Three things every twentysomething，male or female，deserves to hear。

That was the moment I realized，30 is not the new 20，That's what psychologists call an “Ahal”moment。That claiming your 20s is one of the simplest， yet most transformation，things you can do for work，for your happiness，maybe even for the world。

First，forget about having an identity crisis and get some identity capital。By identity capital，I mean do sth that adds value to who you are。Do sth that's an investment in who you might want to be next。

No one knows the future of work，but I do know this identity capital begets identity capital，so now is the time for that cross-country job，that internship，that startup you want to try。I’m not discounting twentysomething exploration here，but I am discounting exploration that’s not supposed to count。Which，by the way，is not exploration。That’s procrastination。Explore work and make it count。

Second，the urban tribe is overrated。Best friends are great for giving rides to the airport，but twentysomethings who huddle together with like-minded peers limit who they know，what they know，how they think，how they speak，and where they work。That new piece of capital，that new person to date almost always comes from outside the inner circle。New things come from what are called our weak ties，our friends of friends of friends。So yes，half of twentysomethings are un- or under-employed。But half aren’t，and weak ties are how you get yourself into that group。Half of new jobs are never posted，so reaching out to your neighbor’s boss is how you get that un-posed job。It’s not cheating，it’s the science of how information spreads。

Last but not least，you can’t choose your family，but you can pick your friends，now this was true for one’s growing up，but as a twentysomething，soon Emma would pick her family when she partnered with someone and created a family of her own。I told Emma the time to start picking your family is now。

Now you may be thinking that 30 is actually a better time to settle down than 20 or over 25。And I agree with you。But grabbing whoever you’re living with or sleeping with when everyone on Facebook starts walking down the aisle is not progress。

The best time to work on your marriage is before you have one，and that means being as intentional with love as you are with work。Picking your family is about consciously choosing who and what you want rather than just making it work or killing time with whoever happens to be choosing you。

Thirty is not the new 20，so claim your adulthood get some identity capital，use your weak ties。

Pick your family。

Don’t be defined by what you didn’t know or didn’t do。

You’re deciding your life right now。