Book review: Maybe You Should Talk to Someone by Lori Gottlieb

Lori Gottlieb's new book, Maybe You Should Talk To Someone, is a book about therapies, written by a psychologist and award-winning author. The book tried to convey one message: leading a fulfilled life requires both courage and skills. Only those who persist are generously rewarded. The thesis, essential to human existence, seemed almost too lofty to tackle head-on. Yet I believe Gottlieb built a strong case from the distinct angles of therapy patients. As a long time therapy patient myself, her book will make my future sessions much more effective, now I see some of the ‘magic’ under the hood. But even for general audience, her book can be a valuable ‘jump-starter’ for people who felt stuck and struggle with questions such as “what’s the meaning of my life?” and “why I suffer?”. In addition to being thought-provoking, the author’s skilled story-telling made the book an engaging, and at times entertaining read.

The book weaved together stories of five therapy patients, each facing a life crisis (a young professor with terminal disease, a middle-aged single mom undergoing a tough breakup, a successful screen writer losing his marriage, etc.). Each patient, with the help of his/her therapist, was able to emerge from the crisis to a more fulfilling life. The therapists helped the patients realize:

1. While they had little control over life's pain, they have lots of control over how much they suffer
2. To reduce suffering, they have to have the courages to face their own fear and regrets and develop the skills to overcome them. She even argued that attempts to bury their fear and regrets are the very culprits for their sufferings
3. Life is much more than just pain/suffering management. While everyone has his own definition, deep emotional connections with others are, Gottlieb argues, a crucial part of any fulfilled life
4. Here again, we ourselves have the ultimate control. Fear prevents ourselves from seeing, hoping for, and realizing life’s full potential

Gottlieb had bigger ambitions than telling five stories. After following the patients' struggles (and eventual victories), I cannot help but seeing myself in one of them, in all of them. Their pain, their fear, and their courageous struggles are not unique, but as Gottlieb kept repeating, they are all part of being human. The fact that Gottlieb included her own struggle and journey with her therapist made her thesis personal and much more convincing.

Reading the book made me feel simultaneously ignorant and hopeful. Ignorant that I have been trudging through life’s battlefield for over 40 years as an untrained soldier. Hopeful at the glimpse of victory / peace, despite the mountain of work ahead.

When I turned to the last page, the book's opening quote from the Swiss psychologist Carl Jung hit me: “Who looks inside, awakes.”