New Pages of Life - Jan 16

Last night, I was watching the Gekkan Shojo Nozaki Kun, lying beside Winston, dizzy with the flu got on Annual Dinner of my corporation. It was then I noticed that Spring Festival is coming, and I had watched that anime for six times in last Spring Festival. This is my fourth year in Suzhou and every scene is so familiar - local villagers are celebrating wedding in the same lumber tent with the same singer singing the same song. I reached to my right and got Winston's arms, hoping that I could get the same person at the same time next year.

Gays may found their relationships too short and so was I. It took me months to realize that I was too reckless to start a relationship - either for loneliness or sexual purposes. Passions driven by hormone can not last long and that's what human beings are made up of. I have experienced hormone on myself proving that certain hormone can domain human emotions - when it raises to a high level you will be blindly optimistic of everything ( that's how I made the decision to leave Oracle without a paid job ), and when it becomes low every defects of your partner may be magnified, urging you to break up with a proper context. Human beings are such humble creature that few of us can keep away from the effect of such materials, and that's why life of us seems like a malicious vortex with every circle looks alike but ends up with death. It has been ten years since I read Russel's How to Grow Old. It's awful to imagine my life to be a lonely old man many years later, in that I could live that long alone.

I could still remember when the first week after we met each other, I was not sure if we could make a couple. I was keeping a diet, feeling depressed. It was then that his words light my heart up like sunshine. He showed me a way out of the vortex of nightmare, with numerous possibilities and brightness. Now I'm determined to apply for immigration three years later, with destination as New Zealand, for we both not so ambitious, wishing to live in a place where we can hold hands in public and be in peace.

It's a long and challenging journey, but it will be a milestone in our lives. Tough things are awating forward, but no gains without pain, isn't it? Compromise makes 'happy ending', but who really cares the bitter life you sacrificed for their reputation? A hundred years later, all of us shall be ashes and become non-existent. I really don't want to remind of this fact at the last moment before my death, wishing time be back and try out the way they disliked.

Winston, you're the key to break my curse in life and emotion. My love for you was not out of sex or loneliness, I love you because I think you'll be the sunshine in my life journey. My love for you is neither verbal nor sexual, it's a promise.

May we see through all the weakness of ourselves, conquer them, and be together in peace, forever and ever.

Ethan
Jan 16th, 2017