principles,value driven----we then can choose to become independent,which is the ablity to built rich,highly productive relationships with others.
The interdependence situation also follows the P/PC balance.Here,the author use a very powerful metaphor in defining the P/PC balance in an interdependent reality
The emotional bank account
The golden eggs are the effectiveness ,the results created by good relationships with others.The goose is the Emotional Bank Account.
The Emotional Bank Account is the feeling of safeness you have with another human being.It describes the amount of trust that 's been built up in a relationship.
With The Emotional Bank Account in mind ;we 're ready to move into the habits of Public Victory.
Think Win/Win
There are six paradigms of human interraction: Win/Win,Lose/Lose,Win/Lose,Win,Lose/Win,Win/Win or No Deal
Win/Win is the most effective and beneficial paradigm for both sides.Win/Win means that agreements or solutions are mutually beneficial,mutually satisfying.Win/Win is the only real alternative in interdependent realities.
The principle of win/win embraces five interdependent dimensions of life.
It begins with character and moves toward relationships, out of which flow agreement. It is nurtured in an environment where structure and systems are based on win/win. And it involves process.
Seek first to understand, then to be understood
We may use one sentence to summarize the sigle most important principle in the field of interpersonal relations ,and it would be this:
Seek first to understand, then to be understood
This principle is the key to effective interpersonal communication.Communication is the most important skill in life.We've spent years leaning how to read , write and speak.But few people have any training in listening at all.
When another person speaks ,we 're usually listening at one of four levels :ignoring,pretending,selective listening and attentive listening.Very few of us ever use the fifth level,the highest form of listening ,empathic listening,which means listening with intent to understand.Empathic listening is a tremendous deposite in the Emotional Bank Account.With the empathic listening in mind ,you will rephrase content and reflect feeling.
Seeking first to undestand opens a soul-soul flow.He will begins to trust you with his innermost feelings .
Seeking first to undestand needs consideration,and seeking to be understood takes courage.With the changless inner core and the principle center,from which you can handel the more outward vulnerability and then we should make our presentation.